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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » I dont know....

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Author Topic: I dont know....
eien
Neophyte
Member # 47464

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I've always thought that I was a lesbian. Simple easy, just lesbian. But recently things inside my head have been getting complicated. I have come to realize that Its not so much girl parts I am attractd to...but just girls. The way girls act, dress, talk, I just love it...but if I saw somebody who was maybe a cross dresser or mtf or anything like that, especially brolitas, I am also sexually attracted to them, for there girliness....and not only that but I love wearing girl clothing but I find myself hating my girl parts. I want to dress like a girl, but be a guy....does this make any sense at all? I'm so confused, maybe I'm just wrong about what I think?
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Well, girls all dress very differently. There isn't one kind of girl clothing or way girls or women (no matter our gonads) talk or behave. When you say things like "girly" do you mean femme?

[ 06-15-2010, 05:39 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
eien
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well, yes I mean femminine, like little things, hand gestures, walking, smell, and just the softness and girliness I also adore girls(or boys) who dress in femminine clothes, hip hugging pants, skirts, dresses, I guess thats what I'm tryiing to say? does that make more sense now?
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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I don't mean to ride you, but again, there is not one way to be feminine, nor one definition of what feminine is. And plenty of people of all genders feel or identify as feminine without dressing the way you're describing or being "soft." I have no idea what hand gestures or scent would be feminine or masculine, honestly.

Femme, on the other hand, has a pretty specific meaning, even though there's still variance in it. Femme generally describes someone identifying or presenting their gender with traits (more in external presentation than behaviors) often "traditionally" presented as feminine, like makeup, skirts and dresses, clinging clothes, heels, etc.

Is this what you're talking about?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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eien
Neophyte
Member # 47464

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yeah, thats what I meant, sorry for being unable to clarify correstly
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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It's okay, we just also really don't want to let gender essentialism stand here where any of us happens to find it, okay?

SO... you're attracted to femme people, of all stripes. Nothing wrong with that nor even particularly uncommon about that. perhaps what you may be -- just a may, as you know, orientation is something we all find out over time for ourselves -- that you're a bisexual/pansexual/queer person who is simply only or very strongly attracted to femmes (as well as someone who likes to present femme hirself).

But it sounds like you're also saying you don't feel comfortable in some parts of your body, which is a gender identity issue, rather than an orientation one.

However, our gender identity obviously plays a part in our orientation. In other words, if I were male-identified and liked women, calling myself lesbian would be pretty iffy, since that's really heterosexual.

We tend to find it most workable to talk about orientation and gender questions and issues separately, rather than in one lump, even though they are interrelated.

Do you want to explain more about how you're feeling about your body and how long you have had those negative feelings?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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eien
Neophyte
Member # 47464

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well, I guess I've been disliking my body since about 5th grade, which was around the time that I first admitted I liked girls. However, I immediately put that idea behind me and have trying to make that nagging feeling go away. I succeeded for a little while, but have recently rediscovered the hate for some parts of my body. I already have a depression problem, soo its seriously not helping me mentally and i once again want to put the idea away, but that hasnt been working so I'm now trying to figure it out, so maybe it will be easier to cope with? The only REALLY confusing part for me is that I definately know I love dressing in girly femminine clothing (lolita beiing my prefered style), but I am still pretty sure that I feel like I should have the body of a male...does this even make any sense?
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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It makes sense to me, but it might make a lot more sense to you if you kind of took away some of the messages I was trying to share about defining girls as being X way.

In other words, when we don't figure wearing dresses or dressing Lolita is somehow de facto about girls, but instead about a way many people like to dress and don't, any of whom may be of any gender, then it's not a contradiction. It's just a way some people -- who may or may not be a given gender -- like to present.

Get what I mean?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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