Donate Now
We've Moved! Check out our new boards.
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » Awkward and Insecure

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: Awkward and Insecure
Member # 36147

Icon 1 posted      Profile for jabberwocky     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I'm a 20 year old female, and I identify as queer. I was talking to my only other queer friend about how we first knew that we weren't straight, and she said she always had feelings for other girls, and for a long time thought she was asexual, but has since found that to be untrue. I told her that the first real moment I knew was when I acknowledged a crush I had on my best girl friend.

I know there's no points-system, no competition and that I shouldn't let another person's story belittle my own, but I can't help but feel less validated in my feelings for women, even though I can remember moments throughout my adolescence, and even childhood, where I was attracted to other girls.

I just didn't tell her that, and I feel like she thinks less of me for it. I don't want responses saying that she's a bad friend or that I should forget people like that. That's not the case at all. I know I'm full of awkward, and that I shouldn't worry about how legit my friend thinks I am.

I guess I just need someone to tell me to lay off the wierdness and not worry about what she, or anyone else would think about the way my identity was solidified in my mind.

I'm also wondering about how others in the community shaped their identities, if it was an aha! moment, or if it was a slow process, and if that has anything to do with anything now.

[ 12-01-2009, 02:03 AM: Message edited by: jabberwocky ]

Posts: 4 | From: canada | Registered: Dec 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Peer Ambassador
Member # 35643

Icon 1 posted      Profile for eryn_smiles         Edit/Delete Post 
Hi jabberwocky,

Just from what you've written here, it sounds like your friend was perhaps trying to share her own experience rather than to belittle or lessen your experience.

My opinion is that even if you realised five seconds ago that you're queer, it's your right to identify as you want. It doesn't make you any more or less queer than anyone else. I think it helped me to talk to some older gay people about their coming out. Some women were in relationships with men for more than 20 years, before coming out as lesbians. Some waited until they were retired or until they had grandchildren. I really respect people who can acknowledge and talk about their sexuality, at whatever time in their lives.

"Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation and that is an act of political warfare."

Audre Lorde

Posts: 1326 | Registered: Nov 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 44870

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Padlock     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Your identity can change constantly throughout your life. Many people identities shape over time and many people still don't know what the heck they are!

Everyone shapes their identities differently as we all have different experiences in life. So you are definitely not alone in not knowing your identity fully or how it came about. Do not let other peoples judgments you in how you formed your current identity bother you. As I am sure some of them are having the exact same questions!

Be yourself and the rest will come easy as they say.

Posts: 6 | From: Bloomington, Indiana | Registered: Dec 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
moonlight bouncing off water
Peer Ambassador
Member # 44338

Icon 1 posted      Profile for moonlight bouncing off water     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Jabberwocky, I know where you are coming from, this is very similar to how I figured it out (not to say I am all that sure of myself). Just because she always knew does not make your being queer any less just or real.


I am ME and that is the only label I need.

Posts: 864 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Oct 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:

Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3