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Author Topic: Another troubling "what am i " situation!
dark_veil_perplexed
Neophyte
Member # 43719

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im an 18 yr old female, and recently i've been questioning my sexual orientation. The thing is, i hav never had a romantic relationship with either sex yet, but its sometimes at the back of my head that i might be bisexual, or bicurious (i hate labels anyway). I find men attractive,but recently, after watching a couple of movies lightly adressing the topic i find that all along i've actually found women quite attractive too! So, im wondering as to whats causing this sudden change, especially since i've not been in a relationship yet.its scaring me, mostly because i've led a sheltered life. all exept 2 of my frends are females. I dont know whether that can contribute to this sudden confusion!
Posts: 4 | From: California, USA | Registered: Aug 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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I personally always suggest that people pay the most attention to to whom they are attracted in real life, rather than in movies or television. In media, the most we can really get is what someone LOOKS like, and attraction is about a whole lot more than looks, you know?

During the teen years, pretty much everyone is having sexual development, which includes things like feelings coming up around orientation. We can have those feelings before then, too, but per the why of your feelings on this, it likely just has to do with you being in this place in your life.

Can I ask why you're feeling scared about this?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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dark_veil_perplexed
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Member # 43719

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hmm...thanx! yeah i agree. i guess what scares me because my family's a conservative one. Im afraid that i might be denying things...and not being aware of things.
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Well, that's a valid concern: it can be tough to have something about your family doesn't accept. However, it might help to think about the fact that families can be unaccepting of their children or partners of their children for a whole host of reasons. Maybe that's about gender or orientation, but it can also happen due to race, personal identity, age, socioeconomic status; what field of work you want to go into, what religion you choose for yourself, the whole works.

You know what I mean?

My suggestion would be to give yourself time and see how you feel over the years and put the most energy into just being who you are and accepting yourself for whoever you are. If you have that foundation, it makes it a lot easier to deal with those who have trouble doing that.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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strawberryrock
Peer Educator-in-Training
Member # 43154

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Hi dark_veil_perplexed,

I just wanted to say hey and that I am 22 and haven't really "settled" on any particular sexual orientation, if that makes sense. I have had phases in my life when I have been more attracted to men, and more attracted to women, and when I wasn't really attracted to anyone but got kind of turned on watching "But I'm a Cheerleader." It's ok if you don't feel like you fall under one label, and ok if who you're attracted to changes, and ok if you decide you like dating men but get turned on by some women in movies, or vice versa. Sexuality is complicated and evolves over a lifetime.

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dark_veil_perplexed
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[Smile] Thanx!!!
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michan
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You don't have to have been in a relationship with a gender to know you like them. Trust me, I've known that I like girls for a few years, and I only now have my first girlfriend.
This next thing is something I've already said, and I get the feeling I'm going to continue saying it a lot for the rest of my life.
There is a whole spectrum of orientations, and along with that goes a scale.
I call it the "Gay-Straight" scale.
It's a scale from 1 to 10.
1 being super straight and 10 being uber gay.
Very few people are completely at one end or the other. Like me, I consider myself a lesbian even though I'm about an 8.7-9.5 on the scale.
Most people are like me and are in the middle somewhere. So don't worry yourself trying to figure things out, you'll figure it out all within due time.

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dark_veil_perplexed
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Thank you, that really helped! Things seem more clear now.
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michan
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I'm glad that it helped ^^
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