posted
I'm a 15-year-old and I'm as certain as I can be that I'm a lesbian. I tried to tell my mom a while ago and she told me that she won't mind when I'm older but right now she doesn't believe I'm old enough to know. It kind of bugged me at the time, but I decided that since my parents are actually pretty ok with it that I would just wait and try to tell them again when I'm older.
The problem now is that for the last month or so I've been going out with a girl who I really, really like. I wouldn't mind telling my mom 'cause I have a feeling she'd actually be happy for me. But after my mom telling me I'm not even old enough to be attracted to anybody (because that's what she said, she explained I'm probably too young to even like boys) I'm just scared that she'd dismiss my relationship the same way and say I'm too young for it.
So basically as well as your opnions on the above, I'd like to ask two questions- how old do you have to be to be aware of your sexuality? And should I even bother telling my parents about my girlfriend?
-------------------- "We held on to hopes of better days coming/ And when we did we were right!" Posts: 30 | From: Ireland | Registered: Feb 2008
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posted
I always suggest when people are asking how old you have to be -- or telling anyone that they are too young -- if they hold the same standards they have around that for homosexuality or bisexuality as they do around heterosexuality. In other words, if you're old enough to know if you're heterosexual, no one can very well say you're not old enough to know if you are any orientation. No one can accurately hold different standards for different orientations it's an all-or-none issue.
That said, sexuality and orientation do have some fluidity to them, and people's experiences of knowing their orientation vary. Some people feel they know very early (I knew at 10, for instance, that I was bisexual and lo, at 39, that remains so), some people report they didn't figure out their orientation until way later. But what you'll generally hear people say after a lifetime of self-observation around orientation is that the things they felt they knew about themselves were usually accurate at the time.
It sounds like you do want to tell your Mom about your girlfriend, so perhaps you could put some of these perspectives on the table? And if you do, and she still isn't hearing it, how about suggesting to her that even IF this is "a phase" (or whatever she is calling it), you are happy, loved and loving right now with this person, she be supportive of this particular relationship?
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me • Get our book! Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead Posts: 63417 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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-------------------- "We held on to hopes of better days coming/ And when we did we were right!" Posts: 30 | From: Ireland | Registered: Feb 2008
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posted
Well, since you did already try and talk about it once before, you might open it up by revisiting that conversation?
As in, "Mom, do you remember that last time we talked about..." and then go from there?
And again, I'd emphasize that you aren't really asking for approval or even validation: what you just want is support. Framing it that way can help someone who isn't getting it best understand what the heart of what we are asking for when coming out really is.
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me • Get our book! Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead Posts: 63417 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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-------------------- "We held on to hopes of better days coming/ And when we did we were right!" Posts: 30 | From: Ireland | Registered: Feb 2008
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posted
Since I was last on this thread the girlfriend I was talking about broke up with me, but on the plus side I did tell my mom about her today. My mom didn't really say much, she just asked if the break-up had been a friendly one and if I'd still be hanging out with the girlfriend's friends, and when I said yes to both of those we just sort of ended the conversation. Which was fine.
-------------------- "We held on to hopes of better days coming/ And when we did we were right!" Posts: 30 | From: Ireland | Registered: Feb 2008
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