I'm female, almost out of college. Never been kissed, never dated, never been asked out. My romantic life has been dramatically low-key. I've always felt myself to be mostly heterosexual.
All of the sudden, a good friend of mine (who is female, like me) became extremely flirty towards me. Having never flirted before, I shamelessly responded. After a few weeks of this, I started developing a crush on her. I didn't fret about this- after all, it was just a harmless crush, right? Who cared who it was?
Right before the summer holidays began, I kissed her. (Several times!) I was frightened beyond belief- here was my first kiss, with a girl. But the thing is, I loved it, and so did she. She really cares for me, and I care for her. But...I don't even know what to think.
I haven't told anyone that I kissed her. (I have no idea what our friends would say.) I did however tell another friend that I had been having these strange feelings, and that I might possibly be bisexual. She was not very receptive; she called me a "spinster" who was settling, who was desperate for affection- 21 years of never being asked out would do it for you. Inside me was a little girl who just wanted to be loved and I was taking whatever I could get. It was all a phase and I'd get over it soon enough. The other girl was screwing with my head.
I really care for this girl and she makes me happy. But I don't know what I should do. We've moved our separate ways for the summer but will be back together in the fall. She hasn't told anyone either; I suspect she fears the same kind of retaliation I am getting from my friend. We still keep in contact. I still feel attracted to men. But am I really settling for "whatever I can get"? I've never "gotten" any before, so how can I compare it to anything?
Does anyone have any insight or advice? I'd greatly appreciate it. This is my first time here and I'm making my way through the articles and forums.
Posts: 1 | From: Midwest | Registered: May 2008
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To be completely honest with you in this situation, if it feels right to you, then who else's opinion do you really need? If you do indeed feel like you identify yourself as bisexual, then so be it! There's no reason to ponder or dwell on it, as long as you're happy with yourself and what is going on in your life.
I'm sure it's normal for someone who may not identify at all with your particular feelings, nor have any real insight into any other kind of relationships, aside from their own heterosexual (I'm assuming) lives -- to say things like "you're just settling," and move on with their life. When in all reality, that may be true -- it may just be you settling -- as a "late bloomer" in a sense. Settling into who you are, but not settling for "whatever you can get."
If going for "just whatever" was honestly the case, I'm sure you wouldn't have enjoyed the flirting, the crushing, or the kissing nearly as much as you say you do. Go with what feels right, girl! Good for you finding someone who makes you feel so great! Others' opinions can't help you here, because they aren't "you." Only YOU can decide how you feel and what feels right.
Ah, you see, I went through the exact same thing with my first relationship. I do it in my mind everytime I fall in love with someone who isn't exactly a playboy/girl centerfold or hollywood beauty.
Then I go into the bathroom, look myself in the eye in the mirror and say "So what if I'm not picking and choosing? It's the fussy ones who are never loved."
Bisexuality is, to an extent, one of the greatest forms of non-discrimination. To doubt yourself on that is natural. If you love this girl, it won't matter who you tell or who you don't. As long as you're happy with her. I hope that makes sense.
-------------------- "I'm bouncing off the walls again, woah-oh~ I'm acting like a fool again, woah-oh~ Threw away my reputation, For one more song on the RADIO STATION~" Posts: 29 | From: England | Registered: Jun 2007
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