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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » questioning myself, but in reverse

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Author Topic: questioning myself, but in reverse
moe g
Member # 37202

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Ok, so the deal is, I was pretty much at home with the fact that I was gay before my mom found out (I say found out because someone else told her that when they were having an argument) now that shes found out I know she doesn't accept it (even if shes pretending it never happened now, we dont talk about it). Now I'm positive NOBODY in my family is ok with it (other people knew or I know their position on the issue).
So last night, while under the influence, I decided I wanted to be straight. I don't know why but I think that I really do feel that way. I KNOW I only like women but I WISH SO MUCH I could like guys and make my family happy...and my sister always says to me theres no way I can know because I'm a virgin.

So anyway, last night I got to around second base with this guy (he's alright, he was pretty cute, I'll admit), but it wasn't some random dude, it was my sisters friend. To be honest, I was kinda laughing and thinking how dumb it felt the whole time. It wasn't very "sexually pleasing". Now he wants to hang out but Im pretty sure he just wants to get in my pants.
I know I'm not ready for sex, especially with a guy, but does it really count? Do you think I should just get it over with? But at the same time, I'm not a whore and it just feels wrong to do that without being in a relationship. On that note, what if he DOES want a relationship(which I doubt)?

Posts: 2 | From: Maryland | Registered: Feb 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 37208

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I know how you feel. i was straight, fully striaght, then one day i didnt like guys, and went off kissing every girl i could. but then i told my mom and she hated it and my sister and i arent even friends now, so i wanted ot be straight but you cant change who you are. you have to be you. if you think your gay then fine, if you think your straight, fine too. do it for you. not your fam.

and no, sleeping with him will solve nothing. guys just think they can make you straight cuz their "so good in bed". dont lose your virginity till your ready, whether it be boy or girl.

and if he wants a relationship and you want to go for it, then go for it. but dont break morals or values for some guy

SumGuy: if there were a button u could push that could solve all ur probs, what would it do?
Soldier: make me happy

Posts: 4 | From: Vermont for college | Registered: Feb 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
moe g
Member # 37202

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I've been talking to my friends about it and they've all said that same thing, I feel kinda dumb for even thinking that now, but thanks! I think I'm gonna try to see where this thing goes or if I even feel anything for him sexually (hes a nice enough guy, we would be friends anyway) because I'll never know 'til I try (that doesn't mean I'm just gonna sleep with him though).
Posts: 2 | From: Maryland | Registered: Feb 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
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I think it's also worth realizing that it's not YOUR job to fix your family's homophobia. There's nothing wrong with being gay or bisexual, but there IS something wrong with bigotry and bias. And you being straight -- whether you pretend to be or wind up being straight -- still doesn't fix their homophobia. It would just mean that it won't impact you as directly anymore.

In other words, taking responsibility for their problems isn't fair to you. You might also not wish so hard to be straight if your family was accepting of you no matter what your orientation was. They're the ones who should be making the efforts here to accept and embrace their child: no one should have to try to earn a parent's love, especially by trying to be something they simply are not.

If it doesn't feel right to be with this guy, and it feels like you're faking it with any sex, it doesn't make sense to be with this guy, gal. And while for all you know, he's trying to prove something to himself or someone else by being with you, it still wouldn't make it very kind to do that to him or anyone else. It's not cool for anyone to get involved with people with a hidden agenda.

I think we owe each other sincerity, and to boot, it probably won't make you feel very good about yourself to use someone in that way, especially without being forthright with them that you aren't really feeling it and a big part of your motivation is to try and become heterosexual.

[ 02-27-2008, 02:19 AM: Message edited by: Heather ]

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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