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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » Coming out

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Author Topic: Coming out
Member # 35831

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If asked a year ago I'd've said I was straight despite all the evidence that I'm not. Since I started getting sexually attracted to people it's been pretty much both girls and boys. I just denied that I ever was interested in girls cos.. Well, I don't know actually.

So I was just wondering how to come out to close friends when I've previously told them I was straight. What I feel confused and/or worried about it not that they'll think I'm sick or something. Hardly any of my friends are homophobic and quite a few of them are bisexual themselves.

Generally, I'm just feeling pretty confused.

Posts: 122 | From: Europe | Registered: Nov 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
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Well, really, sexuality is pretty fluid and can change over time. So it's not like you'll ever really be giving the definitive answer on that.

Just from pesonal experience: I came out as bisexual at 15, realized I was a lesbian when I was 17 and had a big coming-out with that a year later and another year after that I started dating a guy again. At that point I pretty much just stopped trying to keep anyone posted at all.

So, you know, experiencing some confusion about your sexuality is completely normal. And if you have friends who are bisxual, I am sure they will be able to relate to what you're feeling.

Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 35831

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I just found out a classmate of mine is bisexual. I was thisclose to telling him I was too xD But in the end I felt a bit more like "what's he gotta do with it"

Meh, I'll figure out what to do [Smile]

Posts: 122 | From: Europe | Registered: Nov 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
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You know, too, often there just isn't even a need for any sort of grand pronouncement, especially if you aren't even dating anyone same-sex or are not about to.

Sometimes I think it's helpful to frame this issue in a different way: if you thought or knew you were heterosexual, but were not looking to date, would you need to tell anyone, especially your friends? If it came up, or was something that you feel is a very integral part of your identity, it makes sense to divulge it, for sure. And by all means, if you were actively dating someone it'd be important in some sense, though also obvious. When you're looking to date, it's sensible just per your dating pool. But more times than not, the only people to whom our sexual orientation is truly relevant is to people we're dating.

I also think it's sage to allow yourself periods of questioning without grand announcements about it: clearly, you've realized you're at least questioning, and possibly bisexual. Why not just let yourself have that for a while, especially while all of this is so new?

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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