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I was wondering if people would be interested in sharing their coming out stories, if they have any.
Although I didn't figure out I was bi until the summer before my senior year, I was never really 'in the closet'. I feel that sexual orientation is a very personal thing, and that you shouldn't have to go around saying, "Hello, I'm Bob, nice to meet you. By the by, I'm gay." or whathaveyou. If people asked me my sexual orientation, I would be honest. If someone told me their sexual orientation, I would reciprocate. But there was no gathering of my close friends and family, no sitting them down, and no big announcement. I hadn't changed as a person, so I wasn't going to act like something had changed.
The only person I actually 'came out' to is my dad... This past National Coming Out Day, after participating in all my college's activities, I felt like a huge hypocrit. So I wrote him an e-mail (he was on a 9-month-long business trip in China, so I couldn't call him), and he wrote back, completely fine with it.
So that's my story of sorts. What's your's?
-------------------- amawesome - (adj.) a combination of 'amazing' and 'awesome,' usually by someone who has tied on a few too many. Ex: No, dude, listen! I like, luv ya man! I mean, you're like, amawesome! Posts: 65 | From: Colorado Springs, CO | Registered: Mar 2006
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When I realized I was bi, I was scared to death of telling anyone. The first person I told about it in "real life" was my boyfriend. He asked me how I found out, and after I told him, he said "yay, now we can talk about girls!" and kissed me. I was so happy he was so supportive. It's even fun; I look at girls more than he does ! After I told him, I casually told my friends about it if they made some comment about gay or bi people and it was a piece of cake. Then I told my mom...and that was a whole other story. Really, the first time I came out was then, when I liked a girl in the 1st grade, and I told my mother. She told me that that was impossible. This time around, she told me I'm too young to really know how I feel about that, especially if I've never been with a girl. Ironically, she had previously agreed with me that homosexual tendancies are defined in very young ages or from birth. Then, she said "I love you, God is merciful... That's not the only thing that God is going to take into consideration so you can go to heaven!" Which really got me very sad. She also said that its wrong because the purpose of any relationship is to reproduce, and I can't do that with a woman. I was severely dissapointed, but my psychologist told me I had done the right thing by telling her. After a long while, when I talked to her about it again, she said she was sorry. I don't know whether she meant it though... when I said that, in any case, according to the bible we're on the same level because she's divorced she said "yes, we're all sinners". Meh, apparently, "I'm still a sinner because of my orientation". Apart from her, everything's been really easy! Everyone just basically asks how/when I found out, and that's it. Sure, they get a little freaked out sometimes if I stare at Catherine Zeta-Johnes instead of Antonio Banderas in Zorro, but its fun to watch them freaking out . I wouldn't discourage anyone from coming out if they feel trapped. Life's too short to be hiding who you are!
-------------------- "Love does not make itself in the desire for copulation, but in the desire for shared sleep." - The Unbearable Lightness of Being, Milan Kundera Posts: 410 | From: Costa Rica | Registered: Dec 2005
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While I have yet to come out to any of my friends (I'm still working up the courage), I am out to my parents. My out-coming really wasn't a huge deal, it mostly consisted of my mum saying "So I've noticed you've been visiting a lot of gay websites lately (I read various different online cartoons). Is this just an extension of your feminism, or are you actually attracted to other girls?" I replied with something along the lines of "Yeah, but I wouldn't call myself a lesbian or anything. I guess I'm bisexual." And that was that. I really liked that she didn't make a huge deal about it, and I'm hoping my coming out to my friends will be more or less the same. I don't want to be known as "that bi girl," you know? Though in a way I think it would be easier to get a date if that were the case... Nonetheless.
Posts: 396 | From: USA | Registered: Jun 2005
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My friends already knew. Sneaky, perceptive jerkwads! LOL I'm kidding. But they pretty much did, it was kind of a DUH with them.
When I came out to my mom as bi she was surprised I wasn't coming out to her as gay! I still might be, I don't know, but that was a funny conversation. She totally has known since I was little, anyway.
With the people in school, it was basically me mentioning my girlfriend and I'd get a raised eyebrow look but nothing more. In english class this week, we were discussing gender roles, and a guy asked "Honestly, how many girls would be willing to take the 'guy's' role in the relationship?" And I said, "What if I don't date guys?" all joking and one of my theatre friends just said, "Then the question doesn't apply, silly!".
So yeah, it wasn't that difficult. I think coming out to myself was hardest- it seems I was the last to know!
Sox
-------------------- baby, you've got a fast car Posts: 4 | From: Portland, OR, US | Registered: Nov 2005
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When I came out the first time when I lived in the Bahamas it was pretty much by accident. On November 20, 2001 I confessed to a close friend that I had a crush on this girl. I really had no intention to let it go any further than that but I never bothered to say so. So being the wanna-be therapist and mediator that she was, my friend decided to tell the girl for me and make some sort of deep discussion out of it. We were 13, naive and watching too many talk shows so we really didn't expect too much mayhem to ensue. Well THAT began a disastrous chain of events that eventually had me out to the entire student body and the administration within less than an hour of the initial incident.
So for three years of catholic high school I was pretty much looked at like some kind of rabid beast. Though the level of fear is usually to a somewhat lesser degree, in the Bahamas many people look at lesbians or bisexual women as if they're psychopaths waiting for the chance to rape any female within reach. I was actually required by my school to have a psychiatric evaluation before I could go to school again but I was quickly found to be rather okay in the head.
So for me the bright side was that it was effective in keeping ignorant people away from me and showing who my true friends were and still are. It also gave me the freedom of not having to care what people thought of me anymore since there was basically no way to make my reputation any worse. Now every year on November 20th I commemorate the event with a celebration of some sort.
When I came back to MA my senior year I thought I had to do it all over again. However to my utmost surprise I had the most fuss-free coming out experience I could imagine especially after the first one. There was no need for the sweaty, nervous, throat tightening "something to tell you" scene. I just happened to meet some understanding and scarily perceptive people who just knew. I have yet to figure out how. I'll add that my old and new friends all celebrate November 20th with me now.
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Lizenny, if it makes you feel any better, one of our volunteers here, Slayer_Gurl, from Ireland, and also at a Catholic school, had a very similar experience to yours.
In some respects, I feel like I really lucked out in this regard. I never really had to "come out," at all. The early 80's was a very different time in so many ways, plus, I grew up in intellectual and arts community, in a very big city. "Coming out" to my dad basically involved him very casually and offhandly asking if a platonic girlfriend who had been staying over a lot was my girlfriend, and my telling him no, but that a romantic girlfriend who also had been around a lot was, instead, my girlfriend. And that conversation was replied to with an equally casual, totally accepting, "Oh, gotcha." End of story.
(Mind you, I did recently discover that my mother, on the other hand, in finding out I had been dating women -- or rather, putting two and two together; I left my mother's home pretty early -- did NOT handle it very well, and apparently called my father to tell him it was somehow his fault. My younger sister, also, got harassed some at the public high school she went to where I had gone for a year and a half before swapping to an arts school, because her sister "was a big dyke." A couple cheerleaders from her school had apparently seen me outside a club one evening with a girlfriend of mine and found it all very fascinating.)
In fact, I didn't ever really have to identify much at all. I recently found an old journal of mine when I was 14 where I talk about a girlfriend and use the word bisexual, but other than that, I didn't even have to use that language. So-and-so was my girlfriend, or such-and-such was my boyfriend, and that was about the end of that. I don't think that it was until I was at least in college that I ever felt any need or obligation to ID myself at all.
Again, being in an arts community, I never got harassed at school in any way for being queer or for who I was dating: a great many of the other kids and faculty at the school were gay or lesbian, so it was really a total nonissue.
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me • S.E.X: Get my book! Knowledge is power. Information is power. The secreting or hoarding of knowledge or information may be an act of tyranny camouflaged as humility. - Robin Morgan Posts: 39806 | From: Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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I've been bi for nearly a decade.(I'm 13 years old). I hid that fact rather well. I "acted" boy crazy.(Even more boy crazy than I really am)I came out to my best friend. At first she was confused.I broke down and told her the truth. It took awhile becuz she thought I was straight. I also told some of my closet friends. They were cool about. They also didn't know I "swung that way" Coming out to my mom was even harder. She didn't quite believe me cuz i was the "girly-girl and boy fantic" type. I lied and said i was bi for a"couple of weeks." She will support me while I try to find a lesbian or bi pen pal. All's well that ends well.
-------------------- ~God made water, God made dirt, God made boys so girls can flirt.~ ~Lesbians are sooo hot.~ Posts: 5 | From: somewhere | Registered: Mar 2006
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I unconsciously knew that I am a bisexual, have been since birth. I personally believe that your sexual orientation is born with you, it's not a choice.
When I turned 17 in 2000, I choose to really come to my senses of my bisexuality and basically being really comfortable with it. I knew that I was attracted to both girls and guys in every form, sexually, romantically, and etc.
At 18 in 2001, I started to come out to people starting with my boyfriend who's now my fiance. My guy friends knew right off the bat, and i became closer with them. I knew I had always gotten along with the guys better than the girls, friendship wise. I connected and understood how they viewed things. My girls knew as well, and reacted very well.
I believe that regardless of what sexuality you carry in this life, we all should be respected and seen as an individual and liked for who we are. Degrading us because of our sexual orientation is wrong. Ending a friendship or a relationship just because one finds out that one is not straight fortells that that person isn't a true friend. I'm really lucky that I have not had any friendships ending because of the fact that I am bisexual. Really, my friendships with people have in turn grown stronger and much more cherished.
2001 was a year of many things that were happening in my life. I was really coming out of my shell and making so many choices. I really loved that year.
My family does not know because I never told them but I'm sure they've realized and never really had a negative hold on me. I'm not afraid to show what I am, and what i like. If they ask, I will tell them. The same goes for new friends and etc. I'm proud to be me, and i'm not about to change for anyone.
I am now 22 going on 23 in June. I am a long term relationship of just about five years to Isaiah. He was actually the first person I told about my sexuality and was very respectful about it. We are to get married this May. We've been engaged for just nearly two years. I'm still always going to be bisexual regardless of the fact that I will be a married woman as of May 27th.
In all, I've really had fantastic support of who I am with people that are in my life especially of my friends. They are amazing and I cherish their friendships so much!
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(Just FYI? Given the area this is posted in, the "coming out" that was being asked about is about same-sex attraction, not S/M or alternative sexuality preferences.
However, that wouldn't make a bad topic on its own in another area of the boards, if you want to copy this post and do that, Ikeren.)
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me • S.E.X: Get my book! Knowledge is power. Information is power. The secreting or hoarding of knowledge or information may be an act of tyranny camouflaged as humility. - Robin Morgan Posts: 39806 | From: Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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(Maybe sex basics, body and soul or support groups? I'll notice when you do, and then I'll just delete this post here. Thanks for being so respectful, Ikeren: I really appreciate that.)
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me • S.E.X: Get my book! Knowledge is power. Information is power. The secreting or hoarding of knowledge or information may be an act of tyranny camouflaged as humility. - Robin Morgan Posts: 39806 | From: Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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I didn't really come out as bi, so much as my boyfriend threw me out of the closet. My father's very homophobic and he also happens to be the person I love most in this world. I repressed how much I liked girls until about a year ago to try and appease him.
One day, my boyfriend and I were talking about some movie and I was like "yeah she's really hot, if I was a guy, I'd do her." He was like, "So you like girls." "No...I mean they're pretty and..." "Sweetie, you like girls." "No! I mean..." "Baby, please. I know, everyone knows. You just have to admit it." "...okay." And that was that.
A few months ago I told my mom. I was telling her I'd just gotten done seeing Mr. and Mrs. Smith and I was like "Oh my God, Angelina Jolie was so hot! I didn't know who to stare at more, her or Brad Pitt!" and she asked me if I was "bi or something" and I said yeah and went back to reviewing the movie. That was it. I've been incredibly lucky, everyone's been really cool about it.
I haven't told my father yet though, that's one I haven't worked up to.
Posts: 17 | From: Ohio | Registered: May 2004
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I never really thought about being bi until my freshman year in high school. I had just met my now closest-friend Dave and I had a feeling he was gay. I dropped hints to let him know that I was comfortable with it and eventually he told me. After a couple weeks, I told him I thought I was bi and at first he thought I was just some silly girl who wanted to hook up with other girls. Eventually though, he realized I was serious and accepted me as is.
One day, I decided that I wanted my best friend/cousin Barb to know. She means a lot to me and i felt like i was keeping too much from her. I wanted to tell her in person, so one day when we were at a family party I anxiously waited for a chance when we were alone. I told her I had a secret that I had told Dave and I wanted to tell her too. She had no clue whatsoever what was going on. I was really nervous and went into the bathrom and practiced in the mirror while she waited in the next room. Finally I sat in front of her and tryed to think of a good way to start. I picked up her bag and startde looking at the buttons she had stuck on it, when i noticed one that said: "My parents said I could be anything I wanted to be, so I became a lesbian." I started cracking up and said "OMG this is so ironic!" She explained that her friend bought her the pin as a gag gift. I then said "that is so funny cuase its related to what i was just gonna say." She then asked "UR A LESBIAN?" and I said "not exactly, I'm-" then she interupts with "UR BI!?" and I nodded and laughed. She was like OMG YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME BEFORE! and yapped about how she didnt care I'm still the same person yada yada yada. I felt so relieved.
Telling the guy I'm dating wasn't hard because he's as liberal as I am and is an overall awesome guy when it comes to this sort of thing. So I was just straight-up (ew, pun) in telling him. He was kind of confused at first, saying that he didn'twant to "share" me. I laughed and explained to him that my sexuality didn't change how I felt about him and I wasn't bringing anyone else into the relationship. He understood and it hasn't been an issue since then.
I wanted to be "out" so I thought about how I could let people in school know without running up to people andtelling them. Then I remembered MySpace. I simply changed my orientation from being blank to Bi and figured word would get around eventually. A month later, Dave told me how people were always saying to him "I didn't know she was bi!". Only two people since then have approached me abuot it directly, one didn't care and the other got all excited and announced that she was bi also. Of course, this particualr friend was so loud our entire math class (teacher included) stared at us for a couple seconds in wonder. A few guys said "What? Your bi?" and she replied "yeah, got a problem with that?" and one said the typical "No way, I LOVE bi girls!"
My school is pretty tolerant, and there isn't much gay bashing as far as I can tell. There are a few gays, and several bi kids, but I don't know of any lesbians. No one gives us a hard time, at least not publicly.
My family, is a whole nother story. My mom knows Dave is gay and completely approves and sympathsizes with his family problems. However, i know for a fact that my mom, and one of my sisters are grossed out by gay PDA. They do have gay friends, and dont mind the presence of gay people, etc. My little sister had a bit of trouble understanding what a lesbian was, (her friends mom is gay) but once I explained it she just said "ew" in her 10 year old way and went on with life. She loves Dave, so i'm sure she'll be my ally when i come out. I figure it will be a huge deal when I tell them, even though I think they'll support me in the end.
I'm really scared, but I know I can do it eventually. I'm waiting for a lull in family events, but now is definitely not a good time.
Now I'm a sophmore and I hope to form a GSA in my school in junior year. Dave says hes supportive of me to a limit, aka he'll help me but won't go so far as to join. Wish me luck!
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i came out to my family first, because i'm pretty close to them, and they're both very much okay with it. A year ago i had to write a paper for my English class about gay marriage, and since it was for a teacher i was really close to, i disclosed my own sexuality in it, just very briefly. A couple of weeks later my teacher, who works for a local magazine for gay families, asked if he could publish an edited version of my paper in the newsletter; i agreed and edited out all the references to my sexuality except for one near the end that i completely forgot about. i gave him the copy and he published it, not realizing that i hadn't deliberately left the reference in; when i read my article i freaked out, but figured nobody i knew would read it anyway as it's a relatively small publication. Hah, i wish. Some parent at my old elementary school posted it in the office because she liked it so much, and the word spread around really quickly into my high school...it was quite an odd coming-out experience, actually, and although i thought i was totally not ready, it actually turned out...okay.
Posts: 2 | From: Minnesota | Registered: May 2006
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Ive just realised over this month or so that im a lesbian, my dad found my topic here on scarleteen, he knew i had doubts but not that i was gay. I actually told my parents and little sister on a 3 hour car journey , 2-3 days ago. I know it was too soon but i cracked, we were talking about lesbianism, and my started to say, i know she will never be gay, blah blah, and it peed me right off, so basically i just said, "well i am gay" then my mum was upset and then the next day she was fine about it and they havent really spoken to me about it, they both said they were a little dissapointed, but that is by the by.
Posts: 91 | From: uk | Registered: May 2006
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my coming out story is pretty simple. my friend who describes herself as a "flaming lesbo, with a tendency to check out hott guys" and her bff, and a guy friend of ours, we're talking at my church actually. and then she was like "yeah im bi" her bff was like "me too" and then i kinda went... "yeah i think i am..." and they all looked at me and said " you are." and i said "... what?" and they said "you are... and we've known for awhile" we all laughed, and hugged and went on with our lives. and i had known i was for... a long time... i just hadnt accepted it. i have really great friends, and when i told them, they we're like, "cool" and that was it. one of my friends actually said "really? so am i" and a couple months later, another friend of mine came out to me and her bf.
so yeah, i had a pretty painless experience. but my family... i think i'll tell later... maybe... i just dont know about them...
-------------------- "Im not the next of them, I am the first of me..." -First of Me, Hoobastank Posts: 24 | From: Seattle | Registered: Jun 2006
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Well, my friends and Mom have known forever. That mainly happened through myspace, so it's not terribly interesting. So, about two months ago, my dad was the only one "out of the loop". (I really don't know why, though. I mean, I knew he wouldn't care. His mom was a closet lesbian, and the person he chose as my Godfather is gay. Hmm... <.<)
Anyways, my mom, dad, and I were all at Red Robin, discussing my plans for the weekend. I talked about how I was going to go to the movies with my best friend's ex, and Mom said, "Well, I just hope he doesn't think you're trying to pick her up!"
And, without even thinking, I laughed and said, "But Mom, Will knows I'm gay!"
Dad nearly choked on his Pepsi. XD
Ah well, it was just a shock. After we talked for a few minutes he said, "Son, I'd say the same if you were straight, but use a condom."
I did choke on my Pepsi.
-------------------- Eeh, too lazy to come up with something creative. Give me time, 'kay? Posts: 3 | From: Woodland Park, Colorado | Registered: Jul 2006
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Hokay, so, I've pretty much been attracted to both genders my whole life. When I was little I had this obsession with boobs, and I used to have a crush on this girl in my 3rd grade class and I got the shivers when she handed out papers. I had crushes on boys, too, and of course always kept my female crushes secret. My Barbies were always bisexual when I played with them. *shrug?*
I grew up in a not-quite-liberal-not-quite-conservative town but my family has been homophobic. My step-grandfather doesn't care, my grandmother was okay with it (I thought...) and my dad used to say that all gay people should be shot. So, I wasn't exactly encouraged to come out. I didn't even know it was possible to be bi.
When I was in 8th grade, one of my best friends and I were talking about a mutual friend we both had. She was also my friend's very best friend. I noticed she talked about her a lot. She said, "Oh, I love her!" and I asked her, "...are you in love with her?" and she fell silent for a while. Then, she said, "...well. I guess I really am bi, then." and I told her I was, too. It was the start of so many things, my friends, so many things. We started getting more open about our sexuality and trying to spread the word that gay is not a synonym for stupid. I must have said that 39,000 times.
My current boyfriend and I met that year, and I was the first person he confided in to being bisexual. I knew he was, and he knew I was, because we were sitting there, after our chorus concert, with a bunch of friends of ours. One of them was explaining all different sexualities to another. She said, "And then there's bi, when you like both genders..." and he and I glanced at each other, smiled and looked away. Later that night he said something about Robert Smith looking really hot in one Cure video, and I guess he saw the idea click in my mind and started to look embarrassed.
We started to talk on the phone and he told me he was sure he was bi, and he's been so confused since he was born. At first he thought he was straight, then gay, then straight, and now he knew.
Soon after I broke up with my then boyfriend, I started going out with a girl named Sarah. We lived far away so we would send love notes to each other. As soon as our relationship started, I tried to tell my grandmother that I was bisexual. When I told her, she gasped and put her face in her hands as if I told her something horrible. She told me I needed counseling, or a psychologist because only sick people are like that. She said I wasn't bi because I went out with a boy. I couldn't be. If I was I needed help. I changed my mind and told her I wasn't, and we've never talked about it since because I've had my (previously mentioned, bisexual!) boyfriend for over a year.
In this past half year, I've noticed I'm not really bisexual but pansexual. You see, it's not that I like boys and girls, it's just that I'm attracted to whoever I'm attracted to, regardless of sex.
There's my story!!!
Posts: 59 | From: United States | Registered: Jun 2006
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I, personally, am in the same position as a lot of other people here. I don't have much of a "coming out" story because of how discreet I am trying to keep the issue to the people closest to me in my life, such as parents, for example (I am just finding it so difficult to tell them, even though I want to). But I do have one nonetheless.
It was at about the age of seven when I started to notice a gender issue to the slightest degree, but recently for me it got worse (it was actually around my 15th birthday) and it started to worry me. From experience I knew at the time that it's usually best to be open about your concerns, so I told my Dad about it - well, kind of, I couldn't tell him in person because I was too worried about what his reaction would be. He was surprisingly supportive, but later on he started giving me long speeches about the fact that I need to be more careful about the issue and if Mum ever found out then things would just get a whole lot worse. I could tell that his opinion about me being this way was perhaps changing in a negative way from the way he was talking or getting the point across. I haven't even tried telling anyone else about it, save this message here of course.
That's pretty much my story.
Posts: 2 | From: United Kingdom | Registered: Jul 2006
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I am something of a perfectionist when it comes to coming out. I haven't come out to my parents yet, but most of my friends know. I scheme and plot my way through a "confession" so that I'm never the one who really "brings it up". The first time I came out, face to face with a friend, he came out as bi and then I hugged him and said "Welcome to the family!"
the second big confession was SOOOO much better. There was this incredibly obnoxious guy who had been hitting on me since eighth grade and to get him off my case I decided to take drastic measures and just come out to him (since he didn't seem to understand that 'no' meant NO EFFING WAY). I checked out "Places, Please!", an anthology of lesbian plays, from the library, and then sat down to read it in one of the classes that I shared with the guy. He came over to bug me, per usual, and he asked me what I was reading.
ME: This... (shows him cover, which says LESBIAN in pretty pink letters)
HIM: (pause) Oh. um. Why are you reading that?
ME: Why wouldn't I read it?
HIM: Well, it's just the... the subject...
ME: ...and? What about it?
HIM: I'm just wondering why you're reading a book about... THAT.
ME: ... huh? about what?
HIM: Uhhh.
ME: (getting impatient) Well, why do you think I am reading a book about L-E-S-B-I-A-N-S???
HIM: (twitches) uhh. well. there are, uh. NUMEROUS reasons.
ME: such as....?
HIM: I don't want to offend you!
ME: Oh no, go ahead. I promise I won't get mad.
HIM: ... (very small voice) ... you... ARE ONE?
ME: Very good. (snaps book shut)
HIM: (panicking) Now I've offended you!
ME: Yeah, because it took you THAT LONG to figure it out!
and then I took the opportunity to come out to everybody else using that story, and then in the midst of confused faces, I'd be all innocent and say, "what? you didn't know I was gay?" h-i-l-a-r-i-o-u-s.
The guy left me alone for a week, but the peace couldn't last. He attacked me the following Monday, looking like he'd prepped the whole weekend for this confrontation.
HIM: How do you know that you're... THAT. If you've never done it with a girl?!
ME: (deadpan) You are asking me (points to self) how * I * know that I am a LESBIAN if I have never BEEN SEXUALLY INTIMATE with another girl before?
HIM: (twitches spasmodically) .. y-yes.
ME: So I suppose that you are completely genderless and asexual too, eh?
HIM: Uh, well, actually...
ME: OH, JEBUS (runs away)
yeah. so there's the account of the obnoxious guy and myself. I really do owe him one, though. Coming out would have been far less entertaining had he not been harassing me for the past several years.
-------------------- "You almost look like a... a.... not a woman..." -- Oriental Occultist, The Incredibly Cool Club Posts: 45 | From: a very nice, well-aerated closet | Registered: Aug 2006
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I have only come out to two people so far: my oldest and dearest friend Erika, and my ex-boyfriend-turned-friend Dan. Both were over IM. Erika just said "*blinks* not what I thought you were going to say," and welcomed me to the club (she's bi too.) Dan had been joking that I had found my gay side after I broke up with him and I said "Actually..." His response:O_o? and, after I explained my problems in detail, "Whoa. That's heavy." Both of them have been very supportive of me and I'm glad they're there to lean on. I don't plan on telling a lot of other people about my orientation because no one really needs to know: I'm not in a relationship, the only realtionship I want to be in right now is impossible, and I really don't see any reason to go through it all when there's no point.
-------------------- "Cut her down." "She is a witch!" "But she's our witch. Cut her down." Posts: 167 | From: Indiana, USA | Registered: Jun 2006
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I'm a 32yr old lesbian, who only came "out" to my family, approx 4yrs ago, i was aware of my sexuality at age 15, but i wanted to be cool, cuz all my friends had bf's, and i didnt want them to hate me so the only ppl who knew were myself, and the gals i was with, yet i continued to try to be cool, and i dated guys too, and had sexual experiences that made me cry and feel dirty from day 1, as i grew older i kept it to myself, but more ppl knew of course, still dating men to be cool, at age 19 i got pregnant by a loser, but a friend of mine who was a guy helped me out with my baby, i even married him b-cuz my mom started questioning my relationship with my best friend(female), i was afraid they'd hate me, through-out my marriage my hub. and i never shared the same bed, i became serious with a certain woman, and 1 day my mom found a letter from her that i accidentally left in her car, my closet door was open, i stepped out of that closet as fast as a cheetah runs!!!!! so,by the time my daughter was 9 she was aware as well as that mom likes girls, today i dont have a husband anymore but i have great respect for him, we are still friends, my family is fully accepting of my sexuality, but it took awhile, and now my daughter even wants to pre-approve of my gf's cuz she wants to help mom find a woman who will treat her right. i recently met a woman, whose had very similar experiences, so-far-so-good!! its not always easy to let your family and peers know the truth, but i believe the sooner the better for your soul, and a chance for acceptance earlier from the ppl who truely care, and although i will never regret my daughter(now 12).i wish i would have let others know who and what i was sooner, it probably would have made life alot easier, alot sooner!!!
Posts: 1 | From: pennsylvania | Registered: Aug 2006
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My coming out? To my best friend: Over the phone, basically "oh, I found some really hot person... I'll tell you when I see you." ... "Are you a lesbian?" "Um, not exactly..." "You're bi?" "Yeah." "Oh, cool." To my dad: We're sitting at a table at some little coffee shop talking about something I forget... "i'm bi." continue conversation... I actually doubt he remembers it at all, but I know he heard me. Lucky I have an open, accepting family and upbringing.
-------------------- "Love and let love."
~Snowy~ Posts: 32 | From: HELL also Cape Town, South Africa | Registered: Jun 2006
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There's another side to this, too. How do the parents deal? My wife's best friend has a daughter and two sons, one of whom is rather distant, emotionally. It happened a few years ago that a transgendered person from our town was beaten to death in a hate crime. Of course that sort of thing brings out the "Christians" who parade around with signs telling everyone how the victim is now burning in hell and he/she deserved it. So others of us went on a counter-vigil of sorts, silent marches with candles and signs of respect. I wasn't silent to wife's bf, though. I raged for days about the crime and the "Christian" response, until wife's bf finally admitted that younger son K_ was gay, and she was ashamed to admit it. We said, approximately, "Oh. OK." and that was that. As she got up the nerve to tell others, she found that another friend was firmly in the "He's gonna burn in hell!!" camp: they were quickly made pariahs by us and K_'s two sibs, though wife's friend continued to talk to them. Sometimes a parent might be in the position of our friend, unsure of what it means and what support they may have. We might have guessed about K_, (my wife says she did) but personally, my take on it is "OK. So?" I find it easier to be sympathetic to the young person afraid to come out, especially when I read a couple of stories here about people trying to deal with their mothers, but don't forget that the parents may be facing a struggle, too. There is a wonderful irony in a follow-on to this story. Recall the friend who was so judgemental about K_? He is now in prison for molesting his young granddaughter. This sounds like bad fiction, but I swear it is true. I have found that it is very hard to rage when you're laughing.
Posts: 6 | From: SanFrancisco Bay area | Registered: Aug 2006
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There's another side to this, too. How do the parents deal? My wife's best friend has a daughter and two sons, one of whom is rather distant, emotionally. It happened a few years ago that a transgendered person from our town was beaten to death in a hate crime. Of course that sort of thing brings out the "Christians" who parade around with signs telling everyone how the victim is now burning in hell and he/she deserved it. So others of us went on a counter-vigil of sorts, silent marches with candles and signs of respect. I wasn't silent to wife's bf, though. I raged for days about the crime and the "Christian" response, until wife's bf finally admitted that younger son K_ was gay, and she was ashamed to admit it. We said, approximately, "Oh. OK." and that was that. As she got up the nerve to tell others, she found that another friend was firmly in the "He's gonna burn in hell!!" camp: they were quickly made pariahs by us and K_'s two sibs, though wife's friend continued to talk to them. Sometimes a parent might be in the position of our friend, unsure of what it means and what support they may have. We might have guessed about K_, (my wife says she did) but personally, my take on it is "OK. So?" I find it easier to be sympathetic to the young person afraid to come out, especially when I read a couple of stories here about people trying to deal with their mothers, but don't forget that the parents may be facing a struggle, too. There is a wonderful irony in a follow-on to this story. Recall the friend who was so judgemental about K_? He is now in prison for molesting his young granddaughter. This sounds like bad fiction, but I swear it is true. I have found that it is very hard to rage when you're laughing.
Posts: 6 | From: SanFrancisco Bay area | Registered: Aug 2006
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I never "came out" to my friends, I had just started dating girls. We talked about it after it had become a regular occurance. These friends were very supportive for the most part and didn't make a fuss over it.
During a lunch with my older brother I let it slip that I was dating another girl. This was when I was age sixteen. He immediately told my parents who promptly kicked me out of their house for half a year because they couldn't "deal with it". They have let it be recently. I think they like me much more when I am single, however.
I lived with my girlfriend at the time, and as it was a somewhat small town, we were two of four out lesbians, and the other two were older. Every second girl had come out as bisexual-with-a-boyfriend, but they were never, ever targets for violence like we were.
School was safe but the streets were not.
I think that if I could go back and alter the course of events I would have not been out as a lesbian. If I had just claimed bisexual as my orientation the following two years wouldn't have been so rough.
I remain somewhat bitter that my parents required counselling to quote "learn how to love unconditionally". My father recently gave me an update that they are starting to understand that concept. Brash people.
Live and learn.
Posts: 14 | From: canada | Registered: Aug 2006
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i came out to my mom and she was really cool with it. i have six other people in this house and the only other person taht doesn't know is my grandpa, because he has an illness and i dont want to upset him. i told my dad, and he hasn't talked to me since. His wife (my stepmom) is okay with it and treats me with more respect than she used to. my friends all know except one, and they are cool with it.
i really wish my dad wasn't stupid like he was. i'm surprised that he hasn't disowned me. he told me to keep my options open and it could be just a "phase".
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Not entirely on-topic, but I was just browsing through this, reading the various stories, and the Gandhi quote popped into my head, "Be the change you want to see in the world." Like, if you want GLBTQetc equality, act like an equal. And, how this can mean so many different things depending on the person and the situation, whether you absolutely have to tell someone close to you, or you don't want to "tell" anyone at all, or whatever.
I guess I personally would fall into the "let's not make a big deal about it" camp. Recently came up with the motto "Don't ask, don't tell, just be, and show." Glib, but effective as far as it need be. That's easy for me to say, because I haven't come out, in even the most casual sense of the term, to anyone. I'm kind of reserved, I guess, not the type to say "Well, that person's attractive," regardless of said person's gender. Just not my style. Also, I'm pretty undecided about my orientation, which isn't much to come out about- "Hey, I don't know if I'm gay or straight or bi or what." "Okay, and?" "And nothing. Just saying." Kind of anticlimactic and gratuitous.
-------------------- "God creates men, but they choose each other." "Veni, vidi, velcro- I came, I saw, I stuck around." Posts: 7 | From: USA | Registered: Aug 2006
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I actualy just came out very reccently. My friends have known for a few years but I was terrified of telling my parents. I told my mom when we were on a walk through the woods talking about prom...
Me; So, I have a question that might be kinda weird... but what if I don't want to take a boy to prom?
Mom; *laughs* You want to take a girl?
After that I completely broke down and started to cry. *blush* I was just so freaked out about having told her. When I calmed down she told me she was cool with it and that I shouldn't be ashamed or anything. When we got home she told my dad and he was fine with it, he said that he had kinda figured I was a lesbian. I cannot tell you how great it feels to have that off my chest. Posts: 21 | From: U.S. | Registered: Aug 2006
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Tee hee...Not that I'm out of the closet yet, but I did take a girl to my prom, because neither of us had a guy, and it sounded like a fun joke at the time.
-------------------- "Cut her down." "She is a witch!" "But she's our witch. Cut her down." Posts: 167 | From: Indiana, USA | Registered: Jun 2006
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It was weird i went into her room and shes like "you want to tell me something dont you" and then i froze and i couldnt say anything so she said "well i will guess then" and the said "are you pregnet?" i said "thats not possible",...than she said "are you doing drugs" i said "no ive never done drugs or smoked." than she said "i know whats going on why dont you just tell me...." and i froze and just mumbled "um" than she said "does it have something to do with Ren?(my girlfriend)" and i was like "um yeah " and then i couldnt speak so i just gave her the note i wrote and walked back to my room. she read it and came in and said she will always love me and im always going to be her daughter. she said saying im gay is no big deal and im going thru a time in my life (which almost sounds like denial but whatever) i said it wasnt a time in my life and ive known this for a long time. she asked if i have ever had sex with a guy i said yes...and she said maybe it has something to do with your bad sexual experience....i said "no mom that has nothing to do with me being gay, im gay cause im totally attracted to woman, and when im with my girlfriend and i kiss her its like electricity running thru our bodies" she said something like she supports me and she just wants me to be happy. and also that this world is an unfair place and people are going to say things but i need to hold my head high and just be who i am and be happy with my life. Then she asked if Ren slept in my bed the whole week she stayed here and i said "yeah..." and she said "well i figured that much... but theres gonna be rules now that you have a girlfriend just like rules when you had a boyfriend" and i was like okay. So yeah im still in this weird state of shock since i told her its just crazy....
I Also told my best friend Ashley right before i told my mom on the phone. She took it well, Kinda in shock a bit but said all she wanted was me to be happy and she loves me and im always gonna be her lesbian lover (we have this huge inside joke that if were both 30 and not married were gonna get married...hence the lesbian lover deal)
Yesterday My mom said something along the lines of "Maybe you should see a physcatrist you know, to have someone to talk to" and I was like "mom, Seeing a Doctor wont stop me from being Gay" lol Overall shes been treating me the same, she tells me she loves me alot more though, and gets a big grin on her face everytime my girlfriend calls my house now. Yeah sorry for it all being so long....Hope you enjoyed the read.
-------------------- Elizabeth
"Peace is not the absence of war; it is a virtue; a state of mind; a disposition for benevolence; confidence; and justice." -Spinoza Posts: 154 | From: Seattle, WA | Registered: Jan 2007
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I don't have a coming out story but I hope to have one soon. I'm bisexual, I am really scared to come out, what if I come out and then I figure out, on no wait I'm actually straight, but I don't think I will.
Posts: 145 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Oct 2009
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My story is kind of long-ish... When I came out I was somewhere in between 12 and 14. I came out as bisexual when I was attracted to(or thought I was attracted to)guys. I was pretty lucky for the first little while. All of my friends accepted me, in fact my best friend had just come out as bi and she was the first person I came out to and she was the one that helped me realize that I wasn't straight. I was also very open about the fact that I wasn't straight, I was very prideful actually and I didn't want to hide it. It eventually got around the school that I was bi. I had people come up to me and harass me. I was called a dyke at least once and I was really afraid to walk down the hallway, so much to the point that I would be looking over my shoulder to make sure no one was going to come up and hit or push me. I was really afraid so I went to the councilor. She was one of these uber christian- gay is bad kind of people, so she basically told me that it was my fault for being bisexual that I was getting harassed. Soon after one of the vice principals came and was talking to me about it and pretty much said the same thing. They were of course saying this in their own round about sort of way. I had no support, I wasn't allowed to start a GSA, put up posters or anything. I was alone. It was one of the scariest times of my life, where I had to actually fear for my own safety because others weren't tolerant. My mother I think kind of had it figured out and asked me about it. It was awkward but I told her that I was bi and she was cool with it, however not too long after I got into a fight with my father about the use of the word faggot. His girlfriend's son was wearing her high healed shoes and my father called him a faggot and I got really mad at him. We had a huge fight and didn't talk for over a month. Now 3 years has passed since all of that and I have just a month ago come out as a lesbian(even though I was in slight denial for a while, lol) and I am now the happiest I've been in probably around a decade and I'm 16. Everyone is cool with me being a lesbian, and I have started to give talks on discrimination and hate slang. My father still doesn't know I'm gay, but he will find out all in due time.
I'm sorry if this was too long. But if anyone has any questions about an experience or how to deal with something, I'm always up for talking even if you just want to say hi.
Posts: 33 | From: BC, Canada | Registered: Oct 2009
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Hi Michan, I think its so cool that you're giving talks on discrimination and hate slang. Good on you! Hearing those kind of messages from a fellow student can really make it easier to come out and feel better about your sexuality, as well as raising awareness in straight people about the effects of their actions. Hope you keep up the great work!
-------------------- For us to have self-esteem is truly an act of revolution, and our revolution is long overdue.
— Margaret Cho Posts: 582 | From: the beautiful pacific... | Registered: Nov 2007
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Thanks, I've been pretty lucky with this sort of thing. Since I got to high school I've had a lot of support and it's been really easy for me to do this kind of thing. In fact, I held a fund raiser last year for an organization that I have a couple of links with called AVI, Aids Vancouver Island. I held my fund raiser on the day of silence and it was called "Breaking the Silence fund raiser for AVI" It was at night so we could break the silence pretty much. It was kind of like a talent show, but it turned out really well. For our first time, we made something like $250. I was really pleased, we're doing it again this year. So really I'm always trying to do something to help stop discrimination, it's kind of become a part of my nature.
Posts: 33 | From: BC, Canada | Registered: Oct 2009
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Surferchk07- congrats! That was hilarious was she asked if you were pregnant and you said "no, that's not possible."
Oi.
I came out first, as bisexual, in ninth grade. It was taken fairly well by my friends, but my mom was pretty weirded out.
I went between bisexual and lesbian for a year, then thought I was straight. My family was pretty sick of me by that point and even some of my friends got really annoyed...
uh, especially when I then thought I was trans. (These all lasted like, years.) Then I backtracked, went back to being a sort of straight girl who has butch tendencies. I mostly just like who I like though. Do what ya do.
I really wanted to know myself and I really enjoyed all of the mentors and people I met in each stage of my sexuality journey.
-------------------- - "Perhaps the answer to the question lies in the question." -Tori Amos Posts: 53 | From: Olympia, WA | Registered: May 2007
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I came out to my friend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was sleeping over at her house and after a day of trying to get her to guess it, although she never would have, I finally got her to guess the letter E. So I said "Elisabeth. I am bi." I meant I like Elisabeth, not that I was talking to Elisabeth. I feel so amazing.
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![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
! After I told him, I casually told my friends about it if they made some comment about gay or bi people and it was a piece of cake. 
![[Roll Eyes]](rolleyes.gif)
so we really didn't expect too much mayhem to ensue. Well THAT began a disastrous chain of events that eventually had me out to the entire student body and the administration within less than an hour of the initial incident.![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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I'll add that my old and new friends all celebrate November 20th with me now. 
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Some parent at my old elementary school posted it in the office because she liked it so much, and the word spread around really quickly into my high school...it was quite an odd coming-out experience, actually, and although i thought i was totally not ready, it actually turned out...okay.
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