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InKeepingSecrets
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so.. yeah.. i'm bi.. my parents don't really know... but i don't really hide it very well... well i have a girlfriend... and ya know.. with MySpace now a days you can find anyone.. well my mother thinks that my girlfriend and i are just friends... she's only met her once... but i am always talking to her... so my mom was suspecting.. so she decided to get onto MySpace and check out just who my new friend is... well my girlfriend is a lesbian.. and proud of it... so her MySpace definately doesnt hide it.. so my mom asked me about it.. and i told her that i wanted to talk to her about it later... (i was talking to her on AIM at the time... then she asked "talk about what?" i told her that i might be Bi... she said "what do you mean?" and i told her that i like my friend/girlfriend... then my mum told me not to confuse friendship with something else... i'm not confused... not in the least... does that sound like denial to anyone else? the sooner someone gets back to me the better... thanks...
oh and sorry 'bout writing a novel

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Peace, Love, Empathy

Posts: 17 | From: Pa | Registered: Sep 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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It may or may not be the case here, but one thing to bear in mind is that historically, for people of every conceivable orientation, teenage same-sex relationships with some form of romance or sexuality have been very common and very normal.

It's only relatively recently, however, that teens have really evaluated those relationships in the context of their sexual orientation, or considered them to be anything but a fluke, if you get me. So, it's possible your Mum just isn't really up with that new context, and is seeing things through that somewhat-older lens.

It might be helpful to talk more generally about bisexuality and homosexuality than about this girl specifically, and to meet in the middle with your Mom, also talk about how its a given sexuality is fluid, and our relationships as people -- gay, stright or otherwise -- are always in some kind of flux.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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InKeepingSecrets
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my mother is just down right against it. that's all there is to it.. she told me that either i change or i leave. she wants me to explain why i am attracted to girls. how am i supposed to do that? oh and she thinks that i confuse friendship for something else.. i'm no longer allowed to see/talk to Brandi... it's killing me

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Peace, Love, Empathy

Posts: 17 | From: Pa | Registered: Sep 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ecofem
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Secrets, I just realized you had already had this question answered here. I just wrote a reply here: http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=16;t=000880 I'll delete it in a bit; it's ok, double posts happen...

I'm very, very sorry about your mom's reaction. She, not you, is the one mixed up and she's certainly not handling it very kindly. Unforunately, while you're still underage and living under her roof, you have to deal with her rules (however unfair they seem.) Do you think she'd really kick you out, or is it more of a threat?

Your having to explain being attracted to girls is a difficult question (for experts alike) and it's not your job to answer it anyhow. It seems that she is really misinformed and could benefit from getting better informed (even if she doesn't chang her views.)

Do you think she'd go to a group meeting like PFLAG (Parents, Family and Friends of Lesbians and Gays)? Or to a counselor who could mediate a conversation between the two of you?

Again, I'm really sorry that you're having to go through this. Maybe she'll change her views one day, and you'll be moving out in a few years anyhow, but that doesn't make the here and now any easier...

How are things with Brandi? Are you completely cut off? How does she feel about all this?

[ 11-06-2006, 02:42 PM: Message edited by: Ecofem ]

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InKeepingSecrets
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sorry.. it's been a few days since i've been on. at any rate... i'm 18.. if i had a job and a car and a place to go i'd leave. but i don't have those things.. so i'm stuck. no my mother would NOT go to a PFLAG meeting because she thinks that i can just choose to be straight.
but on the other hand Brandi and I are ok.. we're keeping things on the downlow... we go to school together so my mum can't completely cut us off.. and she feels really bad that i'm going through this for her... she doesn't want me to have to put up with my mother and she doesn't like the fact that we have to hide it..
but anyway.. my mum has pretty much cooled off.. hasn't said anything about the whole thing in a while..
oh well.. there's nothing i can do so i'll just have to live with this for a while. i'm ok..

thanks for replying.. it helps.. it's nice to have some people who care...

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Peace, Love, Empathy

Posts: 17 | From: Pa | Registered: Sep 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ecofem
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Hey! I'm guessing it's your last year in high school? Are you planning on going to college or getting a job after graduation?

Finishing school is definitely a goal, first and foremost. But I'd also work on increasing your independence in ways you can... so you can be less dependent on your mom in the future. I'd look into getting a part-time job, for example, and into housing options for when you finish school.

I'm glad you and Brandi can keep seeing each other, be it in school and on the downlow. Having to keep a relationship secret can be really, really hard on the participants, so try to both keep talking about how you're feeling about the situation.

You're welcome for replying. I've been where you were to a certain extent and know how horrible it is; just keep thinking of how things will be in the long-term:you being the one to make decisions about your own life. It'll sooner than you think!

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