I believe that I am bi-sexual because I have a like for guys and I believe I am interested in girls as well. I liked my best friend but set my sights on my other good friend just because I thought I would have a better chance with her since it seemed like she wasn't all that into guys, even though I didn't like her as much as my best friend. Well, yesterday, on the last day of school my best friend gave me a kiss on the cheek, something totally unexpected. I want to know if she is bi-sexual or lesbian because that kiss made me feel so good, but I don't know how to approach it. I am too nervous to make the first move, and if she is not lesbian or bi-sexual, I don't want her to know that I believe I am bi-sexual. There is pretty much nothing that would make me make the first move. Also, after she kissed me on the cheek, I gave her a surprised reaction, but I did not show that I approved or disapproved. (I strongly approved) What should I do? I would love it if we could have a relationship.
Posts: 1 | From: Florida | Registered: Jun 2006
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Sorry you had to wait so long for an answer, confuzzled.
It's not an easy situation, because I think you're going to have to at least come out about being also interested in girls if you want a chance. If only things were like the movies and a kiss on the cheek suddenly turned into more! Instead some talking is necessary.
Is she ok with gay people in general? Because if you aren't sure, that's where I'd first test the water. Talk about a TV show or a celebrity or pending legislation that is somehow queer-related to gauge her reaction.
If it's just that you don't want her to know, I think coming out would be helpful. For your friendship and for the possiblity of a relationship. I understand how it can feel weird. While talking about a crush doesn't always feel awkward, saying "Oh, I'm sexually attracted to women, too!" can feel odd. What if you bring it up sometime when you're both relaxed, starting by saying it's a difficult thing to say but you feel it's important to tell her. That you know you like guys, and now you think you also are interested in girls. And that you hope that it's ok with her as your friend.
Now, back to the if-only-life-were-like-the-movies moment, in the dream scenario, she'd say "I was waiting for you to come out to me. Not only am I bi/gay/etc., but I like you!" Other scenarios could be her rejecting you as a friend (hopefully not!), accepting your orientation as no big deal, saying she's not sure but still loves you as a friend or even coming out herself but not expressing interest in you. And so on.
I have to say, the out-of-the-blue kiss on the cheek certainly would get me guessing. Maybe she was just expressing her friendship physically, maybe she was hoping for more. And expressing your orientation would be the way to start.
Posts: 3318 | Registered: Jun 2003
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you said she was your best friend, so before telling her that you're bi, maybe you should just bring up the topic. like, "did you see that movie with that actress? she was so hot. have you ever been really attracted to a girl before?" i came out to a friend of mine once and she ended up not being my friend anymore. i'm not saying this is going to happen, i hope it doesn't! but i don't know your situation, so its better to be cautious until you're sure of the other person's feelings. good luck!
-------------------- "they say you can bear anythng if you can tell a story about it."
-sue monk kidd the mermaid chair Posts: 50 | From: western massachusetts | Registered: Jun 2006
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Hm...well, kisses on the cheek are a bit dubious, because, at least where I'm from, girls are expected to kiss EVERYONE on the cheek to say hello; teachers, guys, girls, strangers, friends... If that's not the case where you live, that probably means she's either a person who expresses affection of any kind physically or she actually does have an interest.
In my opinion, coming out to her wouldn't be a big deal. She IS your best friend after all ,isn't she? So why not trust her with that? Coming out doesn't automatically connote to you liking her. I've come out to a few girls, but that doesn't mean I like them all. It feels great to be able to treat your orientation as a given, not as something you should hide .
She already gave you a kiss on the cheek. Maybe return the gesture? If she did it first, she probably won't think much of it if you do it back.
-------------------- "Love does not make itself in the desire for copulation, but in the desire for shared sleep." - The Unbearable Lightness of Being, Milan Kundera Posts: 410 | From: Dallas, TX | Registered: Dec 2005
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