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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » Lesbian? I NEED HELP!

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Author Topic: Lesbian? I NEED HELP!
OhSoConfused
Neophyte
Member # 29204

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Hi, Im 15 1/2 and I am really confused on wheither I am a lesbian or not. Okay so here's the story. All through elementary I was neither attracted to male or female. In middle school I began becoming closer to girls and had NO guy friends what so ever. Now Im a freshman in high school and Ive been completely attracted to females. Sometimes I believe I made myself think that I am lesbian. I may think a guy is attractive every once in a while but I could not imagine being with a guy. To me, the penis is gross. I have fantisies about girls and spending the rest of my life with them. My mom keeps trying to get me to say that I am gay because I have never had a bf, and because I get very offincive when she says something negative about gays. My friends are always cracking jokes on gays and a lot of the times I just play along because I don't want them to think that Im gay. You see..I am no wheres near the lesbian stereotype. I am tall, skinny, model..always have guys asking me out, always have compliments on how "beautiful I am". I just need someone to talk to about all of this because like all of my friends are extreme homophobes, along with my family.
PLEASE help. I will love you forever.

Posts: 3 | From: NC | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
-Jill
Scarleteen Volunteer
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There are several things I want to address. I'll try to keep this organized but don't hesitate to ask if I don't make sense.

quote:
Originally posted by OhSoConfused:
Now Im a freshman in high school and Ive been completely attracted to females. Sometimes I believe I made myself think that I am lesbian. I may think a guy is attractive every once in a while but I could not imagine being with a guy. To me, the penis is gross. I have fantisies about girls and spending the rest of my life with them.

Being completely attracted to females and wanting to spend the rest of your life with woman definitely points to homosexuality. However, being a lesbian is about being attracted to women, not finding a penis gross or anything like that. What's bigger for you, your attraction to females or your aversion to males?

I'm sorry you're having to deal with homophobia; it can be really difficult regardless of your orientation but it's extra hard when you're trying to sort it out. I think it's a good idea to ask your friends to cool it on that kind of thing, if for no other reason than it's obnoxious and rude. As for your mom, are able to talk to her about this? If she's pressuring you to come out she probably isn't going to react too badly. Hopefully she'll be willing to cut the negative remarks about gays completely and be a little more patient with you.

Speaking of patience, there's no need to rush into a label or set your orientation in stone. Sexuality is fluid and hard to pin down so while the lesbian label might be a good fit now, in a few years you might not be disgusted by penises and want to go on a date with the occasional attractive guy. These are your desires, your feelings and your decisions.

A few articles that might help:
The Bees and...the Bees: A Homosexuality and Bisexuality Primer
Don't Let the Door Hit You on the Way Out (Or: How to Come Out of the Closet Without Tripping Over the Laundry)
The Making of a Homo

Posts: 3641 | From: Truckee, CA, US | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
OhSoConfused
Neophyte
Member # 29204

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Hey,
Thanks so much for your response. I don't know if I'll ever be able to talk to my friends though. When people ask if Im gay and just laugh and say no because I'm not comfortable wtih it yet. Altough I am most def. ready for a girlfriend. I almost came out to my mom but I didn't want to come out then change my mind in the future. I don't think she would react too badly, hopefully. =/

Yeah, and so there isn't very many lesbians around here, well at least not what Im looking for or attracted to. Sometimes I think Im alittle too obivious about it. I sorta have a crush on my best friend and when very together, people can clearly see that Im flirting. I just don't want to have to deal with all of the crap I see the other lesbians at our school have to deal with. This is just causing a lot of stress, lol. Write back please, thank you! =]

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catalinacisne
Activist
Member # 27839

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If you feel like, if you were to come out in your current situation, your life would be worse rather than better, then you don't have to come out now. You can wait until you're living in an environment that is more conducive to that lifestyle (once you go to college, or if you move to a different town etc.) so that you receive the support you deserve.

If you feel like if you don't tell someone, you're going to burst, your mom seems like a good person to start with. You can tell her that you'd like to keep it between the two of you until you feel more comfortable. If telling your mom isn't your cup of tea, you can see if your school offers confidential counseling (some schools require counsellors to call parents, explaining why exactly their child is see them), or if there is a confidential GLBTQ group at your school/community. A supportive teacher also makes for a great ear.

Good luck, I hope you're able to lessen your stress about this.

--------------------
amawesome - (adj.) a combination of 'amazing' and 'awesome,' usually by someone who has tied on a few too many. Ex: No, dude, listen! I like, luv ya man! I mean, you're like, amawesome!

Posts: 65 | From: Colorado Springs, CO | Registered: Mar 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
-Jill
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It does sound like you need some real life support with this -- even just someone you can talk to is always nice. That doesn't mean you have to come out as a lesbian though, especially since it sounds like you're still trying to figure everything out. What you can do, if you have someone you're comfortable discussing this with, is tell them what you've told us.

There's nothing unusual about having your sexuality evolve and there's certainly nothing wrong with being uncertain about what to do next. Odds are, whomever you decide to talk to will have had some similar experiences, even if it was just adjusting to being aware of their sexuality compared to the relative asexuality that is childhood. [Smile]

I think it's important to have a space where you'll feel comfortable being honest about your feelings, even if they aren't entirely clear. Right now it might help to expand your social circle and look for people that are a bit more tolerant. Friends that you can be yourself who will support you -- even if it's not something they share with you -- are really, really important.

Posts: 3641 | From: Truckee, CA, US | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
OhSoConfused
Neophyte
Member # 29204

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Well I want to tell someone but everyone around here is majorly religious. And my mom is like an uptight kind of person. Maybe I should just tell my deaf uncle so I can get it off of my chest, lol. I would like to find different groups of friends but they are all kind of the same around here. Plus, Im quite shy. I think I just might keep it on the DL until Im 100% sure. Which I don't have very long to go until that though. Oh well. Yeah I can't wait to move out and go to collage or whatever because then I won't feel like I have to hide it from my parents. Thanks for the help guys!! =]
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confused_biatch
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oh so confused, Hi... If you want a friend to talk to about all this, message me [Smile]
Posts: 5 | From: Montreal, Canada | Registered: Jul 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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