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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » Friend needs some help...

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Author Topic: Friend needs some help...
Member # 10716

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Ok, this is a fairly long story, but I will try to make it short....

Ok, my friend dated a girl in 9th grade, and she identified herself as lesbian for a year and a half. The summer between sophomore and junior year, she slept with a guy (one night stand) and lost her virginity. SHe had several sexual partners (7) because she had/has very low self esteem. I have tried to tell her that she is a great person and DEFINITELY deserves better than that... and the works. I took her to be screened for STD's and what not because she was too afraid to ask her parents. The screens came up negative yay! :-) But anyway, I just had a long talk with her today, and now she says an emotional relatoinship with a guy interests her, but a sexual relationship wit ha girl also interests her, and her ultimate partner would be a combinatoin of both (obviously impossible, but... reality would be set aside). Anyway, I guess I just would like some general opinions about my friend and if there IS a name for what she wants. Ithink it might just be that she has a very low self estem and wants love from anybody because she is sad and lonely. But what does everyone else think about this? Please help! Any advice would also be greatly appreciated! Thanx

Posts: 30 | From: Orlando, Fl., U.S.A | Registered: Nov 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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I don't think there's a name for what your friend wants, exactly. However, there are plenty of words that people use to describe themselves when they don't identify as heterosexual, or homosexual wholly: bisexual, pansexual, omnisexual.

It sucks not knowing what to call yourself. I've been there, and it's frustrating. I don't think it's a big worry. Things change, as they have for your friend, and then often they change again. Perhaps not in this case, but if your friend isn't anxious about not being able to find what she wants, then I don't think there's anything to be too concerned about. But dealing with identity issues can be less than fun, so she'll probably need support.

She should be glad to have a friend like you.

"Like a bat out of hell, time has come for you!"
-Ballad of a Comeback Kid, The New Pornographers

Posts: 1515 | From: Montreal, Quebec, Canada | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Member # 5640

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Just as a note, it's not really important to label one's self. If you're not comfortable with binary orientation and gender labels, that's perfectly fine. Some people, myself included, perfer to simply define themselves as queer, because, like Dzuun said, often times, what we feel and who we're emotionally and physically attracted to changes, and can do so many, many, many times.

Tim, as in "Whoa, Dude."
Scarleteen Advocate

My hormones don't rage. Oh sure, they get mad sometimes, but then they just stop speaking to each other. -- Daria.

Posts: 712 | From: Michigan, US | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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