Sucks, doesn't it? I mean, if you are and haven't told them yet, then obviously you aren't ready to, yet. And no wonder, if they're trying to force it out of you. Having soemone try to yank open the door on your closet just makes you yank it closed again.

The funny thing is, these people usually come in two varieties (which can be combined). Either they're just generally nosy and want to be proven right about what they've guessed about you so that they feel more knowledgeable, or they are quite obviosuly unaware they're in their own closets.

Take me for an example. In junior high I made friends with a guy who I was pretty sure was gay. And I asked him. Constantly. He always denied it. Finally, in high school, when our friendship was fading and I had just figured out that I liked boys and girls, he told me he was bi. I hadn't had a word for it before. I've joked since that I was asking the wrong question, that I should have just asked if he liked guys.

Really, I shouldn't have been asking at all. He told me when he was good and ready, possibly out of a lingering respect for the friendship we had shared. Out of that same respect, I told him, I, too, was bi. At that point I was unsure if I could call myself such and I didn't come out to anyone else - including, to an extent, myself - for years.

It was wrong of me to try and force him, and I'm glad he did tell me before we drifted apart.

I realised how rude that was of me, because I've beenon the receiving end of the same treatment for a few years. Even then, actually.

My mother is determined to get me to tell her I'm a lesbian. She ambushes me when I've just come home from a twelve hour shift and am dead on my feet, or when I've just woken up, or even when there's just a lull in the conversation. She jokes that I am a lesbian - and says she's just trying to give my father a heartattack. Her tone ranges from jovial to bossy.

First, she tries the buddy-buddy approach. Then she wheedles. Then she reminds me how everywhere she goes, people randomly come out to her. Then she says I can tell her anything. Then she demands. Sneak attacks.

Everytime I deny, reflexively, she gets angrier with me.

She's been doing this since before I left elementary school. I didn't know then if I was even going to get a sex drive (and I still haven't got much of one), so I started off saying no, and it's habit.

But see, she's not going to drag a confession out of me until she opens the door to her own closet. My gaydar may not be the greatest, but I've gotten good enough to know that my mother is so bi she should be on fire and visible from miles away.

She streaks in front of my friends. She fills her computer with pictures of nude women. She tells me that she thinks people are naturally bi and it's social conditioning to choose one or the other. My father thought we was a lesbian when he met her, and so did all her friends (who were lesbians). Above all, she is obsessed with proving I'm gay.

I'm not coming out until she does.

*sigh* Sorry this ramble is such a, well, ramble, but it's a quarter after 6 and I haven't slept yet this morning.

The point is, don't try to force people out. It's not nice, and they're more likely to resist outting themselves. If you really really want to know, tell them *your* sexuality. It's the best way to find out.

Aaah, I love loopholes *grin*