posted
Ok, lets go to a hypothetical situation and say you had the chance to relive exactly the same life. except that you could change your sexual orientation to straight. Would you do it? Would you change? I've been thinking about it and strangely enough I've decided no, it's kinda who I am now. But I'm 16 and haven't experienced the problems in adulthood(obviously). So, what would you do?
Posts: 820 | From: Ireland | Registered: Nov 2001
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posted
No way. I love being bi. It doubles the dating options, and automatically weeds out homophobes. Also, I've made lots of friends by being queer. Go straight? Not for a million dollars
------------------ "I'll be a Venus on a chocolate clamshell rising on a sea of marshmallow foam." -Hedwig
Posts: 1101 | From: San Francisco | Registered: Jun 2000
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posted
Not if you paid me. I had a friend who asked me once if I'd change if it took 30 seconds. I told her that the 30 seconds would be a waste of my time, and I still believe that. I am who I am, I have no regrets, and if the rest of the world doesn't like it, then too bad for them, they'll just have to cope.
------------------ ------------------------ "I never said I was a boy." - Tenoh Haruka, episode 92, Bishoujo Senshi Sailormoon
posted
Absolutely not. I love who I am and I'm very comfortable with being bi. I've never really suffered because of it but it has made me grow as a person. It's been well worth it.
However, if I had the chance to be straight or a lesbian for a minute or two I'd go for it. (Provided I was guaranteed that I could return to my natural state.) Sometimes I wonder what it's like to not be attracted to people because of something like gender.
Posts: 3641 | From: Truckee, CA, US | Registered: Sep 2001
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posted
I probably wouldn't either. I don't feel as vehement as some, I don't know.
There would be a lot of different and perhaps good things, but, and I can't really say why, I don't think I would--it's as though I wouldn't be me even though I guess I would. I feel one of the few parts of myself that I don't have serious issues with would be lost. I think I'd almost be too boring if I were straight, no, nevermind, I don't think I could ever be boring.
Posts: 356 | From: Phoenix--name that plurally | Registered: Dec 2000
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posted
Yeah ooko, I agree about the whole one minute thing though. But I do think I'd be very boring without my orientation
Posts: 820 | From: Ireland | Registered: Nov 2001
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posted
Absolutely no. Gender just isn't relevant for me when it comes to relationships, and I can't imagine wanting it to be a deciding factor in whether or not I can fall in love with someone.
There are a great many things I would do differently if I could live my life over again, but changing my sexual orientation most decidedly isn't one of them.
Kyth
------------------ Kythryne Scarleteen Advocate
"The only unnatural sexual act is that which you cannot perform." - Alfred Kinsey
Posts: 1685 | From: New York City | Registered: Oct 2001
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posted
I wouldn't change either (I'm lesbian). I did go thru a period of wanting to change when I was about 13, but that's basically b/c I was being indirectly and then directly harrased at school, once I changed schools, I was happy being me again!
I've been asked this question a couple of times by straight ppl, and some seem confused when I say, if I could re-live this life, I'd still "tick the box marked lesbian" (as I've heard it described). Any ideas as to why this is? lol!
------------------ "If you don't like gays, then they're everywhere, coming out of the woodwork to corrupt little children... but if you are gay, especially if you're in high school, you're the only one in the universe..."
Posts: 66 | From: Perth, Australia | Registered: May 2001
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<irony> I think the people who are surprised when you answer "no" think they're not doing their jobs properly if you don't feel harrassed enough to want to change. </irony>
(Incidentally, I'm bisexual, and wouldn't change... Would probably change my gender, though.)
Posts: 1 | From: Bakersfield, CA, USA | Registered: Dec 2001
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posted
I feel obligated to mention that love isn't just sex. Despite being straight, I have loved a few guys intellectually. They're the people that transcend all the little burdens that normal people place on me. (For one, they don't bicker over who gets what seat on the couch; they just move to the floor.) Also, being attractive isn't necessarily being sexy; there's a few guys I wouldn't mind petrifying and putting in an alcove to worship and drool on, but I just don't have any interest in sex with them.
For the curious, being uninterested in someone is really very boring. It's just an absence of that particular emotion, like being unattracted to your computer.
I wouldn't change my sex, gender, or orientation. I'm just getting comfortable with it.
------------------ Sapphire Cat You can love me or hate me, but it won't change who I am.
For those of you who don't know, I'm gay (well, lesbian if you will. I'm not too fond of the word, personally). I'm 16 and am pretty darn out. Most of my friends know, and it's kinda funny, one of them didn't and my best guy friend pokes fun at her for not knowing. How silly.
Anyway, if there was anything that I would change, I think it'd be the relations with my best friend that made me question myself in the first place.
I'm straight. I only wish I could be bisexual. While I do adore boys, I think women are fascinating and beautiful. I stop and stare at them all the time. But really, if you put me in a room with one and told me I could do whatever I wanted, I'd probably just ask her to share a cup of coffee and go shopping for shoes with me.
estoy - i know your part of the world. i don't know you irl, do i? or at least from another board like DeadAir?
------------------ I bust my arse so that I can get somewhere in life, so why am I not there yet?
Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000
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posted
I would never change. I'm getting really comfortable with my bi-ness, and have grown very fond of that side of me. Sure, life could be easier if I was straight, but who wants life to be easy? That's just plain boring! Like Poetgirl said, it doubles the dating options (well, not exactly doubles, some girls are *gasp* actually hetero...), and it also makes BayWatch REALLY fun to watch It's something that always made me wonder, many people say that love has no boundaries, that it's blind to age and race differences, so why should it open it's eyes when it comes to gender? And especially when there isn't a gender difference?
------------------ Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he'll be a mile away - and barefoot.
Posts: 25 | From: Israel | Registered: Nov 2001
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posted
Personally, I would never change my orentation either. However, I would change the comfort level that I have with my orentation -- maybe that's not the way that I want to word it. What I mean is that I would rather be more confident with who I am (confidence isn't somthing that comes naturally to me anyway), confident enought to present myself to the world and say "Here's who I am, and, like it or not, you're just going to have to deal with it."
That would be the only way that I would ever change myself. I'm too happy being bi (or, the way that I like to explain it, selfish) to ever want to be so limited as to not see the beauty in all sexes.
------------------ Tim (a.k.a. the dude) ------------------------- "Don't knock masturbation-- it's sex with someone I love" -- Woody Allen
Posts: 710 | From: Michigan, US | Registered: Oct 2001
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posted
Well I am going buck the trend here and say "yes I would rather be only attracted to girls." The reason is that I am attracted to a boy who I came out to and he said he was completely staight (and now I think he is avoiding me somewhat). I still think about him too much. If I was completely straight, I would still have an untinged friendship with him. At the same time I wouldnt mind getting rid of about half of my sexual kinks, that are rather annoying at times.
Or maybe... would I just be boring if I got rid of all that?
------------------ 'An Anarchist is a Liberal with a bomb' Trotsky
Posts: 711 | From: England | Registered: Nov 2000
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posted
I don't think you'd be boring, but I think that to give up something that's part of you because you've had one negative experience, or because it makes life a little bit difficult would be a little rash. Especially as a teenager, when you have your whole gay/straight/kinky/whatever else you can think of life ahead of you. Something (of many things) that Scarleteen has taught me is that sexuality is part of you-and a good part of you at that.
So, no, I wouldn't change anything to do with my sexuality. I like girls and boys, just like I like coffee and tea. I wouldn't choose only to like tea, because I'm a tea and coffee kinda person. But I don't think there's any problem with only liking coffee, or with liking neither. Heck this is a confusing messy analogy which sounded good in my head. I basically mean that I wouldn't change my identity because it's who I am, but other peoples' identities are fine too.
It's probably best to ignore the above brain messed up chronic fatiguey muddled paragraph.
------------------ You wanna save humanity, it's just the people you can't stand-John Lennon
Witness the infinite justice of the new century. Civilians starving to death whilst waiting to be killed.
posted
NO NO and did i say HELL NO!!!!! i love my sexuality and to change would be like asking me if i wanted to keep both of my arms. It isn't going to happen. I have to look back at the wonderful Greeks who believed that a bisexual or homosexual was favored by the gods for being blessed with two spirits that of a man and of a woman. I completely believe that. I might change to be a homosexual but it wouldn't be me and i might miss out my soul mate if it is a guy even though i do prefer females. oh what i tell my friends is that of there is a hell i will come back as a hetersexual male but all in all HELL NO!!!!!
------------------ Normality is a curse for the weak!!!!
Posts: 5 | From: Palm Springs, CA, U.S.A. | Registered: Jan 2002
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posted
Another person to break the trend. I'm fourteen- and a very confused person. I think I am bisexual or les, but I have so much going on in my life already. I feel an urge to DECIDE what I am, and it's hard to since i am too busy and go to an all girls school! I think I have a crush on my friend (girl also). It would make my life so much easier not to be attracted to girls, and it would also be nice not to have so many rumors about my gay-ness going around school. How they know, i have no clue. I must be obvious. Ive only told a couple of people...
Posts: 21 | From: LA, CA, USA | Registered: Feb 2002
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posted
Never. I mean, it's who I am. I don't think I'd ever be able to change, I mean, my signature says it all! And I beleive that me doing this is revealing the truth about people that I have known for such a long time. (Okay, I've only come out to my best freind that I've known for one year, but hey, she's really supportive about it.) And as Alexandra said in 'Josie and the Pussycats' "I'm perfect just the way I am"
------------------ "Take me for what I am, who I was meant to be, and if you give a **** take me baby, or leave me."~Jo-Ann and Maureen from the broadway production "Rent"
The first time I though about not being bi, I was horrified. I'd never want to put a limit on who I can love. Besides, my sexuality is a part of me I've become very attached to.
------------------ Don't fight Fire with Fire...fight it with Water.
Posts: 14 | From: Bordentown, New Jersey, USA | Registered: Aug 2002
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posted
i dont think i would change. maybe this is a bad thing, but my sexuality is really wound up with my identity, so... plus, it's not that bad! kinda fun, if ya ask me. (im les/bi, by the way.)
Posts: 8 | From: narberth, PA, USA | Registered: Jun 2002
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posted
As much as people insist that sexuality is not a choice, I think that I kind of decided that I'd be gay. Or maybe I just decided to accept that I'm gay. I don't know...
Either way, I like being gay. Girls are just so pretty, you know? So that would make my answer a NO I would not change.
posted
I wouldn't change the fact that I'm bi, though it's intersting to think about. The major reaction I get when people find out (as in I tell them!) is that it must be cacause I'm incradibly horny/permiscouis, and it really aggravates me that people think that (especially on days when I believe them) But I think that's more about them needing a change than me. I feel comfortable with bisexuality because, like someone else said, who you love is not restricted by what sort of genitalia they have.
------------------ "I want to live like I type--fast, and with lots of mistakes"
Posts: 14 | From: VA, USA | Registered: Sep 2002
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I've decided (after much heart-ache and deiberation) that I am throughly bi, and wouldn't change it for the world. There are qualities that I can only ever find atractive in one sex or the other, and I don't want to give up either. So no.. no way.
posted
This is definately a very hard question. By being straight, we could avoid all the criticism and harassment we receive. We could avoid to confusion we constantly feel. We could feel more "the same" to our straight friends. But by being straight, we wouldn't have met all the people we've encountered by being gay/bi. We wouldn't have learned all these new things about ourselves, and gone on such an interesting and exhilarating road of self-discovery. So if I had a chance to change, I wouldn't, because being gay is a part of who I am. Obviously, if I lived the same life except for the fact that I was gay, then I'd think men were just as wonderful as I think women are. But I just can't imagine myself in that life.
------------------ And now she's walking through the clouds with a circus mind that's running wild. ~ Butterflies and zebras and moonbeams and fairytales. ~ All she ever thinks about is riding with the wind. ~ When I'm sad she comes to me. ~ With a thousand smiles she gives to me, free. ~ 'It's alright, it's alright' she says. 'Take anything you want from me. Anything.'
posted
i'm not sure if i've answered this question already, but i'll answer it again. no, i wouldn't change. i love my girlfriend. ;P plus i've met so many awesome people through my queer youth group and i wouldn't want to give that up.
posted
i don't think i would change cuz most people think i am one way (always Straight) but i am really another and since people figure i am one way they deserve to be confused when i tell them what i am. most people really don't care that i am bi anyway! By the the time they find out we are usually good friends anyway.
Posts: 12 | From: wisconsin | Registered: Mar 2003
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i'm kinda new to the lesbian thang (i'm only 13), but i love girls and women. i'll sit and stare at them all day.
what the hell man, i just gonna admit it: I ENJOY THE VEIW FROM THE LOCKER ROOM!!! as for gumdrop girl: ya wanna be bi i'll help! (don't mind me i'm just a flirt who's new 2 the site) ~kiss~ ~kiss~ hahahaha!!!
[This message has been edited by tasty (edited 05-02-2003).]
posted
Gosh- a parallel straight life - how tragic! Give up the choice of girls and guys? why thats like giving up a left arm as opposed to having both...*shudder*
------------------ What wounds did ever heal but by degrees? - Othello
posted
I am new to these posts and this is my first one. Yay! Anyway. I identify as lesbian, even though I'm technically bisexual, because I can't say that I won't fall in love with a man. Also, given the chance, I would never change my orientation. That would be like asking to come back a different race or gender or something. I am who I am, and if anything changed at all, I wouldn't be me. Although, if I could change something, I would change society's view on differences, make society accept and rejoice in it's differences. I do not wish to be straight, I wish that I could be accepted as lesbian.
------------------ "Fear falls down like rain And it makes me whole again Fear falls like rain Take me as I am I'm not broken Pieces of my life are not tokens I want to let you know that I'm still learning How to love again and stop hurting" ~Tonic
Posts: 2 | From: Rockford, IL USA | Registered: Jul 2003
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posted
No Way! I would never change. Although it's hard sometimes and I do get ashamed sometimes but then i relize this is me and i don't care what other people think. I'm 16 and a Lesbian and i'm proud of who i am and i would never change.
Posts: 4 | From: Las Vegas, NV, USA | Registered: Jul 2003
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quote:Gosh- a parallel straight life - how tragic!
oh, it's not that bad .
I'm gonna go with the trend and say I don't think I'd change. Catch is, I'm straight. I'm not sure whether I'd become bi or not--the jury's kinda out on that. I was bi-curious for a while, until I did some experimentation in high school and just realized that girls simply aren't my cup of tea. I adore boys, though, and I wouldn't be the me that I am now if I were another sexual orientation. And I like me, which is why I wouldn't change.
------------------ "...and so, son, that's how babies are made!" "But Dad, what about the machinery?" "We'll get to that when you're older." (The Fairly Oddparents)
Posts: 475 | From: Back in Providence, RI | Registered: Jun 2002
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posted
I know it's not a fantastically body/self/sex-positive attitude to have, and I know it's not a great example of role modelling, but I'm a person, not a model. Yes, I would change. I can't lie and say that I wouldn't want to, because I do want to; the relationship that I enjoyed for three-and-a-half years could have continued, if I didn't have these feelings (everything about our friendship was--is--great, except the sex part and the touching part and the having-feelings-for-other-women part). So, yes, I would change. In a heartbeat. But I've tried that, and I realize it's not a possibility, so I'm going to have to stop with the old unhappiness and figure out how to adjust to the new one. ;]
[edited to say: After thinking about this question for the past three days, that was all I could come up with. But it's the truth, even if it's not what I want to be saying. And as much as I feel bad about not accepting myself and my feelings, I feel good for being honest, even if I have to jump into a thread full of people feeling good. Thanks, guys ]
[This message has been edited by lemming (edited 07-28-2003).]
posted
I honestly don't see that there's anything wrong with that, Laurel.
I think most of us, at one time or another, would gladly have ditched or adapated parts of our life or person that created huge obstacles or traumas for us.
posted
i would never ever change even if i was payed or threatened. i like who i am and what i am.
Posts: 6 | From: Batavia,IL U.S.A | Registered: Jul 2003
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quote:Originally posted by tasty: as for gumdrop girl: ya wanna be bi i'll help! (don't mind me i'm just a flirt who's new 2 the site) ~kiss~ ~kiss~ hahahaha!!!
[This message has been edited by tasty (edited 05-02-2003).]
posted
I'm bi and would certainly not want to change that fact. It's given me the option to recognize the beauty and attractiveness of such a variety of people that I would have missed out on were I straight, or lesbian.
Posts: 29 | From: Boulder, Colorado, USA | Registered: Mar 2003
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posted
No, I wouldn't change my sexuality of a bisexual to straight, not even for a minute or two.
I have always been comfortable of my sexuality since I was 17, even though me being bi has always been there all my life from childhood and on. I love both girls and guys. Most people know of me and they are very supportive, and quite honestly, the relationships i have with them are quite much closer. I can see both of the views with guys and girls. It's just awesome. I wouldn't change my sexuality for anything. It's part of me.
posted
Not for anything in the world. My girlfriend is one of the most amazing people I've ever known, and I wouldn't give her up for anything.
Posts: 4 | Registered: Apr 2004
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posted
I wouldn't change if my life depended on it! I tried going out with a guy last year, manily out of curiousity. It lasted about a month and was a total waste of time because in the end I was more confused than ever! I just don't get what the thrill is with guys... Women are perfect!
[This message has been edited by thellife (edited 11-11-2005).]
Posts: 5 | From: Bad Axe, Michigan, United States | Registered: Nov 2005
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posted
Wow! This is a great topic! Really makes you think...
For a while (towards the beginning of my search for self) I would have given just about anything to be lesbian (I'm bi, in case you didn't notice the sn). I didn't like the ideas associated with the word (promiscuity, etc.) and had the idea that being lesbian was somehow easier. But then, as I became more comfortable with myself and my identity, I realized that there's absolutely nothing wrong with being bi. In fact, I love the fluidity and freedom of it. I think it's great being able to love someone for who they are and not be restricted by gender. And now, although sometimes I think it would make my life much simpler if I were straight, I wouldn't change my sexuality for the world.
So, as you can see, I'm going with the crowd on this one. :)
posted
yes and no, i am exactly who i am and as they say - it needs NO excuses but sometimes i wish i was bi . . . u guys get all the fun. ah well, might as well get somewhere being straight before i start knocking it i suppose! i think more people on this site (Ironically maybe) neeed to start remembering that heterosexuality is just as valid and unique a sexual orientation as any other and that not everything is easy for heteros either.
"anything worth learning cant be taught" - oscar wilde
posted
Right now I would totally change. I am bisexual and only recently admitting it to myself. I think pretty much right now I will get used to it or realize I'm not. I suppose I am bi and any doubts on the subject are really me just wanting not to be bi. But maybe later I won't want to change. Right now I mostly want to. But girls are pretty and guys are so sexy. Maybe not, but it is hard right now.
posted
Right now I would totally change. I am bisexual and only recently admitting it to myself. I think pretty much right now I will get used to it or realize I'm not. I suppose I am bi and any doubts on the subject are really me just wanting not to be bi. But maybe later I won't want to change. Right now I mostly want to. But girls are pretty and guys are so sexy. Maybe not, but it is hard right now.
posted
Honestly...maybe. I'm straight, and very much so (the thought of touching other vaginas...so squishy and wet...it's something I personally find not attractive in the least), and in an absolutely wonderful relationship with a man that is headed toward marriage and (theoretically ) lifetime commitment. But, were I not in that relationship...I would probably want to be attracted to women as well. Also, I love the GLBT community at my school and although I'm an Ally would like the opportunities within that group that being GLBT would offer (although I know that it would also close off or make many other opportunities much more difficult). But, honestly...I wouldn't be keen to give up my legal right to marry to be with someone of the same gender. I know not every relationship leads to marriage, but marriage has some serious tax benefits (and tuition benefits) that I am looking forward to reaping. It's also, for me personally, a very strong symbol of commitment and love that I value. The obvious solution to this, of course, is to work as hard as possibly toward legalizing same sex marriage! Posts: 219 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2008
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posted
I like fly_little_wing's reply in this thread.
If I were atraight, I wouldn't have gotten to meet and know quite a few wonderful people in the glbt community.
Then again, if I had strong feelings towards men, perhaps it would have been easier for me to find someone i could have a loving relationship with. I wouldn't feel all this shame about who I am and like I'm hurting and burdening my family just by being me. It would be easier for me to have children in the future, in the way that my community expects.
As someone mentioned above, if I could change anything..I would like to change the bigotry and prejudices that people have so that queer people were just understood and accepted by everyone. But if I couldn't do that, then yes, I would rather have feelings for men.
-------------------- For us to have self-esteem is truly an act of revolution, and our revolution is long overdue.
— Margaret Cho Posts: 582 | From: the beautiful pacific... | Registered: Nov 2007
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posted
I've kept from expressing my own opinions in this (I always want to leave y'all plenty of room for yourselves in threads like this), but since it's up again, and I haven't yet, I will now.
In a word: no, I wouldn't. I've known I was bisexual since I was around 10, and I'm 39 now. save a period of a few years some years back where -- really, quite inexplicably -- any attraction I had to male-bodied people just went kaput, and I was only attracted to women, I've been solidly bisexual for as long as I've understood myself as a person.
The way I see it, to change my orientation would be like changing something else very essential to who I am, like the way my mind works, the things in life I'm most passionate about, my nationality, what have you. I am who I am, and I like who I am and have been. While I'm sure I also could have liked myself were my orientation different, my orientation has been part of me that has enriched the person I am, which has been part of many fantastic and important relationships in my life, and is part of how I uniquely see the world.
I do want to say that being bisexual, it may well be easier for me to say that than it is for someone heterosexual or, all the more so, solidly homosexual (particularly since with the latter, we have to consider all manner of bias and discrimination, some of which I've been impacted by, but which someone hetero just isn't). I can see how being bisexual can seem like a better deal, in that it is POSSIBLE for me -- and has actually been so -- to be attracted to....well, pretty much anyone.
...except for the part where while my possible attraction base is wide, I have STILL been attracted to the people I have been attracted to (and not attracted to those I have not been), and have loved who I have loved, you know?
I also think for me that even when it comes to addressing the times I have been treated with discrimination, bias or spite because of not being straight, I know all too well that even if THAT part of me was different, I still would have dealt with poor treatment from some of my family all the same, discrimination based on other parts of who I am or who I am perceived as, and had disappointments of challenges in other areas of my life. It's not like if I just wasn't queer, my life would have been totally charmed and everyone would have unanimously loved and respected every part of me, after all.
But yeah, no. I like me, and this is part of me. With a different orientation, I'd not be the same person.
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me • S.E.X: Get my book! Knowledge is power. Information is power. The secreting or hoarding of knowledge or information may be an act of tyranny camouflaged as humility. - Robin Morgan Posts: 39750 | From: Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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quote:Originally posted by Gumdrop Girl: I'd change!
I'm straight. I only wish I could be bisexual. While I do adore boys, I think women are fascinating and beautiful. I stop and stare at them all the time. But really, if you put me in a room with one and told me I could do whatever I wanted, I'd probably just ask her to share a cup of coffee and go shopping for shoes with me.
You know, that's one of the better explanations I've heard of what the difference is between hetero, homo and bi.
I wouldn't change, I love my genderless attitude to love and there are some women I know who are so lovely they make me want to just stand there going "oh *person's name*" with a dreamy look on my face, I would never want to stop having sexual feelings towards women, men or intersexed people (which I'm quite sure could happen though it's hardly as if I spend all my time saying "hi, are you intersexed?", some people have intersexed conditions they don't even know about anyway), and also it is one of the few things about myself I don't feel any guilt or shame about and I'd hate to lose that.
-------------------- Always knock before entering my room when I am in there alone, as I may be doing all sorts of wonderfully thrilling things that I'd rather you didn't see. Posts: 288 | From: UK | Registered: Dec 2008
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posted
While I'm pretty sure my random bouts fo fancying women are likely just something that has to do with my age, but let's assume I was bi, or homosexual. I would gladly go "back" to being straight. I have nothing against people who are bi- or homosexual (except when they go around parading it, I never understood that. If I went about parading being straight, I'd get gutted for certain.), but I would personally much rather be straight. I feel troubled and uncomfortable in my own skin whenever I get sexual thoughts about women. But at the same time, I've never really looked at another woman the same way I would look at a guy I found to my fancy. In real life, outside my head, I'm really not attracted to women like that. Sure, they are prettier to look at, but at the same time my personal insecurities make them somewhat offputting. "She's more beautiful than me, she has better dress sense, her breasts are bigger than mine, etc", and I could not stand feeling like I'm competing with my significant other. .. and to be honest, I don't want to touch ladyparts other than my own.
Posts: 21 | From: Europe | Registered: Oct 2009
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posted
I like being queer. And while I haven't always felt that way about my sexual identity, I have always been one of those people who feel that everything I am and everything that I have seen are the things that make me ME. There is nothing in my past that I would change, and nothing about me that I would change - because I like who I am, just the way that I am.
Being queer has influenced my perception of the world, my friendships and relationships, my writing ... and I would not want to miss any of that.
-------------------- -joey Scarleteen Volunteer
"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand Posts: 4405 | From: Europe/IN | Registered: Sep 2005
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posted
I think the big thing I would change would be in my really acknowledging for myself that I was bisexual. I knew for years, and really can't say that I didn't know, but for a long time I really just tried to pack it up and forget about it. Now, it seems silly to ever have tried. I'm really happy to be able to be me around my friends, and although I can't really be so open with my family I'm learning to deal with that too. Looking back, I think a lot of things would have been easier for me had I just been able to tell myself, "It's who you are, and others won't have a choice but to accept you for who you are as soon as you begin being honest and open with yourself." It's a wonderful feeling being able to just be yourself. But I wouldn't change my orientation, I like being me just the way I am .
Hey Shiro: I just wanted to touch on a few things that you said in your post. Here at Scarleteen really strive to create an environment that’s safe for all of our users, and that includes users from many different backgrounds and with different identities, orientations, etc. The way that you phrased some of the things in your post really have the potential to make some users uncomfortable.
I’m not sure what you mean “Parading around” people’s sexuality. If you’re talking about public displays of affection like holding hands or a kiss, there really isn’t anything wrong with people being comfortable as themselves – or being comfortable with others knowing who they are. Actually where you mention your ‘parading’ being straight, I’m not sure what you’re referring to in this being an issue. People in heterosexual relationships often *do* have the ability to be very open and public in their relationships (of course depending on where a person lives, it may not be acceptable for any relationships to be a public view at all) whereas persons in a homosexual relationship would not.
On the other hand, if you’re literally talking about a parade, as in the pride and rights marches, this is a bigger issue in itself, as it’s bring about awareness and hopefully understanding for people and their lifestyles. The same marches are held for awareness of cancer, aids, political candidates, etc – and there’s certainly nothing wrong with raising awareness for something that’s often misunderstood and where prejudices lie.
Just so you know as well, we have the ability to choose how we define ourselves when it comes to our orientation, and it’s based on our feelings and what we’re comfortable with. It’s also not uncommon for the things we think about to not always be in line with what we may want or desire, so thinking a woman is beautiful doesn’t mean you want to be with her, make sense? We’d certainly be willing to discuss how you feel about these thoughts you have of other women etc (and perhaps that would be best in a different thread where we could focus solely on that) if you’d like, but of course with remembrance to how we phrase things to best keep this a safe place for everyone.
-------------------- The problem isn't the kids. It's not even what they can achieve. The problem is what you *expect* them to achieve. You are setting the bar here. Why? Set it up here! They can make it. ~Ron Clark Posts: 1213 | From: Pennsylvania | Registered: Jan 2008
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For me, my sexuality is a big part of my identity, and no, I wouldn't change it, awkward though it can be.
However, I'm aware that I live in a place and culture where, although there certainly is homophobia, I am unlikely to be physically harmed because of my orientation, and queerness is accepted much more here than in some other places and cultures. It's not perfect here by any means but I know that I'm relatively lucky in that respect, and so I'm able to say 'no, I wouldn't change' because of that privilege.
Heh, I don't think that made sense, but I know what I was trying to say, at least. Posts: 20 | From: europe | Registered: Oct 2009
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Just a question and comment for Shiro, not meaning to derail the topic-
quote:Originally posted by Shiro: I have nothing against people who are bi- or homosexual (except when they go around parading it, I never understood that. If I went about parading being straight, I'd get gutted for certain.)
Could you explain this a bit further? How do queer people parade it? Are you talking about public displays of affection? Or perhaps pride marches and celebrations? Or fighting for same-sex marriage rights?
Maybe straight people don't need to parade. Because what they are has always been respectable and acceptable and "normal". That's their heterosexual privilege. But queer people, they often have to struggle for acceptance and for equal rights. This struggle can have a great toll on our lives. So understandably, when we finally manage to get to the out, proud and happy stage...we might want to share that with the world. We might want to show that we can thrive, despite all of the prejudice and homophobia we may face.
What do you think?
-------------------- For us to have self-esteem is truly an act of revolution, and our revolution is long overdue.
— Margaret Cho Posts: 582 | From: the beautiful pacific... | Registered: Nov 2007
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To add to what Eryn asked Shiro: How do you distinguish between "parading" and attempts to counter the rampant assumption that all people are straight?
I can't tell you the number of times that I've been asked by acquaintances about having a boyfriend (and had to make the decision about whether or not to come out), gone out with a male friend and had it very clear that others thought we were on a date, been introduced by my (now ex) girlfriend's mother as her "friend", etc. Every time something like that happens I wish I had a huge rainbow to carry everywhere I go. I wish that I could just live with my sexuality only being the business of me and whoever I'm with, but the world tends to impose straightness in a lot of little ways that most straight people don't have to notice.
To answer the original question: My initial inclination is to say no. I am who I am and can't imagine changing a fundamental part of that. Also, frankly, I think that fewer men than woman understand, for example, why catcalling is worse than just a nuisance, and I would only want to be in a relationship with someone who gets (whether from firsthand experience or educating himself) what it is to lack gender privilege.
On the other hand, it would be really nice to have all the legal rights that straight couples have, to not get dirty looks just for walking down the street holding hand with my girlfriend, to not worry that a lover's parents disapprove of the relationship simply because of what's between my legs, etc. Most of the time I wouldn't change who I am, but sometimes I just get tired.
Sorry this is such a long comment....
Posts: 62 | From: DC, MA, IL, IS - changes every couple years | Registered: Dec 2008
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I was going to post about Shiro's "parading" comment, the only reason I didn't is because that day I was feeling so bad I just thought "oh what's the use, I won't be able to get the words out", thanks to everyone else who said something. Lots of individuals presume that everyone they meet is heterosexual, there's no reason why anyone shouldn't be able to talk about their sexuality and be open about their orientation and LGB individuals shouldn't be told off for correcting the assumptions of others (nor should trans individuals who correct others' assumptions about their gender), plus, Pride is an event to celebrate being LGBT (and I think it should also be an event to celebrate being intersexed and raise awareness about the medically unnecessary surgeries performed on intersexed infants which stem from the same prejudices), there's nothing wrong with that, just like there's nothing wrong with the atheist bus or Black History Month (aside from the possible segmenting aspect, black individuals are part of history as much as anyone of any race is, not a footnote so I can see how some might argue that more of an effort to make awareness of the history of black individuals and those of other racial minorities an integrated part of our understanding of history as a whole is needed at all times when we are studying history) and if no-one minds I'll stop here and hope everyone knows what I mean because I have food shopping to do and it's almost 22:00 here plus I have a cold with swollen glands so right now I just want to massage my throat with some kind of delicious oil... maybe I'll just settle for a packet of cough sweets and some green tea with ginger and honey.
-------------------- Always knock before entering my room when I am in there alone, as I may be doing all sorts of wonderfully thrilling things that I'd rather you didn't see. Posts: 288 | From: UK | Registered: Dec 2008
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I'm mostly asexual and sort of wish I was more so. As far as I can see, sex is kinda yucky and sexual and/or romantic relationships sound fun but are likely to cause a lot of difficult problems, and I don't need that kind of complication in my life. I have, however, had crushes before, and they were always embarrassing and painful and worse for knowing that I wouldn't know what the heck to do or particularly want to do it if the object of said crush said yes. If I could shut all that off, it'd be AWESOME.
Posts: 116 | From: UK | Registered: Jan 2007
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No, I would never change it for the world. I love being a lesbian. I have a wonderful girlfriend who is just so completely amazing and perfect and if I was straight I wouldn't be with her, also I've had so many experiences that has helped me find who I am and that has helped me help others and change their lives for the better that if I was straight... well... they would still be the same as they had been without me.
Posts: 33 | From: BC, Canada | Registered: Oct 2009
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but all in all HELL NO!!!!! 
i'm so flattered, tasty ![[Wink]](wink.gif)
) lifetime commitment. But, were I not in that relationship...I would probably want to be attracted to women as well. Also, I love the GLBT community at my school and although I'm an Ally would like the opportunities within that group that being GLBT would offer (although I know that it would also close off or make many other opportunities much more difficult). But, honestly...I wouldn't be keen to give up my legal right to marry to be with someone of the same gender. I know not every relationship leads to marriage, but marriage has some serious tax benefits (and tuition benefits) that I am looking forward to reaping. It's also, for me personally, a very strong symbol of commitment and love that I value. The obvious solution to this, of course, is to work as hard as possibly toward legalizing same sex marriage! ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
I like me, and this is part of me. With a different orientation, I'd not be the same person.![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
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