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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » My BF might be Bi/gay?!

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Author Topic: My BF might be Bi/gay?!
Ashie22
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Member # 2325

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Hey, I've been going out with my boyfriend for 2 months and a week. All of a sudden, he told me about this guy. In September, this guy like took him into a "room" in school and kissed him. My bf said that he like didn't know what to do and all. And that he did regret it. Then the next day he tells me that he thinks he is bi. He was really scared to tell me because he thought that i would dump him. But I like him too much. Do you think that he's just confused because when that kid kissed him? I read in a magazine that it was normal for us to be attracted to the same sex and still be straight.
Also, if he is bi, what do i do? Is it weird for me to go out with a "bi" guy? I'm not used to dealing with anyone being bi. I don't know much about it. If they are bi, but more straight. Or bi, but more gay?.. please help me here. thanx so much

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Posts: 6 | From: NY | Registered: Jan 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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I couldn't tell you if it would be "weird" to go out with or partner with a bisexual, since BEING a bisexual all my life, it seems pretty darn normal to me.

In terms of your questions, I personally prefer a tool like the Kinsey Scale to the simple and usual triad (het/homo/bi). Take a look:

0- Exclusively heterosexual
1- Predominately heterosexual, only incidentally homosexual
2- Predominately heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual
3- Equally heterosexual and homosexual
4- Predominately homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual
5- Predominately homosexual, only incidentally heterosexual
6- Exclusively homosexual

For myself, for the whole of my life, I've vascillated between about a 2 and a 3, and I consider myself to be bisexual. To be honest, I never went through a period of sexual "confusion," and I'm inclined to think that most people who feel they might be bisexual or homosexual usually ARE. Believe me, in the world we live in, very few people would leap at that conclusion if they didn't feel there were a good deal of truth in it. Sounds to me right now like your boyfriend is presently at a 1 level.

So, if your partner feels he might be bi, and might want to identify that way, then he might, and that's okay. Beining bisexual means -- at its root --- the one can be attracted to men or women. It doesn't mean he wants to have more than one partner -- that's a whole different ball of wax, and regardless of orientation, everyone is going to also be different in what sorts of partnerships they want.

Right now, it seems to me that he gave you a great deal of trust and respect in telling you -- you should be honored, and also give it back. If you have concerns or questions, do him the same turn -- voice them.

And we're always happy to answer questions here on the topic, and have a good deal of material on it as well at Gaydar: http://www.scarleteen.com/gaydar

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Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

"If you're a bird, be an early early bird --
But if you're a worm, sleep late." - Shel Silverstein


Posts: 67994 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Milke
Activist
Member # 961

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My partner's bi, and though it took him some time to come out to me, I can't say I was exactly surprised. Or bothered; most of my friends aren't exactly straight, but it still freaks me out a bit how often people come out to me, I almost feel like I've made them gay (like a bad superhero . . .gay rays!). Anyway, it's not exactly a major problem, though it does come with its own issues, like his curiousity over what actually being with a guy would be like, and I'm not sure how to handle that one in particular. You can write me if you'd like.
Posts: 5122 | From: I *came* from the land of ice and snow | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
neokoga
Neophyte
Member # 2327

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OK, i am bisexual, i have known this for more than a year, and i actually had a similar experience in which i was presented, i was also pulled into a room and kissed by another guy, but the thing is i knew i was bisexual at that point, but it was a strange sensation to finally kiss another guy, i think that ur b/f may just be feeling some things that he is not used to feeling, i think that he may just not want to deal with his feelings usually, but now he does not see an alternative to the situation, i believe thats where his "confusion" comes from, his having to deal with things that he is feeling
i hope that maybe that can help u

[This message has been edited by neokoga (edited 01-10-2001).]


Posts: 1 | From: Lindenhurst, NY, United States | Registered: Jan 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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