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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » complicated sex life

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Author Topic: complicated sex life
august.burns.shred
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Member # 48147

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so i've been in a committed lesbian relationship for the past 2 years. everything is going well. we live together, have jobs, different groups of friends, etc. we don't fight often either. for the most part, everything IS amazing.
but recently, our sex life has been suffering, and i can't seem to wrap my head around it. she just refuses to have sex. every time i try and talk to her about it she blows up and says she doesn't want to discuss it, and she just doesn't want to have sex. she won't communicate with me if it's me, or if it's her. i'm wondering if maybe she just doesn't like sex with me, or women in general. i can't figure it out.
i don't want to come off as the kind of person that NEEDS sex to have a functioning relationship because i'm not that insensitive or rude or disrespectful. but sex is nice.

i guess my question is, what could the problem be? what could i do differently when approaching the subject? any suggestions?

thanks!
-j

Posts: 3 | From: Chicago | Registered: Aug 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
coralee
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Member # 43628

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I'm sorry you guys are having trouble communicating.

You said you've tried to ask her why she doesn't want to have sex, and I'll assume that you did that in a respectful,and not in a pushy, way.

How about telling her that you are upset because you can't figure out if it's her personal problem, or something she doesn't like about you.

If it's something she has trouble talking about, maybe suggest that she writes you a letter.

Tell her that it's not just that you miss having sex with her, but you're worried about her, and want to make sure she's doing ok.

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IraSass
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I would try bringing this up in a NON-sexual situation. Maybe at some point when you're talking about things relating to the relationship, say something like "Hey, I noticed we haven't been having sex much lately - is there anything going on with you that you want to talk about?" Make sure you come across as non-judgment and respectful, as it sounds like you are [Smile]
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SidonieAdena
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Member # 49815

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There is nothing wrong with wanting sex in a relationship, and the fact that you've been with your partner for two years and she's suddenly started not wanting to have sex seems to me to be a reasonable concern.

What is "recently"? Has she been stressed about anything? Is there a reason you're jumping to the idea that she just doesn't like women?

Posts: 22 | From: Earth | Registered: Nov 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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