posted
My girlfriend and I started going out in october of 2008. Everything was great at first and actually up until she had to leave and go home over summer break. We've been together just over 7 months now. She can only come visit every now and then because I work a full time job and so does she. We agreed this was going to be really hard and I saw her last month but lately we've been fighting nonstop. and by nonstop I mean we take a break to sleep and work and that is about it. She's seemed more and more distance and at the fear of losing her I have become a push over. Where everything is my fault and when she does something I let it go. I know the first word of advice would be to talk to her about it. But I have plenty of times and that is when we fight the most because I try to explain how I am hurt and she always turns it around on herself. Her friends say she is trying to keep busy to get her mind off missing me. Which would be helpful if I could do that but most of my friends are in one of the branches of the military. So I am basically stuck alone at home all of the time. I have an apartment but my roommate left for basic training two weeks ago. I cant visit her because her my mom is completely against homosexuality. I really don't know what to do because nothing is working. The fighting is still going on but when we are together everything is amazing and anyone who sees us can see we are in love. I really do love her and she is the first person I've ever fallen in love with.. and I don't want to lose her but that seems to be the only option right now.. help please.
Posts: 18 | From: Ohio | Registered: Oct 2008
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posted
Sometimes when one mode of communication isn't working, it can be good to try another.
So, how about you write her a letter about this, being as honest as you are here? When we write letters, people pretty much have to hear us: they can't interrupt or turn things around.
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me • Get our book! Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead Posts: 63426 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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posted
Oddly enough I have tried that. I said everything I need to say and concluded by saying I'm not mad I love you. But she didnt say anything and I was like did you get my letter and she was like yah. and I said so? And she was like i have nothing to say to that. Seriously you think that fine. bye.
it sucked.
Posts: 18 | From: Ohio | Registered: Oct 2008
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If she's just shut down all communication, then I'm afraid it sounds like there is nothing you're going to be able to do. As well, if your dynamic is like this right now with you basically taking the fall for everything, that's just not a healthy relationship.
Personally, were I in this same situation, my response at this point would be something to the effect of saying that a relationship cannot continue if one person shuts down all communication. So, I'd ask if she WANTS it to continue. If she says yes, then she'll need to come to an agreement with you about communicating, and when you communicate, about really doing that, not fighting.
I'd also suggest you stand your ground on things. Being a doormat isn't going to sustain your relationship, it's only going to create an unhealthy set of dynamics.
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me • Get our book! Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead Posts: 63426 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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