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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » "ruining" the holidays (sorry kind of long)

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Author Topic: "ruining" the holidays (sorry kind of long)
caught
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Member # 29658

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ok so. basically, my girlfriend and i have been together for literally just a few days short of a year. i am out at school, out to my parents, out to my grandma and two cousins on my dad's side, my coworkers, and of course my girlfriend's family.

but here's the problem. my mom's side of the family is totally unaware of the fact that i'm a lesbian and in a committed relationship with a girl. they have no idea. and they are coming for christmas, and hopefully, so is my girlfriend. see my dilemma?

my mom says i should fly down and talk to my grandparents about it before the holiday (thank you frequent flier miles) so i don't, and i quote, "ruin christmas for them and leave them with such bad memories on such a special holiday. you know they love christmas."

number one. hello! that's a really mean thing to say. i'm not the grinch! number two. when in the middle of all my college apps and everything am i supposed to find time to go down and talk to two homophobic old people about my sexual orientation?! and number three. i know they will never get it and they will never be okay with it. that's just how they are.

so, my problem is, i want a good christmas. with my girlfriend AND with my family. anyone have suggestions?

Posts: 12 | From: united states | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Sounds like you need another talk with your Mom.

I know it stinks (and when I say I know, I know: I wasn't able to be out to my Mom's family until my 30's, and even that was tenuous, at best), but another option might just be to play the "my friend" card. Sometimes, with older generations, they even know full well what that means, but have this bizarre thing where they appreciate the LACK of honesty, and what they see as an effort to be respectful of them. I'd disagree that it has anything to do with respect, myself, but all the same, it does tend to be workable if you want your GF there in a way that works.

It might even be that opening it that way has some of her family coming to you to ask you what the real deal is, or just accepting she is your GF wordlessly.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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