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Author Topic: Confused about my friend?
Djuna
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Member # 29269

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I don't know if this is in the right section - basically, my very good friend, who is a lesbian, was saying to me yesterday that the reason she's lesbian is that she's scared of men in general - including, on a very basic level, me, even though she says she knows there's no way I'd hurt her. She was saying really the idea of being around someone physically stronger than her was what scared her.
Now, as neither a woman nor a lesbian, it's difficult for me to understand that, as I hope you appreciate. We're going to talk it out at a better time (we weren't alone), but I was wondering if any women here could lend their opinions. Is feeling like that a pretty shared, common experience for you guys? I'd be grateful for any advice you could give me.

Posts: 1269 | From: London, UK | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
PenguinBoy
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Also neither being a lesbian nor a woman I can't profess to speak on their behalf. But something general about all people is that we're all different.

Most people I know who ID as lesbian, aren't scared of men in any way at all, they just aren't sexually attracted them. And I also know plenty of men and women for whom, the women are physically stronger.

Men do have a pretty unfair upper hand however, socially. It's more than understandable how that'd make someone feel threatened, but it usually wouldn't change their sexuality (though it can cause problems in a lot of relationships).

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orca
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You'd also have to look at where she is getting that fear from. Sometimes victims of abuse or rape can have a fear of other people of the same sex as their abuser/attacker, or of people that they notice sharing similarities with their abuser/attacker, especially if they have not yet worked through their abuse or rape. Just as you would have a fear of lions if one of them attacked you, or maybe even a fear of tigers, panthers, leopards, etc. If this is the case, then we could help you to find some resources for your friend if she has not yet had some counseling for it and desires counseling.

Of course, there could be other reasons for that fear, but not knowing her myself, I can't really say why she might have that fear.

[ 08-16-2008, 04:05 PM: Message edited by: orca ]

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Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.--Monty Python and the Holy Grail

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