posted
Okay, so here's my situation. I'm straight, but need some help with some explanations, or maybe just need to be set right myself... any advise, corrections, or just plain help would be MUCH appreciated Thanks y'all!
Okay, so first of all, I hope that I am correct in saying that one does not need to be having sex (or participating in sexual activities - just to be clear) in order to consider oneself GLBT. Right? It's just "defined" by an attraction to people of the same gender. (broadly)
Second, how the crap do you explain that to people (if indeed I am right in the above assumption)??? My roommate recently came out to me and my parents, which is great, I'm so happy for him!! But my parents are confused... and I've been trying to explain the situation to them. (My parents are sometimes awkwardly good friends with my friends, but I love it...) Anyways, they think that he must have a boyfriend or something that is over all the time having sex, but he doesn't. So it's just the attraction thing that makes one gay, right??
I feel so frustrated trying to talk to the parents about this... they're trying so hard to understand, but they're confused and since I don't know everything about anything, I thought someone here could help at least a little bit I would ask said roommate, but he's still very, very shy about this. I honestly can't figure out why he's so uncomfortable with it even after telling me and seeing how okay my response was. (My parents, you should know, were okay about finding out, they were polite, and hugged him but later started asking ME all of these questions that I don't particularly know how to answer.)
posted
You're completely right in saying you don't need to have sex to know you're gay. Just as you don't have to have sex to know that you are straight.
It is as you say about attraction. And also, how you define yourself. If your room mate calls himself gay, he is, and it's what he's learnt about himself that's allowed him to make that decision of how he categorises his sexuality. It is different for many people, a few people may actually revise their sexuality, after becoming sexually attractive and realisations made through that. But most people already know, and THAT is what causes them to call themselves gay, and that's what makes them so.
posted
Thank you so much for your help. I'm glad I understood correctly! I am still a bit in need of help to continue trying to explain all of this to my parents. Any further advise or help would be so wonderful. Again, thanks so much!!
posted
An easy way to make this clear to them might to to ask them if they'd assume him or anyone else to be heterosexual -- to have opposite-sex attraction -- whether or not they're having sex with anyone at all.
Even when you just think about how many adults make that assumption when, in seeing, say, an eight-year-old boy crushing on a same-age female friend ("Aw, look, it's Johnny's little girlfriend.."), it's pretty clear that everyone generally defines orientation as attraction, not as activity. To assume it'd somehow be any different with homosexuality doesn't make much sense.
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me • Get our book! Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead Posts: 63418 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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posted
You're right, that does make sense. And the example you gave was great! I'll have to use that next time I talk to them. They aren't freaking out about this, but I just think they are a bit confused and unsure about how "this all works" if ya know what I mean. They've had the same friends for years now and they all are heterosexual couples. I don't think they even have any single friends that I can think of. So, because they haven't really been exposed much to the GLBT population much, they are just feeling lost and realizing that they need to accomodate their minds to fit new input. They are trying so hard, but when you just don't seem to have clear examples in front of you, it can be difficult. Thanks again!!
posted
just say to them for example when they were like 10 did they know they were straight? its exactly the same for gay people, except u get crushes on the same sex. and you certainly arent having sex at that age haha
-------------------- xoxox All you need is Love xoxox Posts: 30 | From: Australia | Registered: Oct 2006
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