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Author Topic: Does she like me?
helpimconfuzzled
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Theres this girl that I do sports with once a week, and shes just really brilliant. And I really like her...
I would ask her out but I dont know if shes gay..
she flirts with me a bit (I think) And jokes about being gay, well she did that once. and once jokingly told me she loved me.

We don't know eachother extremely well, but i've known her for just under a year. and we are quite good friends.

How can I find out if she is gay?
And should I tell her that I am?

Help please?
xD
x

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pockyqueen
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well, you know what they say: the only way to know for sure is to ask.

as for coming out to her, go ahead, if you feel comfortable with it. your intuition//gut instinct is usually right. she sounds like she'd be cool with it, but she's your friend, so you should be able to gauge her potential reaction.

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Joga Bonito
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Woah, I'd hold off on coming out just yet. A friend of mine came out to a person that she really liked and now the two of them don't even talk no. Turns out the girl that she liked was straight and didn't approve of homsexuality. Who knew?

I think it would be a good idea to test the waters first. Give her a hypothetical situation to see what she thinks about the idea. Then if you still feel comfortable enough to come out to her and/or ask her out, then go for it!

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helpimconfuzzled
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Well we were talking a few weeks back with a friend about being gay, i cant remember why.
and she seemed ok about it, but yeah.
I might just tell her. I still havent decided.

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Joga Bonito
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[ 10-02-2006, 07:25 PM: Message edited by: Joga Bonito ]

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feefiefofemme
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"Woah, I'd hold off on coming out just yet. A friend of mine came out to a person that she really liked and now the two of them don't even talk no. Turns out the girl that she liked was straight and didn't approve of homsexuality. Who knew?"

Well, I don't know about you, but I would rather know that my love interest was homophobic and be able to move on than waste away lusting after her (or him, I guess. I wouldn't want to date a guy who was homophobic). And besides, from what confuzzled has said, it sounds like this friend would be okay with her orientation, even if she wouldn't, say, throw her a coming out party. True, you can't always judge people's reactions one hundred percent, but you can guess at them somewhat.

As per your questions, confuzzled, if you're ready to, coming out to her might make your friend more comfortable sharing her orientation with you, if she is gay. Talking to other people about their orientations can be a bit of an iffy topic, and one best handled with care. But geting yours all cleared up and out in the open could be a good way to start. Again, though, only when you're ready.

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helpimconfuzzled
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I feel like I can tell her anything. but im a nervous person and I dont know wat to say.
The only time i could get her on her own is when shes changing in the toilet.
not a great setting...
x

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logic_grrl
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Okay, so you're not spending time with her one-to-one or outside the sports setting?

In that case, it might be worth looking for some opportunities to hang out together and develop the friendship, before you think about coming out to her.

As you say, cornering her while she's changing in the toilet would be a bad move! [Big Grin]

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"Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world's grief. Do justly, now. Love mercy, now. Walk humbly, now. You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it." - the Talmud

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feefiefofemme
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"The only time i could get her on her own is when shes changing in the toilet."

Yeah, telling someone you're gay while half-naked in the locker room = not exactly a good idea. If it turns out that she is homophobic, that could make for a very awkward situation.

Why don't you try asking her out (as friends) to get food or something before or after sports? That could get the ball rolling as per seeing each other more often, and then you could take things from there.

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helpimconfuzzled
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Well I told her... On MSN.
And I wished I did it to her face, because its more personal.
And well she was fine about it...
thats all I can say.
I guess she wasnt gay.
But I swear she flirted with me.
Well I see her tommorow so Ill see what happens.
x

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feefiefofemme
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I know what you mean, about telling people face-to-face rather than over the internet or through a letter. That's my big debate about coming out to one of my best friends. I'm so terrible at talking to people about important things face-to-face, and I feel like I need to say everything I need to say all at once, without interruptions, so I don't get sidetracked or panic. But at the same time, coming out through a letter or something just seems so impersonal... But 'nough about me.

Congrats on telling her. I'm glad she took it well. As per her having flirted with you, it is easy to mistake friendliness and joking around for being flirtatious, especially when you're hoping for signs. That's not to say that she wasn't flirting with you, just if she says she's straight, for all practical purposes that's what you have to assume is true. But who knows, maybe things will change in the future.

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helpimconfuzzled
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Well I've never asked her sexuality so who knows?
Im going to go do this sports thing now, so ill be seeing her.
x

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feefiefofemme
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Oh, okay. Then whoops on me for the misunderstanding. I assumed, since you said "I guess she wasnt gay," that she had said something to you.

How'd things go at sports? Eventful at all?

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helpimconfuzzled
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Well i caught her looking at me when we were doing this close eyed breathing exercise.
I just smiled at her and closed my eyes.
And when i tried to help her and the person she was working with, her partner was rude to me, but she told her partner off and signed I love you to me. xD
I think that was a friendly I <3 You Though...
I dunno.
x

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feefiefofemme
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Well, I'm generally rotten at interpreting people's actions, and I think half the time I read way too much into things. So I'm little help with the intricacies of telling whether or not someone likes someone else. All I can say for now is good luck! And do try to keep cheerful about the whole ordeal. Perhaps eventually you can ask her outright if she likes you, but until you're ready, just take things one at a time.
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ILoveRyanSeacrest29
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Hey confuzzled. Congrats on telling her! Has anything new happened between you two?

"...it is easy to mistake friendliness and joking around for being flirtatious, especially when you're hoping for signs."
I so totally agree with that. I made the grand mistake of doing that for over a year and a half without telling the girl I even had those kind of feelings for her. I did tell her though and I'm thankful that she took it well, and we're still close friends. We can even pretty much tell each other anything now. So it's all okay. But for your sake I think it's best that you got it out right away. Because like someone said in this topic before me, it's better to know someone's homophobic (or just doesn't like you like that) right away and be able to move on, than to waste away so much time hoping they feel the same and then find out they don't.

But that's it for my 2 cents. [Smile] Hope everything's going great.

[ 10-15-2006, 01:56 AM: Message edited by: ILoveRyanSeacrest29 ]

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helpimconfuzzled
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Well my feelings for her kind of died down, i still like her, i havent see her in a while because ive been away, so i havent thought about her much. she text me to ask if i was coming to the sports club tommorow and I am, so ill see her then.
TBH, i dont think anything will happen between us, nothing ever happens between me and the girls i like n_n.
x Thanks for all the comments and answers.

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ILoveRyanSeacrest29
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quote:
Originally posted by helpimconfuzzled:
TBH, i dont think anything will happen between us, nothing ever happens between me and the girls i like n_n.

Ditto. I fell in love with my straight best friend. And then didn't tell her for around 20 months. Yeah, not good. And now I kinda have a crush on one of my managers at work. Not good either...besides the fact that she's living with her current bf. Oh and this one girl I see everyday in the halls at school. I think her name's Deanna and she's very beautiful. But she's only a sophomore with a bf and nothing's gonna happen there either. Especially since she doesn't know I exist. lol
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InKeepingSecrets
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i fell for my best friend once.. she fell for me at the same time.. then my mother got a hint that something more than a friendship was forming... now i'm not allowed to talk to her. i do anyway but i'm not supposed to. nothing ever happened between us sexually though.. never got a chance...

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PenguinBoy
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That's really tragic [Frown] how old are you? I'm sure it's not long until you have the freedom!

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InKeepingSecrets
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i'm 18.. but i'm still in high school.. so i can't really go anywhere until i graduate... i can't even drive yet.. my parents are really strict and never let me get my license.. so it's kinda hard for me to leave.... [Frown]
it's not so bad now because Kelly and I are still friends... and we talk quite often but i've got the most amazing girlfriend right now that my mum knows nothing about... so i'm doing pretty good.. i think i'm going to officially come out to her soon though.. i can't keep my happiness hidden for much longer...

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