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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » Any advice for coming out to parents? And other questions.

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Author Topic: Any advice for coming out to parents? And other questions.
AB
Activist
Member # 29608

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My parents are divorced, and I live with my dad as my mother and I haven't had the best relationship.
I was at her house a little while ago and staying for supper.

Just a little backgroud first, before I continue:
My mother was abusive when I was younger, hence the reason I don't live with her anymore. She and my dad both have close-minded views about sex; they wouldn't even sign the form to let me into Sex Ed in grade seven. I'm in grade eight now, and I don't need a form signed to be in Sex Ed now.

Okay, well, me and my younger sister (she lives with my mom) were chatting and eating and we starting talking about school and mom says (word for word) "I don't agree with you being sex ed, because they teach you that sex with a person of the same sex or gender is okay. it is not okay at all, it's so awful they would teach you that."

Well, I'm bisexual, and I was kind of offended by that. So I here's how the conversation went:

Me: I don't think it's wrong.
Mom: See, they've brainwashed you already.
(at this point, my sister Kaitlin who knows I'm bi, coughed and left the room)
Me: They haven't brainwashed me, that's what I've always believed. They don't even talk about lesbian/gay sex in Sex Ed rarely anyway.
Mom: I don't like this whole gay issue, we shouldn't even have gays in Canada. It makes us look bad. and anyway, gays are perverted freaks.

At that point, I was really angry, and mom was just lucky I didn't stand up and slap her. I didn't say anything, I was so mad, but I didn't have a chance because she suddenly stood up and said she had to feed the goat. (even though i'd seen her feed the goat already today.)

I think my parents know that I'm not exactly straight, I dunno, most of my teachers know because everyone at school found out, and probably one of the teachers who hate me at school told my mom.

Just a month or so ago, my dad wouldn't let me watch DeGrassi cuz it was dealing with gay issues and he said (word for word) "I don't want that crap in my house. i don't want you watching that garbage."
That hurt. Quite alot, actually. I didn't say anything, I just turned off the t.v. and went to my room and cried. I have a pretty good relationship with my dad, and I REALLY don't want to lose that. But I have to come out to him soon because it's really eating away at me inside.

My parents are Christians, by the way. That makes it really hard.

Anyway, does anyone have an coming out suggestions?
Thanks.

-Frankie

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"think outside the box, collapse the box, and take a f***ing sharp knife to it."
- banksy

Posts: 58 | From: Canada | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
AB
Activist
Member # 29608

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Also.. um.. i know this sounds dumb... but..
What's a pap test?

Another question: Is it possible for your sexual orientation to change? Because it seems the older I get, the more I lose interest in boys. I am attracted to girls more at school, and i don't even think any boys are cute anymore. I thought I was bi for a little while, but I think I might be lesbian. Also, I could never imagine having sex with a guy; having a guy put his penis in me just grosses me out.
I fantasize about girls, and I have a crush on this one girl at school, and I'm always dreaming about her.
So.. Is it possible for me to go from bisexual to a lesbian? or do you stay one sexual orientation your entire life?

[ 06-28-2006, 07:20 PM: Message edited by: Imogen Eyes ]

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"think outside the box, collapse the box, and take a f***ing sharp knife to it."
- banksy

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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I think what's often forgotten is that sexuality is DEVELOPMENT, and the teen years are a time of sexual DEVELOPMENT.

In other words, it's unrealistic to expect that before, during, or even soon after that period, someone would be solidified in any aspect of something which is just starting to develop.

Yes: in people, of all ages, to some degree, all aspects of sexuality are fluid. They are not necessarily completely fluid, or JUST a matter of choice, but there is a fluidity to them, and the vast majority of people in the world are not going to have even a decent handle on something as complex and culturally-loaded as sexual orientation until they are well into their adult lives. Certainly, there are exceptions, and often, as adults we can look back to instinscts and behaviours we had even as smaller children that illuminate our adult orientation.

But it's all a process, and usually a long one (and all the more so when you haven't had a chance to live in an environment with less bias, whether you're straught, gay or anywhere in between). Thankfully, there's no requirement to affix an orientation to oneself before one wants to, if ever.

A pap smear, or pap test, is a swab test done for women to detetct any changes or problems with the crvix.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Per your coming out stuff, it really doesn't sound like right now in your house is the right place for that.

Are you dating anyone of the same-sex? I ask that because really, until you are, it is only going to be academic to your parents anyway. From their view, it will have no application to you, specifically.

Sounds like it might be more prudent AND more productive to take the time to slowly try and make strides per dealing with general issues of orientation in your family first, before moving on to YOURS.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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AB
Activist
Member # 29608

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No, I'm not dating anyone nor have I ever dated anyone.
Yeah, I think I will wait a bit, at least until I'm actually have a girlfriend or something.
I think I might even wait til I'm older enough with a place of my own. But I still, I keep having these opportunities, and with school out and everything... and it's really stressing me out, because I keep thinking my dad knows...
I used to talk to a social worker at this mental clinic near me, and I think I might start doing that again.
Thanks for replying! Thanks for your help! [Smile]

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"think outside the box, collapse the box, and take a f***ing sharp knife to it."
- banksy

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caught
Neophyte
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what's with christians, anyway? i mean, wasn't one of jesus' original lessons having tolerance for everyone?
Posts: 12 | From: united states | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
-Lauren-
Activist
Member # 25983

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caught,

In order to maintain a respectful enviornment for everybody, we ask that nobody make any sweeping generalizations about any group of people.

Not all Christians oppose gays, and a good many I've met oppose intolerance towards anybody.

Thanks for keeping that in mind for the future! [Smile]

[ 07-01-2006, 12:42 AM: Message edited by: Miss Lauren ]

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