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Author Topic: Should I just settle?
oblivious
Neophyte
Member # 26740

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I’m 15 years old and not so sure about my sexual identity, for now I was just thinking of following the hearth and not the anatomy.
But the truth is… I’m not really following anything!
I’m not really out … ( I mean; my mom would be totally ok with it, if I was… She doesn’t really care and she’s always picking on me because she has more dates than I do.)
Also, I’ve never been in love. So my following the hearth is… bullshit!
I think I feel attracted to both boys and girls, but lately, more to girls.
I’m from Portugal, and gay people here must all be hidden somewhere I suppose… I don’t know a single lesbian/bisexual girl! I swear!
I really want to be in a relationship! But how can I? The only ones who seem to be interested in me are guys… And although I do find them attractive, I want to be with a girl.
Should I just settle? Should I just date guys and forget my stupid search for “the” girl?
I’ve been also thinking that maybe it’s my problem… Maybe I don’t have a gaydar, or maybe I don’t look gay at all! Do lesbians have like a specific kind of… look? I feel so silly for asking this… But, I’m young so please let me be a little naïve ^^

Posts: 3 | From: Portugal | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
JamsessionVT
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 17924

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No problem you are definetly not the first one to have trouble with this.

I think you are complicating things a little with the whole heart vs. head thing. Love is a little bit of both, otherwise you can end up making some pretty silly decision. The two have got to work together. There are other factors that are inhibiting you, too, like the fact that you think all GLBT's must be hidden because you haven't seen any, thinking they look a certain way, etc.

A lesbian/gay is just another person. They don't necessarily look any different, talk any different, act any different. Some do, some don't. But there is no universal gay look. W/ that said, just because you don't know a single gay person doesn't mean they aren't out there. What about those like yourself, who aren't sure? Or people who haven't come out yet?

So: simplify things. You feel attracted to both gals and guys, but more to gals lately. The thing to keep in mind (and we say this a lot) is that sexuality is fluid, meaning not all people fall on totally homosexual or totally heterosexual. You could be anywhere on that spectrum. So, don't necessarily worry about where you fall just yet.

I know you want to be in a relationship. But building one, or finding the right one takes time, and the faster you jump into them, the more problems you're going to encounter. So no matter whether you are with a guy or a girl, you need to go slow.

If you are looking to meet others, a good place to start would be GLBT groups. I did a little research, and found one that may be of interest:

http://portugalgay.pt/lang_uk.asp I have this one on the English version, but you can change it if need be

I think your resources are limited because the gay rights and recognitions movements only started in Portugal in the early 1990's, with the first group being established in 1992. But the movement's grown quickly, so I hope that helps!

------------------
Help yourself by helping the world
It's a pretty good day, I'm looking for tomorrow; I had a pretty good day, yeah, I had a good day


Posts: 3987 | From: Greater Burlington Area, Vermont | Registered: Apr 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
oblivious
Neophyte
Member # 26740

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Thank you, I guess I really was complicating things. I suppose that’s what happens when you don’t talk to people about your issues… You start to think about them way to much.
I found out some great portuguese sites that are (probably) going to help me… Although I think that, since I live in “the remaining country” where “the gay community is more discrete” I’m going to have a hard time finding others…
Just wish me luck.


Posts: 3 | From: Portugal | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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One of the great lessons one learns being bisexual is that it is ALWAYS hard to find people -- of any gender -- you really connect with, really can be intimate with.

Certainly, the smallness of ANY queer community, and the fact that far less people are looking for same-sex partners may sometimes make finding same-sex partners of quality and connection slightly more difficult, but usually, that's the easy part. It's the right PERSON part that's trickiest.


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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