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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » confusing crush

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Author Topic: confusing crush
Member # 25068

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First of all, I'm a lesbian. My best friend (we'll call her Meg) says she's straight, but she's confided to me that she really thinks she might be bi but just isn't ready or sure enough to come out.
We are so much closer than most best friends, it seems like. We're always hugging or cuddling and we've kissed tons of times, and even done more once or twice. She says she's straight, yet everything we do is always her idea, because I'm terrified of suggesting anything and either scaring her or making her uncomfortable. I've asked her if she's just experimenting with me, and she always says no, she loves me and would never do that to me. Besides, it doesn't seem all that logical to experiment with one person exclusively for over a year.
She tells me constantly that she thinks I'm beautiful and hot and if I was a boy, she would be in love with me, or if she was gay, we'd be dating. Well, it almost seems like we are, considering our relations, and the fact that she got insanely jealous of my last girlfriend (who was and still is a mutual friend). She'd pull us apart when we'd kiss, because she didn't like to see that, but she's an even bigger gay rights activist than I am....and I'm actually gay and out!
She makes a lot of comments that are really suggestive, and I don't know if she's serious or joking. All of our friends say she acts completely gay, especailly around me, and people who don't know us very well assume we're dating, because everytime we go anywhere, she wants to hold my hand.
I really like her, and not just because she's my friend. I don't feel this way about other friends, even if we are really close. I've only ever felt this way about really serious crushes.
Like I said, I don't want to scare her or make her uncomfortable, and I already know as much as she is willing to or comfortable enough to tell me, so I don't really see where I can go in this situation. Every possibility I've thought of I just have to brush off as illogical for whatever reason.
Thanks for any help you can suggest, none of my gay/bi "friends" are really people I can talk to.

Posts: 1 | From: Illinois, USA | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Member # 17924

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I'd sit her down and have a chat. She's not lesbian or bisexual, but she is the initiator. She doesn't like it when you are around your girlfriend, but she wants to hold you hand. It doesn't compute.

Really, I think it's time for her to figure out what she wants. Is there any reason she wouldn't come out, like anti-gay parents, a religious community? She is the only one who will be able to tell you, and if she is really your friend, she will tell you the truth.

Help yourself by helping the world
It's a pretty good day, I'm looking for tomorrow; I had a pretty good day, yeah, I had a good day

Posts: 3987 | From: Greater Burlington Area, Vermont | Registered: Apr 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 24460

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Hey Cago!!!
well think of it this way you atleast have someone, unlike me. sorry just alittle venting going on, i'll find the right person at the right time (hopefully anyways)
Now back to you (sorry for that little emotional lapse)You sound like a really nice person and im sure you deserve to have something more concrete than whats going on with you and your little buddy right now.

I know your scarred of pushing too much and end up with less than what you have, i know, i know mabe with time and yada yada yada, been there done that, waited too long. im sorry my friend Cago, but i see no other way. you can sit and stare at her and try to come up with as many reasons as to why she acts this way as you want, but the one true answer can only come from her.

Now just in case she really is straight (i doubt it but lets take precautions)you shouldnt just jump out with ex. " so whats the deal( her name), do you like me and want to be with me or whats up!" thats the way if we positivly knew in our hearts she was lesbian but since we dont lets start by telling her how you feel. this helps because, well at least if it were me i would feel more comfotable saying how i truly felt if i knew that i wouldnt be throwing my self out there for nothin.

And i know that your thinking " so why should i throw myself out there" easy. well not so easy but heres why. someones gotta do it right, right. And your actually out so youll actually be thrown a little less out there. still out there but not as much. basically "go get em tiger" is what i have to say. i really do hope i was of some help but please dont do anything your not comfortable with, just consider these ideas.

ill be comming by to see how things are going for you so post us some progress reports!!!
kisses, Ingrid
Bi Bi

Don't tell me what you expect from me for I am who I am, nothing less, nothing more.

Posts: 5 | From: Pompano Beach, FL, USA | Registered: Jul 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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