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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » relationship dilema

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Author Topic: relationship dilema
Member # 10168

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Me and my best friend have been having a secret relationship for the past two years, but we have recently moved quite far away from each other.
I really miss her and we make the effort to get together every so often but while we are apart i try to forget about her and get on with my life because no one else knows about our relationship, i know we have no future and can't be together...but i love her and have never felt like this about anyone, i love being with her and am most happy when with her.
The more i try to get her out of my head the more i feel for her. It would be easier to let go if it was one sided but she's always callin me tellin me she misses me and that she loves me and when we get together we are so into each's so much more than friendship, i don't know what to do i can't tell anyone she's the only one i can talk to about it. My family and friends are quite homophobic and wouldn't understand. I can't and don't want to just cut her out of my life because she's my best friend as well as girlfriend. Can u give me some advice... anything... i feel so lost.

Posts: 8 | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Member # 33

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I think the first step here would be to realize that you do have a relationship with this girl, whether you want to or not, whether you're comfortable with telling your friends you are or not. You have some deep feelings for her. You can't get her out of your mind. You two are together.

Are you sure, among all your friends you've grouped as "homophobic," that there isn't one that you could talk to about this? I know that sometimes I imagine people's reactions and it freaks me out, but they turn out to not mind too much at all. It really, really helps to have someone in real life, who knows you well, that you can bounce your feelings off of. (We're here for you, of course, but sometimes it can be easier with people you already know.)

I don't think you need to cut her out of your life. You still get to see each other, and you still talk--there's no reason this can't exist as a long-distance relationship, is there? I think what you're missing here is some support other than her, and even if you don't tell your family, it might be worth telling someone--a friend, a teacher, a counselor--so you don't have to keep this all bottled up inside. It sounds like the secret is what's tearing you apart; your girl is just fine, right, and you love her to pieces, but keeping that a secret is tiring and hard to do.

Laurel Lemming
Scarleteen Advocate

Kissing girls in English at the back of the stairs, you're a honey with a following of innocent boys, they never know it because you never show it..." - Belle and Sebastian

Posts: 3156 | From: Austin, Texas | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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