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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » So depressed,...please help!

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Author Topic: So depressed,...please help!
Hot_1
Neophyte
Member # 13494

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Nothing out of the ordinary, but it's a crush issue. See, I go to a VERY small school. There are like 500 kids maximum is grades K-12. Anyways, it's not an accepting place of gays, so I haven't come out. But of course just because people are like that doesn't mean that there aren't other gays. Which brings me to the issue at hand. There's this guy. He's in my grade, and because it's such a small school, we're like always near each other. I am like 99% sure that he's gay too. He likes Justin Timberlake, he's into clothes, he has 'swishy' gestures that would indicate his 'gayness', and I'm only using those as examples because I like and do the same things,and, obviously, I'm gay too. But he also flirts like HELL with me. He is ALWAYS trying to bother me in some way. ALWAYS. I am, frankly, scared with myself. I have developed SUCH an infatuation for him. He's on my mind most of the time. And this isn't a recent thing either. He's been a 'crush' of mine for like ages. For a year and a half at least. It's like I'm emotionally bound to him. Sometimes I can't STAND him, sometimes I'm drooling over him. This spring, when people are supposed to be developing crushes, I seemed to have had the opposite affect, because it seemed that I had moved on, and didn't have a thing for him. But there was always that nagging feeling in my subconcious telling me that I did. Sure enough, it's back, and I don't know what to do. Perhaps because I'm not out yet, and I feel so lonely, and seeing that he may be the same has brought some glimmer of hope into my sight within the forseeable future, which is why I've become attached to him. I don't know. Here IS what I NEED to know, and VERY soon: If anyone who reads this thinks that he likes me too, could you PLEASE PLEASE give me some advice on how I'm supposed to confront him?? And also, if all else fails, and this S*** hits the fan, how am I supposed to get over him when I have to deal with him pretty much everyday? I have spent FAR too long with him in my head,occupying my thoughts. Please help me.


Sorry if that was really depressing.


Posts: 14 | From: PA | Registered: Jun 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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There's really no reason for this to be so pressured.

Ask the boi out to coffee. Just coffee. Just say "Hey <insert his name here>, want to go grab a cup of joe or something sometime and hang out?" That's it. Friends first is actually a good rule of thumb for dating, period, so start there.

If it becomes clear the two of you have some good chemistry, then you can come out to him in time and see if he's interested.

And yes, it does sound like he is.

------------------
Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

My epitaph should read: "She worked herself into this ground."
-- Kay Bailey Hutchinson


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Hot_1
Neophyte
Member # 13494

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That's really sweet. Really. And I would ADORE being able to do that, but I'm getting the DISTINCT impression that you don't fully understand the situation. I could never ask to get together with him. We deal with each other because we basically have to. He can be friendly, but we're not on a 'friends' basis. We aren't friends. We're just people in the same class. When there are 30 people in your grade you need to deal with all of them everyday. (And I don't mean to keep saying that, but it's only trying to get my point across.) I know the whole shy thing is really silly, but let's pretend for a sec that it's absolutely necessary. WHAT do I do, SUBTLY but while still getting the point across. I guess what I'm actually asking, since you think that he's interested as well, is how to flirt so that he knows I'm interested the same way?

And I'm really sorry if I sounded rude at the beginning of my response. I had no intentions to.


Thanks


Posts: 14 | From: PA | Registered: Jun 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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You aren't friends YET. You get to choose to change that or not, and just walking up and saying hey, or asking to go hang out, is how you pursue that.

Think about it this way: if the way he's flrting with you isn't making you at all clear, what do you think sending obtuse "signals" is going to do for him? Same thing.

You want something to happen, one of you has to take a small plunge. Coffee or lunch is seriously at the shallow end of the pool.

What you described in your first post doesn't sound like dealing because one has to to me. And you stated it was flirting. No one has to flirt with anyone to get from one end of the hall to the other.

So, at this point YOUR mixed signals and statements are confusing me.


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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