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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » So lost...

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Author Topic: So lost...
Member # 13581

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I am very lost, and I wonder if anyone can help me out. I am 16 years old, a Sophomore (soon to be a junior) in high school. I have always been very friendly with the guys, as friends, and have occaisonally had crushes on, and yes, been sexually attracted to, them. But last year I had a dream about myself and this girl in my English class, who I was sort of friends with but didn't know very well. I only remember about a second of my dream, but she and I were kissing pretty intensely, and I was going for her blouse button. From then on, I have always been weird around her. So I passed 9th grade (barely) and early this year I met "Scarlet", the most beautiful person- inside and out- that I have ever met. I find myself noticing stupid things- the way her hair is sort of blonde in direct sunlight, the way she has the most PERFECT shoulders I have ever seen, and stuff like that. I guess I am in love- but it's not really sexual. Last month we had a band concert, I was helping her change into her gorgous formal dress, and saw her breast, and it didn't really do anything for me (except to embarass me, lol). So of course I've been trying to convince myself of all the excuses- it's a stage, or just an infatuation, etc.- but I'm really afraid I may be a lesbian. I say afraid because while I am not homophobic (duh), I know a lot of people who are phobes, and I know how they treat gays. I also know a lot of homosexuals, and I see how they get treated. How can I figure my own sexuality out, and then accept it once I do?

Harrison John: Eat me, Nicole.
Nicole Julian: Sorry, hon, I'm on appetite supressants.

Posts: 1 | From: Upstate New York, NY, USA | Registered: Jun 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Sometimes dreams are just dreams. The fact that you dream about something doesn't necessarily mean that it's what you actually want to do in real life.

A dream might tip you off to where your sexual interests lie - but then again it might not.

I guess I am in love- but it's not really sexual.

You're the only one who can decide what your orientation is, but it sounds like you're answering your own question here.

It's perfectly possible to have a same-sex "crush" without actually feeling sexually attracted to people of the same sex. And many heterosexual women admire and enjoy looking at other women's beauty.

So you might want to daydream about how Scarlet has the most perfect shoulders the world has ever known - but not want to jump on her and have lust-filled and sweaty sex .

(Of course, if you do want to have have lust-filled and sweaty sex with Scarlet, that's different, but that's not the impression I'm getting from your post).

How can I figure my own sexuality out, and then accept it once I do?

Simple - give yourself time and listen to your body (not to mention your mind and heart) . Don't rush to label yourself one way or another, but wait and see which individuals you actually want to have sex with.

Posts: 6944 | From: UK | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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You may also want to check out our Gaydar section.
Posts: 3641 | From: Truckee, CA, US | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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