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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » i want a girl

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Author Topic: i want a girl
lilmissrebel04
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Member # 13403

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ok..i have no clue what to do and need some advise. a couple of months ago, i told this "known lesbian" that i thought she was cute, we met and we kissed. she told me she liked me a lot, and i realized i cared about her and liked her a lot too. the only problem is that i have a boyfriend. hes cool that im bi (i have been for a while, but never acted on it until now) but when i told him me and her kissed, he flipped out. ive held off everything with girls since then, but its hard. i want to experiment..hes afraid that i might leave him for a girl, tho i assure him i wont. i dont know what to do, i dont want to hurt him. but i want to see what its like with girls. i have a huge crush on one of my closest friends, and she likes me too i think. i dont want to be cheating on my b/f, but, god, im so confused and torn apart. what should i do?!?
Posts: 2 | From: san antonio, texas | Registered: Jun 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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If your boyfriend isn't open to being polyamorous, then he simply isn't, and you need to respect that, and decide if you CAN be monogamous, and based on that choice, either stay with him in a model he can handle, or make a break. And your promise of not leaving him for someone else likely sounds just as hollow as it is: no one can promise that when they're taking secondary partners, because you just cannot possibly know what might happen. Sounds like he's got a better idea of how this sort of thing tends to pan out then you do, honey.

What it's like with girls, flatly, is what it's like with boys, if you're attracted to them both and are bisexual. It differs some, but it differs mainly in the same way it differs being with one partner or another, based on personality, not on gender. And frankly, it's not a lot of fun to be someone's experiment, and kissing folks (or having sex with them) tends not to answer the big questions -- those answers pretty much are right with you, all by yourself.

So, again, you get to do some thinking and make some choices. But those are YOUR choices. Pushing your boyfriend to agree to something he isn't comfy with sends a big memo that you need to spend as much time thinking about how you're going to manage relationships with folks of any gender as you are spending thinking about orientation.

Good luck with that.

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Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

My epitaph should read: "She worked herself into this ground."
-- Kay Bailey Hutchinson


Posts: 68211 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
cinderlla33
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Member # 13467

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well i think that's good that your bi, but if your thinking of dumping your boyfriend, just thinking, you should. If your thinking of it it means you don't like having him. If you feel like a girl would fit you, go for it. just do want you want, that's my advice.

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lemming
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 33

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quote:
Originally posted by cinderlla33:
if your thinking of dumping your boyfriend, just thinking, you should. If your thinking of it it means you don't like having him.

No, it means that you're imagining and exploring other possibilities and other directions your life could take. That's what it means. Yes, perhaps the poster doesn't like having her boyfriend around, but perhaps she likes him very much. Thinking things through before we act on them - and deciding whether to act on them - is a responsible course of action.

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Laurel Lemming
Scarleteen Advocate

"Take a little time for sunshine/Take a whole lot of time for love/...Take your life as it may come, 'cause boy, it'll be gone soon/Take a little time for howlin' at the moon..." - Sam Bush, "Howlin' at the Moon"

[This message has been edited by lemming (edited 06-15-2003).]


Posts: 3156 | From: Austin, Texas | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
nezzar1
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Member # 13794

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Hi there. I know where you are coming from. I have been bi for the last 4 yrs. I know it is hard if you have a boyfriend, but he has to except what you are. My boyfriend kind of excepts what i am but then he wants to share it with me. It is so natural for you to feel this way. Just dont let any one tell you it is wrong to do ok. It is so ok yo do what you are doing. I had a girlfriend for a while. So you are not alone..,.
Posts: 3 | From: Australia | Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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