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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » So confused..

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Author Topic: So confused..
Member # 13184

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Okay, here goes: Im a 16 yr old female from Okla. And Im a little confused!

I dont know where to start, so if this is going to end up scattered, I apologize. I've always liked guys (whats there not to like? Especially about Johnny Depp and Stuart Townsand, lol).

I am completely and totally unexperienced, and yet (considering Im sure almost all teens my age know what a penis looks like) I find a males penis is.. well just plain gross. Why would anyone want to put it in their mouth? Then again I could see why they would want it down there...but thats off subject. As I was saying.. I find it just gross. I dont know why, I just do?!

Im ,as of the past year, attracted to girls I think... Ill be sitting there in my seat and the next thing I realize.. Im staring at a girl.. or when Im walking down the hall my eyes fall down onto her butt, or even breasts. I get confused and embarrassed about this and make myself look at the floor.

Ive had about 4 REAL boyfriends since the sixth grade. But thats it.

Does any of this info give you the impression that I am bi or lesbian? Ive read some stories out of curiousity, and straight AND Bi/Les stories, have really gotten me into some moods (mostly the bi/les ones). Im sooo confused about my sexuality.

Ive not told anyone about this. The closest Ive gotten to telling anyone that I were attracted to girls in any small hint, was when I told my best friend who the two girls in the world I would ever go lesbian for (I think everyone has one or two of those, even guys). And Im afraid to say anything.. to ANYone, even my closest friend.

What to do? And am I bi or bi curious or what, do you think? I feel so stupid for this.. =/

"Quod Me Nutrit Me Destruit!"

Posts: 8 | From: Rogers County, OKLA | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
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Might be best to divide this into two parts.

Generally, sexual aversion to men -- in any aspect -- rather than simple disinterest, isn't about being lesbian. In other words, lesbians are women who like women, not women who don't like men and therefore like women because that's the other option. Make sense?

Maybe you find it gross because you're just not there yet, you don't have a partner you'd want to be there with or haven't yet, or because it's more in the abstract than the actual. Or maybe you're just not interested in sex with men.

Four boyfriends by the time you're 16, FYI, isn't all that unusual or minimal. That sounds pretty average to me.

Second bit: it does sound like you have some interest in women, be it a curiousity or more. I personally am not a big fan of the term bi-curious. I mean, we don't say people interested to the opposite sex who haven't had partners or pursued them are hetero-curious. We just accept that during certain periods of time, people's sexuality is very fluid and unexplored. There's really no need to put a tag on it.

If at some point you discover or meet someone who is female who you want to date, then you can and you'll likely know you do. But you don't really have to choose one or the other or choose any partners at all right now, nor do any of us have to register with the Sexual Orientation Registry. You get all the time you need to see what all of your feelings and attractions lead to or don't.

Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

My epitaph should read: "She worked herself into this ground."
-- Kay Bailey Hutchinson

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 13185

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i agree with miz scarlet, you may have an interest in girls but there is an understandable explanation for reading bi/l stories

this may seem completely off the wall but it makes sense to me obviously
if you're reading bi/l stories and being excited by them it may be for different reasons, it's pretty obvious that men are more visual than women. women like to imagine themselves in situations, where guys like to see it. reading stories gives you a more personal sense, becuase you (more often than not) are imagining yourself in those situations, a story with 2 girls in it puts you in both positions instead of just one like in heterosexual stories, you can understand what both the girls are feeling. which makes it twice as stimulating
about telling your friend, i found it was best to drop hints everywhere, kind of butter her up before i eventually told a matter of fact i've done that to almost all the people that i wanted to know when i started coming out. but it depends on the person, it might be best to just come out and tell her what you have felt lately, it depends on the strength of your relationship and her veiws on homosexuality.
hope i made sense for ya

if you didn't already know, you're not very perceptive

Posts: 5 | From: oak harbor/wa/usa | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 13467

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this is what i would do.

go and find some lesbains/bis. Hang out or go on a date with 3 or 4 of them. (just bi/lesies tho!) if you feel like you don't belong, you don't. But then you might not feel like you belong liking boys. But if you do, just take a break for sexuality. Sure, masterbate as much as you want, loook at porn. But when you actually feell love or attraction to one go with your gut!

Posts: 2 | Registered: Jun 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Originally posted by cinderlla33:
if you feel like you don't belong, you don't.

Well, at least you probably don't belong with that specific person. Keep in mind that just as straight women aren't compatible with every man they meet, bi/lesbian women aren't going to be compatible with every girl they date.

Also, let's remember that other people are not just test tubes -- we need to show regard for their feelings too. In other words, using them as experiments to determine your sexuality just isn't a nice thing to do.

Posts: 3641 | From: Truckee, CA, US | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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