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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » newbie to the queer world needs help

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Author Topic: newbie to the queer world needs help
Member # 13096

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Over the past few months, I have begun coming to terms with my sexuality (which I have labeled "omnisexuality" because I find "bi" too exclusive). Anyway, I have always intended to tell my parents eventually about my sexual identity, and about my girlfriend of 5 months, but I recently found out how homophobic my father is. After reading a newspaper article on gay teens, he flipped out and got into a huge argument with my mother on GLBTQ rights, etc. (My mom is very accepting of my out friend's sexuality) Basically, my dad fails to see the point of coming out and informed my family that he does not want to know anyone's sexuality. There is so much tension here and I don't know what to do!!!!! Thanks.
Posts: 4 | From: Naperville, IL, USA | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Member # 3

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Well, it sounds to me as if your Dad has made his limits very clear.

That doesn't excuse his homophobia, at all, but no matter the source, when a person makes clear that they simply are not open or interested in hearing about others' sexuality, IME, the best tack to take is to respect that and not force that information on them.

Perhaps it would be best for you to simply start by confiding in your mother alone.

FYI, as I said to you in the Biosphere advice letter you sent, you get to choose whatever labels for yourself you like. However, it goes without saying that any label to descibe a persons gender orientation is not likely to sum up the whole of their sexuality or sexual identity, so there's no need to feel you have to choose one word which does that -- I'd be amazed if one word summed up the sexuality of even the most vanilla, heterosexual, mainstream person there was in the world.

Sexuality is a vast spectrum for everyone, queer or no, and we should feel no obligation to try and sum it all up objectively in a word for anyone.

And also FYI, "pansexual" is the most common term those of us use to explain that we are attracted to more than binary gender (male and female), and to include other biological genders (such as intersexed people) as well as other gender identities and constructs (such as transgendered or genderqueer people). And for some, gender may just be a nonissue.

Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

My epitaph should read: "She worked herself into this ground."
-- Kay Bailey Hutchinson

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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It isn't fair to you that your father is that close-minded. But a lot of people feel that way.

Personally, I believe that homophobic people are the most ridiculous people. GLBT people do not force anyone else to become GLBT, its not like they are contagious and you have to remain a certain distance away at all times.

It makes me so angry. In my AP Government class I get so angry. These are supposed to be intelligent people but they all believe in the same stupid sterotypes.

My father is gay and so I am around a lot of GLBT people. It doesn't bother me at all.

I guess because I have just been around it for a while. But the people I know are great people, and its a shame that some people wouldn't want to know them just because they are a different from the norm.

Its your decision what to do about your dad. He should accept you no matter what. Your his daughter. But if that is your permanent living situation for a long period of time I wouldn't push it with him. But thats just me.

Posts: 87 | From: TX | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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