I've known my best friend since the 3rd grade (we're in 8th now). For a year or so I've been attracted to her. I don't know her orientation, as I've never seen her with anyone (male or female).How do I tell her how I feel?
Posts: 34 | From: Baltimore,MD,21214 | Registered: Mar 2002
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I've found myself in the same situation recently, and I can honestly say that it's a tough situation. I've chosen personally to keep my feelings to myself, simply because of bad timing, and I happen to like my friend very much as just a friend. I don't want to jeopardize that simply because I'm interested in taking our relationship to a sexual level; the fact that I have no idea what his orientation is also raises a problem. Live I've said, that's why I choose to keep my feelings to myself.
I have to say, though, that if you're truly, truly interested in persuing the relationship on that level, that utmost honesty is required. Communicate your feelings in a direct and private way. Just understand that, as with any relationship like this, there is some risk.
Ultimately, you have to weigh the pros and cons of the situation, and decide whether or not you're willing to accept the risk of losing the friendship.
It's a tough situation, I really understand. Just, before you make any decision, think very hard about wehther or not you're willing to accept the risks of attempting to go forward.
One of the parts of the fabled gaydar is to measure gay-friendliness of attitudes.
Take some LGBT issue and ask her opinion on it. For instance, you could ask about the anti-discrimination legislation pending in New York State right now--some people want to add language to the bill for it to cover transgendered people as well, and others say that doing so will eliminate its chance of passage, and it should remain simply GLB. (That's from The Advocate, if anyone's curious.)
If your friend is against the whole bill, she's probably not a lesbian. But otherwise, she's at least open to the GLBT community, and you can have a stimulating conversation before deciding whether to tell
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