I am 15/bi and although most of my friends know my sexual orientatoin my parents don't.
Last year my dad had an affair around the time I was planning to come out so I had to wait for things to settle down. My grandparents are very religious and I don't want to disappoint them but I do want them to know the truth.
My mother said she wouldn't care if any of her children were bi but I beleive you can't know until it happens.
Please help, gillians gal
------------------ ..because being evil is soo much more fun.. ~dark queen of scully's non-existant social life~
Member of OBSSE & GAWS
"True friends are like diamonds, precious and rare, false friends are like autumn leaves, blowing everywhere"
Posts: 465 | From: Canberra, ACT, Australia | Registered: Jan 2001
| IP: Logged |
I'd start with one person at a time, and it sounds like in this case, it might be best to start with your mother -- she's stated she's okay with it, and she sounds a little more stable than your Dad.
Honesty really is always the best policy, and I think saying what you have said here: that it's important to you that your family know what you're really about, and who you are.
You can simply tell your mother that you identify as bisexual, that it feels best to you of your options, and let her know you're happy to answer all of her questions as best you can. You can also let her know you'd like her support, but that she's allowed to feel how she feels about it at first -- that you don't need her to pretend to be okay with it if she isn't.
In addition, you may want to direct her to some books or information or support groups on the topic (like the book Bi Any Other Name, or a PFLAG group), and that you're there to work through it with her.
But it isn't always a good time to come out... like Gillian's Gal said, she wisely chose to wait until the end of her parents' troubles. Since my home situation is always a little weird, I think I would wait until an extreme lull.
I agree with Mophead. I'm bisexual but I CAn'T tell my parents about it. I don't even tell my friends because I'm afraid they will feel uncomfortable or start patronizing me.
I have a crush on a friend of the same sex and I'm afraid she'll act strange and rethink or friendship... I just dumped a guy and if he knew I was bi, I'll never hear the end of it. He'll think the reason I broke up with him was because I am a dyke. (It's not).... It's so tough. ~r
------------------ ------------------------- She would sell her mother to make a dime before closing time when he tells her so.
Yup, it's just hard to be bi -- in some ways harder than if you were plain old gay or plain old straight. It's the old "double edged sword" problem -- like if you come out to your female friends, will they think you're trying to say you're interested in THEM? (Not necessarily.) If you come out to your male friends, will they think they can hit on you and ask you if you'll have a threesome with them and their girlfriends? (Sometimes, and its rude as hell.) If you tell a former boyfriend, will he think you dumped him because you're a dyke? (Maybe, depends on how insecure he is, I guess.)
Biphobia's a toughie. Cut yourself a little slack, and remember that this is difficult stuff.
Hey, I'd really like to share my story with you, because I hope it can help you... I too am a bisexual teenager, 15, almost 16 years old. I've felt this way my entire life, but didn't start questioning it until like 7th grade... I'd kissed girls that were friends of mine, but I never thought anything of it, except that when I thought back, it was a turn on.. and it felt like a really beautiful thing... Finally, around the beginning of my 9th grade school year, I came to grips and was open to MYSELF about my bisexuality. The deal was coming out. My dad's brother is openly gay, and my family LOVES him.. and my mom has always said she thought I could "swing both ways" and that she wouldn't care. I finally told a few of my best friends and they were cool with it. I didn't know how to tell my mom so even tho we live together, I wrote her an email.. and I guess she's cool with it, but I think she's still maybe in denial. She's the only relative I've told so far, but I want to become more open now. All of my friends now know, and they are all very supportive. I've been dating a GUY for just over a year now. Being bisexual *is* really hard, as one above poster said. People think you're dirty, or that you'd have a bf and gf at the same time (which I'm against), gay people think you're not really bi, straight people think you're just gay.... it's hard to be understood. I wasn't looking for a relationship with a guy when I had finally broken up with my ex and became open about my sexuality, and I wanted a relationship with a girl, but I didn't want to put boundaries on possibly finding that one special person, and I ended up falling hard for a very good friend of mine.. and the feeling was mutual. I told him about a month or so after we started dating, and he was really cool about it. We've had lots of long talks about it, and he's really proud to have a bisexual girlfriend. The hardest, scariest part for me tho, was telling my *very* best friend. She never actually said she didnt like gay people, but she's got very strong religious beliefs, which I can respect. So she moved away this summer, and before then, everyone knew BUT her, because I was afraid to tell her and lose her friendship (although she should accept me, I respect that she has religous beliefs). So a bit after she moved, I wrote her a long letter telling her. At first, it took her a few days to sink in, but it only made our friendship stronger. She loves me more because I didn't tell her because I felt our friendship was too sacred to risk losing it over something that wasn't that big of a deal. But listen--don't ever be afraid to be proud of who you are, and don't listen to the **** people try to feed you... be who you are and be proud!! You only live once, so **** everyone else.. be you and be happy!! If you wanna talk more, email me.. --- edited per the user guidelines -- Hope I helped :-)
[This message has been edited by Miz Scarlet (edited 04-02-2001).]
Posts: 1 | From: killeen,tx, usa | Registered: Feb 2001
| IP: Logged |
It was was almost the same with me. I still haven't come out to my parents (because my dad can seem to handle anything that's "not normal") but when I told my best friend, I was so damn nervous. I wrote her a note telling her and explaining that the reason I've been keeping things from her (the week before she called me and we somehow got into the "are there things you're not telling me?" discussion) was the I was afraid that she wouldn't want to be my friend anymore. The night that I gave her the note she called and the first thing she said (after hi) was "I am so proud of you." So now we're all cool again.
Posts: 290 | From: Minneapolis | Registered: Feb 2001
| IP: Logged |
I can totally agree with Rebecca up there... I really do want to tell everyone but I'm just so damn nervous and I am afraid my friends will antagonize me and not want to be my friend anymore because they will think I am interested in them and such... gosh this is soo hard!!!!!
------------------ "Do whatever you want, don't let anyone tell you that you can't do it. Because you can."--me
Posts: 2 | From: austin texas usa | Registered: Mar 2001
| IP: Logged |
I really feel no need to tell my parents at this moment. I mean, they shoudn't automaticaly expect that iam straight just b/c I havn't said otherwise. I really can't come out to any of my friends, they totaly wouldnt understand. I remember sitting in class one day and hearing this girl manal and this guy norman talking about how if their sons or daughters were gay, they would do some really bad things, someone said that they would abondon their kid, someone even said they would either kill their kid or themselves. My mom would definatley understand. One of her old best friends was a lesbian. I am also Pagan, and she understood that. I dunno about my dad, he would freak out, he is very sexist. I hate that so much, I consider myself a feminist, and I heard him tell a story about how there was a chick playing hockey with thew guys, all the guys would hurt her, he called her a **** . Ugh. Anyway, I think my mom might already know I am more attracted to girls then guys, Iam in Middle School and I have never had a b/f. ANyway, I wish everyone who is coming out the very, very best of luck, and to never compromise b/c of what anyone says.
Posts: 6 | From: California, U.S.A | Registered: Apr 2001
| IP: Logged |
Sometimes it takes a while. Look at me, legally an adult, living on my own (sometimes, and okay, I live in a commune ;p) and I still haven't told my parents. I told three of my best friends. Two of them told me they were also bi. And two of them aren't really my friends anymore. So I have one best friend, and she's bi, and so am I, and we're both cool with that. Her brother is, too... I think.
See, I live in a house with a f/f couple and my new, additional housemate is either bi or a lesbian... and neither of the couple believe in really broadcasting themselves. One of them is pagan, and she also doesn't broadcast that. They both had a lot of trouble with the parents of one of them, and hearing aobut it doesn't exactly encourage me. I'm not as ballsy as them -- my backbone is made of rubberbands. My mom has said in the past that she believes that bisexuality is the natural state of people, and society has trained us to pick one or the other... my dad has outright ranted about how wrong it is to like a member of the same sex whenever I bring it up.
So it seems like I should tell my mom first, right? Except my mom and I really haven't been getting along lately.. she's really hostile.. and before I went away for my first year at university, she was always like "so if you ever want to give your father a heart attack, tell him you're a lesbian." Except that I'm not gay, and I'm not a lesbian; I'm bi. There's a difference. It's like she's trying to yank me out of the (wrong) closet and push me back at the same time.
So, you see, you aren't alone in your tredidations. :>
Feel special gurl, Hanne came out of her Witness Protection to give you advice
Coming out would have been hard for me, I'm sure, but after my parents read my e-mail it was easier to say it becuase I knew that they already knew. My way? I asked my dad for a ride to my "lutheran youth group" (aka, GBLT youth group). He pulled up, asked me if that was the place, I said yup, let's not make a big deal about this because you already know, and hopped out of the car.
But my situation is kind of weird because I never would have done it if I hadn't needed a ride to group that week. I'm not close to my parents, and I'd actually rather not be close to them and not have them know me. it depends on your relationship with your parents.
I'm not saying it'll be easy, because it won't. It's very awkward when your mom asks you "but how do you know" and you don't want to be like "well mom, I like to have wild sex with girls AND guys". My parents have been going through phases. Acceptance, denial, saying "it's just a phase", insisting that I'm too young to decide who I am. And worst of all, they don't really care to listen to what I have to say about it so they just talk to themselves and draw their own conclusions...
The worst part is that now I'm not allowed to be "unchaperoned" with my non-hetero girlie friends. But my hypocritical parents won't let me be alone with my gay boy friends (I'm not allowed to be alone with bi people at all, yay).
So I guess what I'm trying to say is I don't relaly know. It's nice to have this weight off my shoulders, it's nice to be able to ask my parents for rides to gay skate night and stuff. I don't think anyone can really tell you what you should do because we're all so different and there are so many differet factors in play. So...I hope my little post has been of some help to you.
Good luck and let us know how it goes!
------------------ Brittany Scarleteen Advocate
"Just say no" fights teen pregnancy the way "hey, cheer up" fights manic depression.
Yeah, I'm bisexual. I came out to my mother not really thinking about what to expect...I'm just sort of upfront and i mentioned it passingly. She went crazy. It eventually died down, but she still won't accept it. She simply doesn't believe in bisexuality. She says that either you're gay, or you're straight. Being bisexual, according to her, is just a way to be contumacious. (Um...yeah, mom. What?) She thinks I claim the identity just to be controversial.
But all in all I really would never regret being honest. I am who I am, and if I don't act like me, then I'm acting like someone else. Follow?
Yip, same situation again, I'm trying to battle my way out of the closet. Well, in fact, I quite like it in here. Thing is, I'm 15, bisexual and just got myself a new girlfriend. I always talk to my mum about my relationships, but I feel uncomfortable talking to her about this one because I don't know what her reaction would be. Both my parents are pretty liberal, so I guess they should understand, but not being able to predict their reactions sucks. I feel that I should tell my mum about this relationship before I have sex or anything with my girlfriend as we've always been open about that kind of stuff before and anything else would feel like a betrayal. I just can't bring myself to tell her though. It's too hard. Maybe I should just stop being such a fraidy cat. Hmmmmm.
------------------ 'A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous' - Ingrid Bergman
I've had an experience similar to BiRiotGrrl's. My English class workgroup (picked by the teacher and therefore an abrasive team) was having a discussion like that, and I asked this guy Andrew that if someone he'd respected all his life came out, would he lose all respect for that person. He said yes, and the whole rest of the workgroup agreed with him. It's disgusting.
Posts: 34 | From: Baltimore,MD,21214 | Registered: Mar 2002
| IP: Logged |
Ok i think your right thats pritty stupid that theyed lose respect for someone just because thare gay me my self being gay i dont think thats right o well he or she is gay you guys will get over it you know.
I'm just curious...someone said they were wishing they weren't bi a few posts above...well...I am just curious as to how many people wish they were. I mean I know that I've found peace with my sexuality...but still...I have to admit, I think I'd have it easier if I were straight. One way of looking at it for me is if I were straight...I'd be so incredibly bored. Why? Cuz I wouldn't have all the added drama that comes along with the lifestyle. Shirley Manson says it best, "I'm only happy when it rains...I'm only happy when it's complicated..."
Posts: 86 | From: Las Vegas, NV, United States | Registered: Jun 2001
| IP: Logged |
Hiiii. Um... I'm a little nervous, you see I've only told three people about this so far, and I only know them as close friends through an RPG I play at. I haven't even told my best friend, who is closer to me than anything I could ever dream of. I think I might be Bisexual. I mean... do I like boys AND GIRLS? Or am I just hor**?
But I think I really might be, I'm just afraid to admit it. My mother is the worst sort of person to ever admit being gay/bisexual to. When I told her about my being Wiccan she flipped out completely, as she is so religious. She is marrying (THIS WEEKEND) into a family that is even moreso than her. I'm only fourteen and she will go insane and think I'm just doing it for attention. She thinks that everything out of the ordinary is to get attention.
-Excuse me. Out of HER definition of ordinary.
then there is my father. Hegoes on about how he doesnt MIND gay people... but they're wrong. They shouldn't BE gay and they need to stay by themselves. *sarcastic->*But they're okay! I mean- give me a break!
And back to my mother- she thinks gay people aren't really GAY... they just want to have sex with each other, like as if they are sex-crazed lunatics who have nothing better to do than "be gay".
I'm also a little worried she might be suspicious of me because we were at astore and she saw a T-shirt (i dragged her intot he store) that had the word PRIDE written across the front in the gay rainbow symbol or what it is. And anyway, she goes all: "Oh look honey! GAY PRIDE T-shirts!" like as if it's the funniest thing in the world to her, and I get an attitude and she looks at me funny.
With my friends... I don't know. I know at least one of them will be okay with it, but rumors spread easily and fast in my school and if one person found i out I might be bisexual, well then there go my chances of ever getting a boyfriend. I'm nervous to think about dating a girl only because I don't want to be harassed over it, Ive heard horrible stories about it.
I guess I just think i need some idvice. I like in a house with my father, my 17 yr old brother, and his two friends, 24 and 26. And one of them is always talking about God and how gay is WRONG and against nature etc.
I hate it.
And my mother already thinks my best/f is a bad influence on me, what if she thinks that this is her "influence" as well. I'm not usually influenced by things like that, but my mother assumes that if i ever do something drastic she doesn't like, i'm totally INFLUENCED in it.
I'm scared to say anything and I don't know what to do; help?
((P.s. Dont mean to sound whiny- im just trying to get this off my chest one way or another and hopefully get some advice))
------------------ -Someone once told me to do my homework. I responded in explaining that it would then leave me no time to plot my world domination takeover-
Yeah, I hear you guys! I've come out as bi only to two people so far...one of my best female friends, who's lesbian and was totally supportive and could give me advice since she's been through a similar proccess. She also commented jokingly "Yes! You've come over to our side!" It was very happy and funny. The other person is my best friend on the planet, though we're more than friends. He was not only okay with it, but also "not at all surprised" though he had to go off somewhere at that point and wouldn't explain what he meant. I am totally not sure if I should even come out to my parents at this point. I mean, I don't think they would completely flip out or anything...they're generally quite liberal, and have never said anything negative about a gay friend I have...but it would be different hearing it from their own daughter, I think. Also, I've only recently decided it for myself, and I don't want to decide otherwise later and have already shocked my parents with it. I think I'll wait maybe until the end of the school year, unless something else forces the issue beforehand. I'm away at college (Bryn Mawr!) so I really won't even see them that often until then.
Posts: 105 | From: Bryn Mawr, PA, USA | Registered: Sep 2002
| IP: Logged |
Well, before I realized I was gay, I didn't think anything of it. When I would hear that someone was gay, I wasn't all "Go Gay Pride!" or anything, but I wasn't against it. However, if it came to supporting gay adoption or things like that, then I was all for it because I believe in equality to everyone. But I just really wasn't exposed to homosexuality.
Now, it's ALWAYS on my mind, the only thing I can think of. I think my mom might be a little suspicious, given than I NEVER talk about guys, and never DID. And also that she keeps asking me ALL the time if anything is wrong! It's not that there's something wrong, it's just that it's always on the mind. She also told me she doesn't want me to paint all guys with the same brush because of the way I've been treated by some in the past.
Right now, I don't have too much of a reason to come out, other than I could atleast read GLBT books without feeling freaked out, and watch 'Out in the City' without worrying someone will see me. But I don't have a gf, and my parents are just going through too much right now.
I'm not out to anyone, except for 2 people I know on the internet. Both I've known for 2 years. I've close to them for about a year though. They also both happen to be gay, so that's why I told them. They both knew I was atleast bi even before I did!!! They've been a great help to me, and a source for my venting. (i.e. saying "OMG! She's soooooo cute!")
I really don't know how my friends would take it if I told them. I think they'd accept me, but there's always that feeling of them thinking "GAY GAY GAY" the first time they see you. I just couldn't imagine my whole school and teachers knowing about me. I'll probably wait a few more years before I come out.
------------------ And now she's walking through the clouds with a circus mind that's running wild. ~ Butterflies and zebras and moonbeams and fairytales. ~ All she ever thinks about is riding with the wind. ~ When I'm sad she comes to me. ~ With a thousand smiles she gives to me, free. ~ 'It's alright, it's alright' she says. 'Take anything you want from me. Anything.'
its okay boxy, rant rant rant.. it helps other people too... woo! and i totally agree with the last post how it woud be rad to read glbt books without hiding it. i wrote a poem about a lesbian and had to hide it in class cuz my class was homophobic. sucky. i'm not out, but i'm sure a lot of people know. like my mom. she knows everything. and i dont talk to my dad much, my mom tells him everything. i feel kinda lame for not being out, like i'm a loser with no balls. i was really depressed last year and part of it was because i was helllla confused about my sexuality. oy.
Posts: 7 | From: CA | Registered: Sep 2002
| IP: Logged |
Just a little advice from someone who has been a teen (in my 20's now) and lived to tell about it. I would wait wait wait until you are 18 and/or moved out of the house to tell your parents unless you are really convinced they will be cool with you about it. Parents can do so many things to make your lives hell when you are still living with them as you already know ! If you are 18 and out of the house YOU finally have control of your relationship with them instead of them controlling you. You can decide when to see them or if you even want to. They may need a cooling off period of a few days, weeks months, who knows even years before they remember how much they love you and want you in their lives even though they don't understands some parts of your life. Two or three years may seem like a long time to wait right now but it really isn't, the time will FLY BY, trust me on that one and before you know it you will be an adult, responsible for yourself and able to make your own decisions.
Coming out when you are still basically "owned" by your parents is a tricky business. When I was a teen in school, someone I knew was sent away to some awful Christian military reform camp because of smoking or something silly. However, you said your mother already gave you a signal she might be open to discussion- maybe she suspects something (mothers always do) and she's hoping you'll take advantage. On the other hand, perhaps she'll be shocked and horrified. There's no truly good way to find out how she'd feel about HER OWN child without taking a pretty big step.
As for the results, even if you wait until you're 18 (or 25 for me)... Well, you have to be ready for the best and the worst. If not, then you're not ready to come out to them. My mother will never accept or support the truth about me, and I know it. It's a terrible thing; but it would be true whether or not I had told her. On the other hand, the night I told her was one of the happiest of my life- not because of her reaction, but because of the weight that was lifted off of ME. It's a joy not to hide.
Ok, I have read the posts on this page and i thought I would try to spread a little hope and happiness with my story. My parents found out because of this website! I've been out to friends for a while, but i was really not sure how my parents would handle it, so I was dithering about telling them. Anyway, I found this website, and I started posting, etc. I didn't know at the time that my parents check out all the new websites i go on (grr) and they found all my posts. Instead of freaking out, like i thought they would, they talked to me, explained that they love me whatever happens and don't care who I love as long as i am happy. Things have been great ever since. Its really as simple as that. Basically, I just wanted to tell my story to say that not everything happens exactly the way you think it will, and your parents can sometimes be more than you give them credit for.
I'm not "out" (as bi) though a few of my close (gay and bi) friends know. I'm 18 and all throughout my teens I was just so immensely confused about everything to do with dating and sex and what I wanted and what I didn't, but as soon as I started considering that I might be bi it was just a huge relief; it just fits. Even though it IS a label, it's more like not being labelled. I can date guys or girls and that doesn't matter (well to me).
As for my parents, like I said, they don't know. I think my mom might wonder, if I'm a lesbian or what. We had a discussion (completely generic and non-personal) about bisexuality a while ago and while she's pretty accepting of homosexuality she basically said that people being bi is just a way for them to come out "half way" – that you're either gay or straight, nothing in between (so to speak.) I really wish I could come out completely but I'm worried about how people would react. I'll do it eventually, but maybe after I move out.
hey all, i just joied here and wanted to say my thoughts : i came out to my parents a while ago (bout 6months) and it was horrible. despite the fact that its totally OBVIOUS that im gay, they just edited out what didnt fit and created the perfect daughter in their minds. the reality was - hey- im not perfect. no one is. i think theyll never accept me for who i am or what i like (they hate me playing guitar as well, thats how goddamn petty they are) and they seem to label everything i do as "gay" behaviour. i feel really sad that these ppl are my parents and i have to live the rest of my life knowing that they are disappointed in me. cause thats the truth. but the thing is, my best friend is gay and my mother loves him to bits! he's her best friends son and he can do no wrong in her eyes. he's so camp and totally adorable!! lol but its just such a double standard. i actually had clinical depression with this but ive realised that its My life and ill do what i want, and love who i love. its just a shame that theyre too blind to see that love may come in any form.
------------------ "Without passion, we'd be truly dead."
One of the worst things ever is to have ur parents or anyone for that matter think its just a phase. Why do people always think your too young to know your sexuality... almost all of my friends and even ppl that arent my friends know im bi and im proud of it.. but my mom is so unaccepting of everything. I mean my uncle was gay.. but he also did a lot of drugs and died young from it and im thinking if i tell her that im bi shell associate that with why i drink and smoke.. even though i dont do it that much she thinks im a horrible kid.. i dunno i really hate that about her but shes my mom and my stepmom would totally understand.. i think im goin to tell her first even though it will be hard.. she always understand everything.. she understands me smoking on occassion and drinking... she even told me about when she used to do pot... my mom just was such a good girl i dont want her to know... even thouh id love to rain on her god damned parade.. no ones perfect i knwo that.. but these are also the ppl i have to have dinner with on holidays :-\
------------------ *It takes a courageous man to ask forgiveness, but it takes a loving man to forgive*~Me
well, it seems most of you are female, but i have a problem, i have tried 3 times to come out to my parents all of wich they ground me and refuse to believe what im saying. i have an aunt who is lesbian, and an uncle who is gay. im just lost
Posts: 3 | From: granger, In, USA | Registered: Apr 2003
| IP: Logged |
i know how ya feel most people think i am playing a prank when i try to tell them i am bi. i play around alot but when i am being real they don't get it. my family and friends really just can't believe that i even could be!
Posts: 12 | From: wisconsin | Registered: Mar 2003
| IP: Logged |
yeh it kinda sucks. i want to tell my mother, cuz i don't like keeping things from her; all my friends and my managers/coworkers know and i'd like her to know. i was planning on tellng her, which is why i told her i was vice prsident of our school's sexual Diversity organization, but when i told her she was like "that doesn't mean you'r egay, does it? i mean, not that it matters, i'd still love you anyway.." i was like well damn, if i ever was gonna say something, i'm not now since you asked like THAT.
Well, I'm 15 and I'm "out"... but not to my parents. I know they love me and all, but I just can't tell them! If I did, they would probably lock me in my room until I move out.... so maybe I'll just wait till then.
I guess, I thank god every day for the friends I have, that have stuck with me through it all- I decided I was bi a little more than a year and a half ago, and it was a little hard to tell anyone, at first, especially my best friend. But when I told her, she didnt freak out or anything.... and she's stuck with me through all the bad crap- The worst part about telling people is the fear of them ditching you.... the first person I told did that- went from being one of my closest friends to not talking to me at all. That kind of betrayel hurts almost worse than anything.... here I am, anting to scream at then that I'm just the same person as I was before!!!!! However, it's all okay now... or better, at least. I've told most of my close friends, and don't mind telling new people.
Do any of you have any advice as to the whole "bi-isn't-real" attitude? Like, either you're straight, or you're not? .... Well, apparently bi IS real, since I like both guys AND girls.... huh.
------------------ If you let them make you, they'll make you paper-mache: strong from a distance, and then the wind comes, and you're all but blown away. *Incubus*
Hey. I just pretty much registered cos i wanted to give u my story.and some advice tho i dont know how good i am at that :P ok here goes.
im in a SERIOUS relationship with a man, and i mean, we're gonna get married and stuff right, but it was only after i started going out with himt hat i started to consciously acknowlexge that i was attracted to girls, asnd that i would like to sleep with one, yada yada yada. and basically we had a 3sum with this girl we know. and i was hella nervous, like wtf?! something new and weird and i was drinking straight wild turkey to give myself dutch courage. anyway, i decided i liked it. :P and so my man, he's cool with it, and has even said he wants me to get a girlfriend at the same time cos he knows how much i lvoe girls. I see that as cheating however and will only do stuff as a couple. SO... it was weird when i thought about it. Like, in our society, ur conditioned to be straight kinda by default, right? and i had always kinda looked at girls and stuf, but hadnt really acknowledged it.
SO i wanted to tell my mum cos we're liek bes friends, always have been always will be and i tell her everything , like when i lost my virginity, my mum rang up and wanted all the juicy details lmao.
so i told her, and she was so coool about it, it was funny. it was like she was expecting it. she said to me that you can be attracted to both and not necessarily be bi bnut i told her that i pretty much thought i was. so yeah she knows. so does one of my yonger sisters who is 15 (im 19) altho my young young sister (10) i think is a bit young to know yet. my dad doesnt know. i dont think i want him to know becos i dont htink he would cope. hes very straight in all meanings of the word. but u know what? all my friends know, and this was one of the easiest things to do.. it just comes up in convos.. of course, me and my friends are the biggest nymphomaniacs on the planet, and we talk about sex all the time, and every lil detail, but still. they were so cool about it, and thru the support of my friends, ive become more open about it. i mean i ahve a badge on my handbag that says 'bi' and i wear rainbow everything. hehehe. ANYWAY. to those of u who are worried bout telling ur close friends, dont be. If they love u AS THEY SHOULD, then they will support you and will love you becos ur still the same person u were b4 u told them. if they freak out then they werent true friends, and u should never act in a way u dont want to other people, cos that wont be YOU which is all u should be. One word of warning bout my advice tho: i dont have religious friends becos i detest organised religion. it makes me claustrophobic. SO. if u really think ur religious friends will freak out, thats ur judgement on how they will handle it. if they are true friends tho, they should understand or at least support you. thats all for now i'll stop talking so much :P it was a bit of a ramble, i hope it made some sense :P
ps. BI IS REAL. i have had the 'not-real' attitude from both sides of the fence-both gay and straight, but we have a legitimate sexuality, how dare anyone tell u that u are fake or just acting for attention!!
------------------ If someone didnt have the courage to be an idiot every now and then, the world would be an incredibly boring place.
I think the best way to come out to someone is to talk to a friend who knows the person you want to tell pretty well (and knows that you're bi/gay) and get his/her oppinion on what the person you want to tell will do (i.e. flip out, be ok with it, etc.). Also, be somewhere you feel safe. Take him/her out to lunch (even if it's a parent) if you're not comfortable at home.
I lately came out to my best friend and I think the best way to do it is be somewhere you feel safe. There's a park right near where I live that no one we know (from school or parents) ever visits, so we won't be overheard by anyone who knows us (unlike at home), and there's this little private bench in one corner. We use this as basically an emotional dumping ground--anything and everything can be talked about.
Posts: 3 | From: Palo Alto, California, USA | Registered: Jun 2003
| IP: Logged |
I've got a bit of a dilema, and I thought this might be a nice place to work it out. So here I am.
I'm a 17 year old female, and a bi. I came out to my best friend, who also revealed that she was. That was thankfully easy. I told one of our close guy friends, and he was cool about it. He said he wasn't surprised. So that gave me a little more courage. My group of friends have a website, and there's a confession section where you post something you want to get out in the open. We usually use it to settle arguments and such, but I used it to come out to my group. So far I haven't gotten any feedback. I'm worried, because a few of my good friends are homophobic, but only towards females. I don't really understand that bit. So I'm waiting to see where things go from there.
The thing I'm worried about now is coming out to my mom. I've been wanting to for awhile, but her live-in boyfriend was a total homophobic redneck. Now that he's out of the picture, I want to tell her. Her best friend growing up (a guy) was gay, so I'm thinking she'll be able to accept it pretty well. On the other hand, she's been ignoring the clues I drop. I don't know if she's in denial or if she's just waiting for me to tell her of my own accord. Please, any advice you could give would really be appreciated.
You've been very courageous! It sounds like you have had some good reactions.
Your website sounds cool; I think that maybe your friends are just uncomfortable. This is something about you that they didn't know before, and they may need some time and some face-to-face talking with you to accept it and see that you're just the same as ever. You might want to bring it up with some of those friends when you have a quiet moment with them; some of them may not have seen your message, others may not think it's a big deal, but either way they may have a hard time bringing it up with you.
About your mom: it sounds like you have an idea that she'll be okay with that, and you seem like you really want to tell her. She may be really surprised and shocked--or like you say, she may have seen it all along.
I would say you just take a minute with her somewhere neutral, and just be absolutely honest with her, even if you feel like you're going to throw up the whole time. :] It'll feel so much better to get it off your chest, if you've been worrying about it, and she can decide what to do with it, how to react to it, herself with all the facts.
"If I could do just one near perfect thing I'd be happy, they'd write it on my grave or when they scattered my ashes; on second thoughts, I'd rather hang around and be there with my best friend, if he wants me..." - Belle and Sebastian
well my mom always said she wouldn't mind if i were lesbian or anything but i was always too scared to tell her. Someone outed me to her though because they called her and told her (long LONG story) but she doesn't mind, she just wishes i had told her sooner.
Posts: 20 | Registered: Feb 2003
| IP: Logged |
I think that I may be bisexual and I really don't think I could tell any of my family about it. I could possibly tell me dad. But then I'd have to go into this whole philisophical thing about why I feel that way and what makes me think that I could possibly as such (he isn't dissapproving, just a really deep thinker) and my mom grew up in a REALLY strict christian setting, and depsite what she says, I know she still holds many of those beliefs. My brother and sister have really become attached to our new place of living (we moved over the summer) and have adopted some accepted things around here... like it is okay to make fun of and bash gay and bisexual people. We live in a super small town where most of the population is southern baptist. I could tell my best friend (who is bisexual) but I'm afraid he will think that I haven't thought this through. And I don't think I have completely... but I'm pretty sure... I just don't know what to do.
Posts: 3 | From: United States | Registered: Jan 2004
| IP: Logged |
Hi Eris. You've come up with a lot of reasons on not to come out; is that because you're a bit nervous? Coming out tends to make people feel very vulnerable but it really doesn't have to be that bad.
However, you've made assumptions about how everyone close to you will react and that's a bit unfair to them. I bet that could be a really cool discussion with your dad. And your siblings may be a bit more tolerant if they realize queers really are everywhere -- including at the dinner table.
So think it over. If you're not ready to do this, don't. However, give them a little credit before you dismiss them as unaccepting.
I am in the same boat that you are in. I am 16/bi and all my friends know and most of them love me anyways. When i tried to tell my parents my mother just said no you are not and my dad walked out of the room. There is no good time to tell them...but i am sure that they would love you anyways they just would be unhappy about. I wish you all the luck in the world and i hope that your parents are more understanding then mine. love Rabbit
Posts: 28 | From: NY | Registered: Nov 2003
| IP: Logged |
I'm not making excuses for them.... This is how things are in my house. For example, my sister was downstairs with her friend cracking jokes about gays and how nasty it was. I asked them what was going on... and they didn't deny it. My sister already knows that I think being gay is certainly all right and that I hate jokes about them... instead she just went ahead and told me one... and my mom may accept that some people are gay... but she wouldn't accept me being bi or gay or anything but straight. She freaked out when she saw some of my writing (i write poetry) and she doesn't want me to write about anything negative.. So, I'm not being unfair i think... but maybe I'm wrong and my mom thinks that writing about the rain and being in a cemetary is totally wrong but liking boys and girls is all right...
[This message has been edited by eris18 (edited 01-13-2004).]
Copyright 1998, 2013 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998
Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.