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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Parents, Adults and Teens » i cant take them anymore

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Author Topic: i cant take them anymore
gothicbeautyqueen
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i cant stand it anymore with my family. i seriously cant take it. i think i wrote a post before about some of my problems with them but here is the whole story of it.
they never let me be myself. god until recently my mom told me if i got my own job that they would let me wear what i want and that i would be able to have more freedom and do more stuff cuz it showed my responsibility. so i did, i got a wonderful job that i love to death and it is full of all the clothes that i love to wear. well since then i have been on cloud nine. i am finally being able to express myself in my own way sorta. so know i have a lot of stuff to do. i mean im in my last year of highschool, im starting my stuff for college including taking a few classes on the computer, and also working a job. its a lot at times but i love it. also i have been making a lot friends lately especially ones that come to my work everyday cuz its in the mall so i want to be able to hang with them before i go in or hang out with girls from my work. but my parents are the type of parents that want me here 24 7.
my mom has her whole life depended on me. i mean she hasnt had a job in 16 years because she wants to be with me all the time and because she has panic attacks like i do so she is scared of having a job. my dad has 3 other kids but im the only one who is around because the others hate him so of course his life is revolved around me too.
i want to be able to go out with my friends or work or do stuff at school but i cant because everytime i do. i have to do with my mom yelling at me and calling me names saying im a selfish $itc$ (if you understand what that is) or telling me i ruined her life and stuff. i get yelled at by them for wanting to go to work 10 minutes early to get some food. i have to be glued to them all the time. if i come home from work tired and i want to lay down because i usually dont get out until late and i have to wake up early for school they yell at me and say i dont care about them. last saturday i took my mom out all day. i bought her stuff i tok her to lunch and dinner and everything and then the next day i wanted to stay for like 30 minutes after school and she yelled at me saying i never spend time with her. there was a time for about a month where i was with them all the time i mean seriously all the time and they still said i didnt spend time with them.
i cant take it anymore though. they have me so stressed out more then anything right now. i cant wait to move out and honestly i think im gonna crack before then i have a year and a half before i get to move out and i that seems like forever. i know a lot of ppl say they cant wait to get out but i seriously cant. you know how they say that some families love eachother but they are better ppl when they arent together. thats how it is with me and my parents. we would be a good family but not together in the same house. i want out so bad and i dont know what to do anymore. i cry everynight because they are doing something to me again. my mom use to be so physically abusive but she stopped but honestly i would take the physical part back if it meant getting ride of the rest of the emotional and verbal part. what do i do? how do i get out of here? i cant talk to my parents about it they wont listen to me i have already tried and all they do is say im a witch with a capital B. if i stay here much longer things are just gonna get worse.

Posts: 85 | From: living hell | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
PoetgirlNY
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That's a really tough situation. It sounds similar to how things were for me at home, and I know how hard that is. It sounds like you already know that your parents are emotionally abusive. Please remember that it's not your fault, that it's not okay for them to be treating you like this, and that it will end. You're not going to crack- you've been really strong to make it this far, and you can hang in there. When your parents are treating you like crap, there's no really good way to make things okay, unfortunately.

You said you've spoken to your parents about this before. Have you done so calmly and firmly? I would try telling them that it's absolutely not okay to call you names, put you down, yell at you for no reason, etc. Make it clear, and don't make it an attack. Just state it as how things need to change. If this works, great.

If this doesn't work and things keep getting worse I'd say it's time to think about getting out of your home. Here's the first hint- don't just run away. I know how desperate you may be to not be there anymore, but there are other ways out that won't put your safety in so much jeopardy.

Do you have any relatives you could stay with? Any friends whose parents would take you in? If your parents will let you go live with an aunt or something, that might be your best bet. If your parents refuse to let you leave, things get harder. What state or country are you in? Different places have different laws about emotional abuse. You might even be able to become an emancipated minor if you're making enough money at your job to support yourself. It all depends on where you live and how old you are. So, where do you live and how old are you?

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You were never no locomotive, Sunflower, you were a sunflower!
-Allen Ginsberg


Posts: 1101 | From: San Francisco | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
gothicbeautyqueen
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well im almost 17 and i live in arizona. i dont make that much money but i do have a few people, such as friends parents and friends who are older who would have no problem letting me move in as long as i would help out with some stuff around there. i have a job but its not the best money really so i know i wouldnt be able to say i could support myself to a judge or anything. i couldnt stay at family members homes because my family is just as messed up as my parents. like a preverted uncle who always talked about my chest and malesting me and another uncle who is on drugs and a few aunts who use to be prostitutes so yeah its not that wonderful of a family.

i have talked to my parents calmly and firm and i have even done it and yelling. i have tried all points on it and things do not seem to get any better no matter what i do about it.

i love my family dont get me wrong we just arent good together. i mean i want my family around when i have kids and get married but at the rate we are going by time im on my own im not gonna want them around at all.

now im worried cuz my dad might have cancer. i just found that out today. also he is so stressed at work and he is having head aches which he never has and he has heart problems in his family so its a little scary.

i just dont know what to do right now.


Posts: 85 | From: living hell | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
PoetgirlNY
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At this point I would suggest talking to them about going to stay with a friend. If you think there's a chance at things working out once you have a break, pose it as a short term arrangement and they'll be more likely to go for it. They're probably more likely to let you stay with a friend and their parents than to let you stay with an older friend. The first course of action should be the easiest one, and that is to leave with their permission.

The second option is to report the abuse. Emotional abuse is illegal in Arizona. As I understand it, the legal definition of it hinges on you having psychological impairment or a mental illness as a result of the abuse. I think you said in another post somewhere that you have panic attacks (forgive me if I'm confusing you with another poster) and that might be enough. Going the legal route is a real crap shoot. It's possible that everything will turn out okay, but it's also quite possible that things will turn out much worse. It's up to you to decide whether or not you think it's worth it.

[As an aside, someone having worked as a prostitute in the past (or in the present) doesn't make them a bad person. It's a job, people do it for all different reasons, and doesn't say anything about character.]

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You were never no locomotive, Sunflower, you were a sunflower!
-Allen Ginsberg


Posts: 1101 | From: San Francisco | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
applet_jacks
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*I think she said her mother was the panic attack haver.

I just don't see how the lack of communication and understanding that you and your folks have now will just disappear once you move out, let a little time pass and then have children.

Since you said things were so terrible as far as you being verbally and emotionally battered, you do need to find some sort of help. Being in an abusive environment can really harm you, but you know this. So I agree with PoetgirlNY, ask them to allow you to move in with someone they know and trust.

Then try with a mediator to start communicating better with your folks. It can be a family friend who would want the best for you all or counseling. Either way lack of communication is something that you can only overcome by communicating.

I hope that you can help find someone to help you work through this with them.


Posts: 47 | From: Oklahoma | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
gothicbeautyqueen
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you guys are both right on the panic attacks. me and my mom both have them along with almost everyone on my mom's side of the family. my mom has them really really bad and i use to have them really bad, or at least i have learned to be able to deal with them better. i started working a job and that got me around ppl more and so i know how to get past it when i have an attack. but anywayz....

i understand that it is illegal but even though i am angry and upset by a lot of the things my parents have done i do not want them to have to deal with that in there lives. two wrongs dont make a right to me and that there would just be me getting back at them. i want to stay at a friends house because i honestly dont really have anyone anymore. my best friend is missing and her mom moved back to kansas so i couldnt stay with her and the rest of my friends are all guys so yeah.

i wish there was something i can do but i really dont know anymore. i cant get my parents into the legal problems they may deserve it but i cant do that to them even if they did hurt me.

thanx for all the help though guys i really appreciate it once again. this is a great board.

also i dont mean anything bad towards women who are or were prostitutes. im sorry if it seemed like i meant it that way. its just that my aunts are very messed up in the head now because of things they were through during there time as a prostitute. so once again i am very sorry.


Posts: 85 | From: living hell | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Milke
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Child abuse refers to things that are physically harmful, like beatings and failing to provide a child with things necessary for life, like food, shelter, and medical care, and is an extremely serious crime. While emotional cruelty is unfortunate, and difficult to deal with, it's not something you can exactly seek legal help with, at least in a criminal sense, especially when you're so near the age of majority. To quote the infamous BruinDan, 'There is no law against being a jackass'.

You have less than a year to go until you can leave home and take care of yourself. Until then, unpleasant as it may be, your best option may be to just deal with what you've got, and prepare yourself for independent living.

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Milke, with an L, Mrs BD to you, RATS, TMNTP, MF, CWCD, WAOTA

This is the time to unite over the Revolution of the Pants


Posts: 5122 | From: I *came* from the land of ice and snow | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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