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Author Topic: too attached maybe?...
MayaBaby
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I have a beautiful wonderful 8 month old daughter. her name is Maya. i love her to pieces and she is my life. i do not regret keeping her one bit. i got pregnant with her when i was 15 and i am a single mom with no support from my family. i got pregnant with maya by a very violent rape by my ex bf. i spent a few weeks in the hospital recovering from my injuries. i was a virgin until tht time when she was conceived. i was afraid i wouldnt be able to love my baby after the situation that happened but ive found tht tht would be impossible and tht maya is the best thing tht the world could ever give me. the pregnancy was hard at times, but i had a great friend to help get me through the entire time of it.

this friend has now been my boyfriend for 6 months. he was there when i went into labor and hes been there through all my mood swings and cravings of pregnancy as well as all my panic attacks and every counselling session for my rape tht i needed a ride to. he helps me out with whatever i need. hes obviously spent time around me while i am with my daughter and he is very good with her and i know tht he loves tht little girl too. we have tlked bout whether i should allow him to stay a part of maya's life even if we break up someday. i mean we're doing great and everything, but we're tryin to be realistic. we're in highschool and we realize tht those type of relationships dont always last, although we'd like ours too. i would really like someone elses opinion on whether i should let him get this attached to my daughter because she's becoming attached to him too. idk if im just being over protective of maya cuz im young and i dont always know whts best for her, but im trying my best.

any advice or input would be wondeerful. thanks [Smile]

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JamsessionVT
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I see a lot of maturity and thoughtfulness coming from you, MayaBaby, and I commend you for that, since this is something that is NOT easy to deal with at your age. [Smile]

How do you feel about things, right now, at this point in time, regardless of the ifs in the future? I think that's your best indicator at this point.

Obviously, you're very protective of your daughter, and that's good. I think if this is someone that you're comfortable with, that you trust, and that has been good to you, that it's OK to allow things to progress naturally. What I would make sure of is that he is with you for YOU, not for Maya. He sounds as though he has been a wonderful friend, but the relationship you have needs to be built on the bonds between the two of you, not him and your child.

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Abbie
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MayaBaby
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i know tht he is with me for me, not just for maya. ive talked to him about this issue as well to make sure tht we werent together just for tht reason. ive known him for many years, since grade school, and he asked me out at the time i was dating my ex so i had to turn him down. i love him and i know tht he loves me too and i knw tht he also cares for maya too. before i was with my ex i had actually been involved some with my boyfriend then but we werent dating, it was more of just an extremely close friendship. im just worried tht if we stay together long enough tht maya can remember him, and then we break up, im worried not only how it will affect me but also maya. i dont want her getting attached to someone tht wont be around anymore. i know this might seem a little odd to worry about but i do anyways.
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JamsessionVT
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It's never easy to tell a child why someone is not in their life anymore, but then again, it happens all the time in divorces.

I don't think you're doing you or your daughter harm by allowing your boyfriend to spend time with the two of you. I think it'd be rather silly (for anyone, not just you) to avoid a perfectly good, supportive and loving relationship at a time when it may actually be very beneficial for you both.

It's a perfectly valid worry, don't get me wrong. You're protecting both you and your daughter from the hurt that comes with emotional attachment, should that attachment end. My feeling is that you shouldn't avoid this relationship with the fear that it will end. You've shown so much responsibility and maturity already, and I think you could handle a potential break-up in stride just as well. Too, remember that a break-up doesn't mean it's all done. Friendship is still possible, and it may make the transition for you daughter easier.

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Abbie
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Posts: 3987 | From: Greater Burlington Area, Vermont | Registered: Apr 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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