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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Pregnancy and Parenting » Drinking

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Author Topic: Drinking
tess23
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Member # 31083

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I was not to sure where to put this, but here is goes,when i first met my mother and father inlaw i noticed they drank a bit but now it seems to have gotten worse. we would go over and they would be having their beer and wine that was fine with me but now we have a baby and we went there one night and my mother inlaw was so very drunk you could tell by looking at her. and she wanted to hold that baby, i was not in the room at that moment, she kept asking to hold him so my husband gave him to her and she was just so drunk she could not walk that night and she was holding my new born baby. my father inlaw took him away after a min or two. i just don't want my child to be around that and the drinking has gotten much worse. when my father in law expects us he will not drink, he is good that way but when i heard she was holding him, i just could not believe it. when i came in the room my father inlaw had him. my husband wants to talk to them about this, but he has no idea how to go about it. since they drink everynight they don't want us to come out to see them or they won't come see us. i know that is a good thing in a way. i just want them to calm the drinking down. what should we do. since we have a new baby i don't want them around him when they do drink if we go out there to visit.
Posts: 6 | From: Alberta, Canada | Registered: Oct 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
KittenGoddess
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1679

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This is clearly an issue of safety for your child, so it's good that you and your husband are talking about this.

Your best bet would probably be for the two of you to sit down with the inlaws and talk about this together. Express to them that you understand that they drink, and that is fine...but you do not want them to be drinking around the baby. You are not comfortable with anyone drinking around your child. Perhaps you can propose that you will call early in the day when you plan on coming to visit and that you will try to make your visits early in the evening (so that if they still want to consume alcohol in the evening, they are free to do so after you leave). It would probably be good to acknowledge what your father-in-law is already doing (i.e. not drinking when he knows you are coming), but indicate that you are still not comfortable with the situation. And you may just have to put your foot down and say that if a safe environment cannot be provided, you will not be coming to visit with the baby. You might also want to propose that they seek some help for their drinking if they feel unable to deal with it. Clearly this will not only be a problem now, but potentially a problem in the future as well when the baby has grown up a bit and wants to stay with its grandparents overnight, etc. So approaching it now is good.

The bottom line here is that you and your husband have to come to an agreement about how to deal with this and be able to stick to it. The two of you need to approach the inlaws and be firm about what you need in order to feel comfortable with the baby there or simply not go. Further, your husband needs to be clear that just because his mom keeps pushing to hold the baby, if she's drunk, he has to stand up to her and say no...no matter how many times she asks, the answer must be no. That's really putting the child in danger, and it is his responsibility as a parent to help protect that little one. If the situation arises again and he is feeling pressured, perhaps it would be best to agree that if someone who is drunk asks more than once, it's time to pack up the baby and go home for the evening in order to avoid confrontation or danger.

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Sarah Liz

Posts: 7316 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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