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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Pregnancy and Parenting » Trying For A Baby

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Author Topic: Trying For A Baby
BlueEyedDreamer
Neophyte
Member # 25979

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Hello everyone. I'm not really a newcomer but I forgot my last username and password so I made a new one. Anyways me and my boyfriend decided to try to get me pregnant. I'm just hoping and praying that I'm pregnant right now although I've taken a test and it was negative but it has only been two weeks since we first began having unprotected sex but i was suppose to get my period last thursday but i havent gotten yet and usually I'm fairly regular (fyi we are both in a monogamus(sp?) relationship and have been tested so STDs are not a problem) I'm so excited about having a baby although my parents probably won't be too happy but I have saved up a 1000 dollars just to get started to get a crib and car seat and all of those necessities. My boyfriend has a good paying job and i have a parttime job plus we qualify for Healthy Start program so we'll get money every month for groceries and baby supplies. im also in college on scholarship studying to be a teacher and will graduate soon so we'll have more money coming in then.
Anyways does anyone know if planned parenthood can give me a thorough internal exam for a low price since i don't have health insurance? and i dont understand do they have a gyno on staff there that will take care of me during the pregnancy and deliver the baby?

[This message has been edited by BlueEyedDreamer (edited 10-31-2005).]


Posts: 8 | From: Ohio | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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First off all, expecting a pregnancy to happen in merely two weeks of trying is incredibly unrealistic, especially since it's entirely possible that those two weeks didn't even contain the days during which you were fertile.

Planned Parenthood deals with family planning. It does not cover childbirth (which costs the serious big bucks -- you want to save money, best to save for that than for a car seat). Some branches cover prenatal care, but not all. And if you've both recently had STI testing, I'd assume you'd know that a basic pelvic exam is part of that, and know where to get one as you're saying you already have.

Can I be plain?

I absolutely, positively support a woman's right to choose and to make whatever choices she fels are best per her reproduction. But I also am a pretty big advocate for children and their well-being.

Parenting can always wait when you're your age. It should never be a hurry and isn't a hurry. Why can't trying wait until you are DONE with your schooling, until you have a job placement and benefits (especially given how hard it is in this country to get a decent job teaching right now), until you are ACTUALLY ready, rather than walking into it unprepapred and planning to use government assistance that is intended for people who don't have the resources you do? Why not wait to start trying until you have your full screenings and your basic pelvic exam with an eye towards your body being okay for pregnancy BEFORE trying? Why not wait until you can talk to the people in your life about your plans and get their support? After all, like any new parents, you two are going to want all the help you can get, especially after a child is born. especially when you're sick as a dog during pregnancy -- which is common enough -- at times and going nuts trying to finish the toughest part of your schooling, which pregnancy may well jeapordize (then jeapordizing your chance of getting a good job)?

And when you get this good job, do you two have say, around a thousand bucks a month for daycare on top of all the other costs so you can actually go to work?

Point is, rushing is generally a very good indicator of a lack of realism about parenting, and a lack of realism with family planning tends to hurt kids.

In other words, who is the rush for? Are you lonely? Isolated? Feeling ungrounded? Unsatisfied with your life right now? Because it's sure not beneficial to a kid.

[This message has been edited by Miz Scarlet (edited 10-31-2005).]


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
BlueEyedDreamer
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Member # 25979

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No we just feel that we are ready for a child and have discussed it for a long time and looked into costs and even plan on taking some parenting classes offered by our local hospital.
I already know about all the costs of raising a child. i watched my cousin go through it plus i have half raised my own sister and have worked in day care and right now working at Babies R Us so i see how much it can cost. Plus my discount will be a big help.
I figured planned parenthood wouldn't cover prenantal care. I was just curious. And we are both covered by health insurance since we both have pretty good jobs. We are getting married in a year but if i become pregnant then we'll get married before so i can be covered by his better health insurance.
Also his parents and grandmother are willing to help us out a lot. His mother wants to be the one to watch the child while we are at work and wants to throw us a baby shower. his grandmother also wants to babysit and to help out with paying off the car.
and yes i know how hard it is to get a teaching job....im told about it every time i see my academic advisor.

im definetly taking your advice on going for a pelvic exam and full screenings before we try again. I want to be in perfect health so i dont jeopardize the pregnancy.


Posts: 8 | From: Ohio | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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You JUST said, in your first post, that you do not have health insurance.

What the heck?


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
BlueEyedDreamer
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Member # 25979

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I can easily apply for it at work....geez...


Posts: 8 | From: Ohio | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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... if you can easily get it through work, why would you even look to use resources -- limited ones, especially under the current administration --intended for women who don't have such options?

You'll excuse me for sounding incredulous, but as I mentioned in your other post, inconsistent information here tends to be problematic, and makes it awfully hard to communicate or make clear what's fact, what's fiction, and what's escalation for effect.

In addition, I've worked WIC lines in inner city Chicago (and grew up poor, with us often eating scraps from the cafeteria in the hospital where my mother worked): it's not pretty, and I can almost guarantee you none of the women in those lines had parents able to pay for their college. Many didn't even have the luxury of getting through or attentding high school. (And raising your kids on potted meat and tinned vegetables when you don't have to? Not so cool.) So, my back also gets up when I hear young women who have BOTH resources and a choice planning or looking to use those things which women who don't have either are in dire need of. Especially when, again, you are able to plan, in advance, for a pregnancy (many women getting assistance don't even get to choose when they have sex) in which you can independently support a child and pregnancy healthcare and are simply choosing not to.


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
BeauteAmericai
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Member # 21650

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I can relate with what you're going through. A few years ago I wanted a baby more than anything in this world. All I did was obsess over my fertility charts, chat with other women trying to conceive while lying about my age to make it acceptable, pick out baby names, and fantasize. I read books on pregnancy and parenting, even sought out stories from young mothers to get a feel for what it may be like and I felt that, beyond a shadow of a doubt, I was ready.

I passively tried since age 15 by not consistantly using protection or ones that aren't as effective like withdrawing. I didn't conceive with this sort of "wait and see" until I was 17 and I could never have predicted what would happen. I didn't want the pregnancy. The moment two lines appeared on that home test, I freaked right out. What I think happened was that my entire sense of being had been concentrated on trying to have a child and when it actually seemed I had reached my goal, it felt like nothing was left. It was the journey, the warm fantasy, not the reality. It hit hard over those next few weeks and I couldn't believe that if this was what I wanted so much why I wasn't anything but miserable. I had an ultrasound at 6.5 weeks for excessive spotting which indicated there was two fetuses and that left me feeling only vaguely special, exhausted by the intensity of what that meant.

I miscarried at 8 weeks and while I'm not telling you how you will or won't feel upon becoming pregnant if you should, all I'm suggesting here is that the reality of what will actually be set rolling upon conceiving is far different than the rose colored fantasies we can construct.

------------------
"I'm as pure as the driven slush" Tallulah Bankhead


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mommy4life15
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Member # 21345

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You may think you're ready but you may not be. I am a perfect example of teen parents. You may think your boyfriend has a good paying job but things happen. My boyfriend and I had everything planned when I found out I was pregnant. He had a great paying job and benefits and everything. Right when our daughter was born he was fired for calling into work twice so he could stay and help me in the hospital. Luckily I had insurance for my daughter already. Now I am out of school waiting to go to college in January and I feel like I might never get to go back to school. My boyfriend has been in 2 fair paying jobs because he cant pay his bills. We struggle, my grandparents buy us diapers. We spend about $100 a month on baby food and cereal and formula, and clothes because she is growing out of them. I have been lucky because my family bought my crib, walker, bouncer, playpen, car seat, stroller...and everything else. We are just now starting to get on our feet and its been a year and a month since i found out I was pregnant.

You say your getting married in a year? So whats the rush? You are always going to be with your baby and never will have a moment to yourself. I raised my brother just like you and your sister. It helps but it is no where near having your own.

Also once you have a baby, you wont have much time for your boyfriend/husband. You will be busy with the baby. I think you should spend a year or two with your boyfriend/husband, being a romantic couple, having fun, and living together. I think that would be a much wiser decision.

I'm not trying to tell you what to do, i want you to see all options, or you may have a stressful life. Good Luck on no matter what you do.

------------------
~*~Ashley~*~
Proud mommy to Rylee Nicole!


Posts: 51 | From: florida | Registered: Dec 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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(Thanks for sharing that so humbly, Ashley. I'm sorry things have been so difficult for you.)

Suffice it to say, users like Ashley (including Ashley, if I recall rightly) have often posted before everything that can happen sets in, sounding a lot more confident and less worried.

So, it's REALLY good form to listen to other teen parents around you or online, especially through their whole history. They have an awful lot of helpful, real experience to share.


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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