Okay. So I have this problem. I know you guys get influxes of girls asking you the same thing, and yeah, I fell victim to the "nope, it's never going to happen to me" excuse.
Two weeks ago, when I'm pretty sure I was at my most fertile, my boyfriend and I had sex. We used a condom, but there was occasional genital-to-genital contact without it (he never went in, but there was spooning, etc.) I know, I know, I should have used a condom for those too, but I didn't. I know my risk is relatively low (though not impossible) for becoming pregnant, but my tummy's being feeling a little...different. I don't know how to explain it exactly. Anyway, I was due for my period around this time and it hasn't come yet. I don't know for sure, but I'm leaning towards the fact that yes, I may be pregnant.
I know I need to see a doctor, etc. I want to see a doctor. I know my decision, even though it really hurts my heart. I want to get an abortion if I'm pregnant. I'm not at a period in my life where I'm ready or capable to have a baby (I'm only 17), and with college apps, senior year, and an influx of just youth, I can't picture my life with a baby. Not to mention that (and I swear, this is not a dramatization) I would be kicked out of my house should I get pregnant.
So yes. I know I want to have an abortion. I'm not sure how I'll pay for it because I don't have a job but I want to figure that out. My boyfriend has a job and I'm sure he can help. I know I know - if you can't deal with the consequences of sex, don't have it. But I'm seventeen and I'm making mistakes as I go along here.
So I know I can have an abortion without my parents knowing about it (I'm in California) and I plan on talking to my boyfriend about it soon - I'm just going to wait out one more day for my period. I just want to know about facilities near where I live - I'm on the Peninsula, in the Bay Area. I can't seem to find a comprehensive list online and I just...don't know where to go. I would really appreciate someone helping me out with that - the only Planned Parenthood I know of apparently only deals in birth control and not...well...not the aftermath of it failing.
I also just want to know what abortion entails at this stage, if in fact, as I fear, I am pregnant. Is it surgical? How will I feel? What kind of medications will I need? Cost?
I also just want someone to talk to, I guess. I know I sound pretty rational on here, but honestly, I've been up at nights crying about this. It's not an easy decision that I'm making here, but one I know I have to make.
So basically that's it. Where do I go, what's it like, can I talk to anyone?
I feel like I'm going to explode from the worry and I haven't talked to anyone I know yet. I'm afraid to. I don't want to be judged. So it's bubbling up inside of me and I feel close to tears all the time. I can't think about anything else.