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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Pregnancy and Parenting » Confused wife!

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Author Topic: Confused wife!
m23sugar
Neophyte
Member # 5721

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Ok here is my problem. I am 21 years old and married. I have been married for a year and I have been with my husband for 4 years. I thought that I was ready to get married but things arent what I expected them to be. I feel like we are both to young to be married. He will be 22 in February and I just turned 21 in August. We are at the point in our lives when we should be having fun, but I am hating it. I see all my friends going out and partying and I get jealous. So now I am beginning to go out at night why he is at work (he works 3rd shift). I dont cheat on him or anything I just hang out. We are living with his dad because we couldnt afford an apartment anymore and he is makiing great money at his new job, but he goes and blows it all (over 500.00 a week). I work full time and I make decent money, but I have a car payment and insurance and bills of my own. I dont mind helping out financially because that is something that comes with marriage, but I refuse to pay everything myself. The other day I told him that I thought things are falling apart between us and that I didnt know if we could stay together. He got really upset and started talking about us having a baby. I have wanted a baby for a long time, but I know we are in no position whatsoever to do that. He has been wanting to have unprotected sex and get me pregnant. I dont know if he is doing this because he's scared of losing me or if he really wants a child. Either way we are not ready for that responsibility. I am so confused right now about everything and I just need some advice. I am sorry for posting such a long message. Thanks for taking the time to read this. Oh yeah, we dont have any children yet.
Posts: 8 | From: Columbus, Indiana | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Lin
Activist
Member # 2050

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Well hon, if you really want this marriage to work, you and your husband are going to have a real good and serious talk about compromising.

We can't all have our way in a relationship nor can we always be the ones giving in so that's where compromising comes into play.

It seems you have several issues to work out so find a day, sit your husband down and have a really really good talk with him.

About going out and having fun, could you not try and find a day a week or one day a fortnight and meet your friends and just really let your hair down and have good clean fun? It might not sound like alot but it sure beats staying at home all the time and moping. Spend that one day indulging yourself, dolling yourself up and having fun.

About the money, I think the both of you should really start a savings plan. Maybe put aside 50-100 dollars a week in a fixed deposit account so while it might not be a huge amount of money, it is still money for emergencies or a rainy day.

Your husband will also really need to come clean with you on why he wants a baby. Having a baby is a huge responsibility which involves not only alot of attention but your finances must really be in order and should not be done simply 'because'.

The decision to have a baby is also very much yours and if you are not ready, you have to make that really clear to him and tell him maybe when your finances are more in order and when things are more stable, you can talk about it again.

I hope this helps a little. If talking doesn't help, you might want to just take some time off and maybe take a short break so the both of you can really think things through before talking again.

Good luck hon and let us know how everything goes. *hugs*


Posts: 2294 | From: Singapore | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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