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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Bodies » Just Need to talk

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Author Topic: Just Need to talk
schroeder
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I've been feeling like a bystander in my own life recently. I've had problems with depression in the past and I feel like I just came out of a long period where I was just kind of running on auto-pilot which probably doesn't make any sense. I feel like I've been waiting for things to get better rather than taking action to make them better, and in general just not taking very good care of myself. I know all of that sounds really vague but I'm having trouble articulating very general feelings of being unwell.
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Heather
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I'm sorry to hear that you've been feeling like this.

Can you maybe start by talking about why you feel you haven't taken any action to try and turn things around, but instead have been passive? It sounds like depression might be part of the reason, as depression itself can make it very challenging to feel motivated.

You say you have struggled with depression in the past: do you yourself feel you are again now?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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schroeder
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Well I was diagnosed with minor depression, and I have also had major depressive episodes. Tbe weird thing is that I didn't realize that I was having a problem until really recently because I didn't really feel sad just really unmotivated, and not really making time to do housework and things that I enjoy. I went through a period recently where I felt like I was making some progress on taking care of myself and then I just sort got burned out and now I'm feeling like there might be something wrong but I feel motivated to try to make improvements again today. I feel like I've been daydreaming a lot about the future instead focusing on the day to day and that's making me passive but I don't know if that's the specific problem or if it's a coping mechanism for something else.
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Heather
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What you're describing here is really typical when you have depression. If you ever want a really great read about depression, I'd highly recommend "The Noonday demon" by Andrew Solomon: http://www.noondaydemon.com/

When you've been diagnosed in the past, did you try any treatment at all: medications, nutritional changes, talk therapy, etc? If so, how did any or all of those work for you?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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schroeder
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I went through counseling and I was on medication for a while and I don't really like either of them. I mostly just try to manage on my own.
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Karybu
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With the counselling, were you seeing a counsellor you felt really comfortable with, someone you felt you "clicked" with? Therapy can be incredibly helpful, but not if the counsellor isn't someone you feel comfortable with and someone who seems to mesh well with your personality. Sometimes it can take a few tries to find someone who works well with you personally.

If therapy isn't something you're interested in, period, that's fine, but if you've only ever seen one counsellor it may be worth trying with someone else.

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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schroeder
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I hate to seem negative but I've seen several therapists and I just don't like it.
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Heather
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All using the same kinds of therapies? If not, then okay, maybe you know counseling isn't what works for you (assuming it didn't work: not liking therapy, of course, doesn't always mean it isn't helpful. Often times therapy is uncomfortable.).

With the medication: only one? Did you work with a qualified doctor to explore finding what worked for you, or just tried the one and ditched it when it didn't?

When you say manage on your own, want to tell e what you mean by that? In other words, what are your tools and practices you engage in to help yourself?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Karybu
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No problem. [Smile] Just thought I'd throw that out there in case it was something you hadn't thought about.

When you say you went through a period recently where you were doing better at taking care of yourself, what did that involve? Have you tried any of those things again?

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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schroeder
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I've tried different kinds of therapies, and I don't think they were really all that helpful. I've been on a couple different kinds of medications and they worked but I don't like to take the medications. I don't really have tools and practices which I engage in to help myself except for just trying to get through my day. I know it sounds like I don't want to feel better but "getting help" makes me feel like some kind of freak.
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schroeder
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Sorry I missed the last reply, when I was trying to take better care of myself it involved trying to eat better (because I had been eating a lot of junk food) and trying to get more excercise because that helps me feel better about myself. I also have an interest in minimalism because I find it hard to keep order when I'm not feeling well so I was donating a lot of things that I didn't need and generally trying to simplify my routine.
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schroeder
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I have been trying to do some of those things, but I still feel like I'm in some sort of rut. It doesn't help that I feel like I can't really talk to my partner about this because he really wants to help but I tell him that I don't know how he can. Then he gets really angry with me and tells me that I want to feel this way and that I'm just a drama queen.
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eryn_smiles
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What particularly about getting help makes you "feel like some kind of freak"? How do you feel about *not* getting help, on the other hand? Does it feel any better?

As well, what didn't you like about taking medications (considering that they seemed to work for you)?

What you mention around healthy eating habits, regular exercise and planning/simplifying a daily routine all sound like good ideas to help improve how you're feeling at the moment.

Did your doctor or therapist ever point you towards any written or online resources to give your partner re: how to help a loved one with depression? Sometimes it can be so hard to explain this to someone who is close to us, but giving them written information to read is a good start. Those feelings you mention are common ones for someone supporting a loved one with depression to express, especially when they don't realise how hurtful it can be to hear those things. It doesn't mean they don't care about us though, it is often out of frustration and feeling helpless to ease our suffering. Do you have supportive people you can talk to in addition to your partner?

Seeing that you're using Scarleteen online, have you tried any validated online therapy approaches? Some people find online cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), for example, to be very effective for depression.

[ 02-01-2012, 05:48 AM: Message edited by: eryn_smiles ]

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"Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation and that is an act of political warfare."

Audre Lorde

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