Im getting to the stage in my life where im looking at all of the daft relationships that ive had, I could kick myself.... I just took a massive step back and realised it wasnt doing anything for me, my head was in the clouds and I was looking for happiness through boys ive even read the posts ive been writing on here, "oh dear". I was so so stupid and im just starting to pick up the pieces now for it. Im just starting to think about myself and what I need, I know its going to be a long process, and i dont even feel the need to have sex. I am currently suffering with depression and anxiety but thats probabley because im realising everything that ive done wrong. Im really hoping I can pull myself through this one and make friends with females instead of hiding behind endless boyfriends in which ive done for the past 3 year...but first its learning to actually feel comfortable in publc places because everywhere I have an anxiety attack - I avoid. I lost my job due to anxiety aswell but that was because of my anxiety but the buisness wasnt very good and i was working 9-9pm shifts. I figured I needed some breathing space. Life seems so so scary to me right now and im just starting to realise who I am. I cant make the positive steps yet though because im finding it difficult to even leave the house. But thankfully I have counselling. :,( So upset at what ive actually put myself through and put up with. I cant wait to be me again. My anxiety is very big at the moment but I know theres a life out there for me somewhere. why on earth has it took me so long. Massive lesson! my sti test was all clear aswell. I feel like ive lost my life but ive been hiding behind boyfriends because of my anxiety going back to theres instead of going out, I know that I need to overcome this and spend time with my family first and then branch out to friends. Ive come to realise that a relationship is not for me. I need to overcome my anxiety and be healthy. Cant believe ive been so stupid!
Posts: 119 | From: Scotland | Registered: Sep 2010
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I've been dealing with depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember, and one thing I definitely know is that these things cloud my vision. When I'm at my worst, or my most ill, everything I do seems reasonable to me. It's like the anxiety blinds me to a certain extent.
Fortunately, anxiety can be overcome. There are a lot of therapeutic approaches that can help.
Posts: 129 | From: Boston | Registered: Mar 2011
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Apologies for raising a thread that's a month old! =)
You know, I believe everyone does the best they can with the tools they have at their disposal at the time. Illness can obscure the view, but I believe people do their best given their circumstances and their current view on life, the world, and everything. If you think you've made some less than optimal choices in your life, that was because you were learning. We are all learning, all our lives.
You can feel proud of the fact that you have been learning, and are continuing to learn and grow, and you have come all this way, have survived and will only get better with time, love (of yourself first, then of others) and valuing both little and great personal achievements, because they are all extremely unique and valuable, and undoubtedly yours!
All the best with you on your journey (to all, and one)!
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