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Author Topic: Weight Worries
Mint_Imperials_88
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Member # 38292

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hey
right so basically i have weight worries
im 17 years old, and just started at a gym
but the problem started when i was young, and ppl used to comment on the size of my bum.
that was when i started to feel insecure about myself.
im nearly 9 stone and i hate it, i feel fat, horrible, and just ugly
i got stretch marks all up my thighs, and some devolping on my hips.
i wont even have sex with my partner unless it was under the covers or in the dark.
please help, i want some help as to how to make myself feel abit more confident :/

xx

Posts: 28 | From: England | Registered: May 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Unless you are very short and small-boned, 9 stone isn't going to be overweight by any standards. Stretch marks are also common in all people, and tend to show up during times in our lives we're doing a lot of growing, like in the teens.

Why don't you start with a couple pieces here at the site, then we can talk more about this, okay? Mind, the first was written for someone larger than you are, but still:
• http://www.scarleteen.com/article/body/how_can_i_trust_that_someone_else_will_like_my_body_when_i_hate_it_so_much
• http://www.scarleteen.com/blog/heather_corinna/2009/12/20/from_us_to_you_some_volunteer_aunties_talk_body_image
• http://www.scarleteen.com/article/advice/im_too_ugly_and_fat_for_him_and_i_cant_take_it_anymore

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68215 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Mint_Imperials_88
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well im 5 ft somethink, think 5 ft 6, not sure, and the first link kinda sounds like wat im going thru, yh im not that weight and stuff, but i kno how she feels, im petrified of showing my other half my legs . i have been with her for 3 years now, and she always gets mad whenever i say to her i dnt want to get changed infront of you.
it upsets me so much. and i want this insecurity to stop. i really really want to.
i have tried many things, one of them being me standing infront of a mirror and list 5 things i like and 5 things i dnt like, and i culdnt even lest 2 things i like.
please, is there anything i can do, anything i cant try, just to make me feel a bit more happier.

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Heather
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Did you read all of those links?

If at your height and weight -- which is more than healthy, and may even be underweight, depending on your bone structure -- you feel THIS miserable, that suggests that what you probably need more than the gyn is some counseling around your body image so that you can get to a positive place.

What you're saying here sounds so out-of-touch with how your body actually is that that suggests an image of your body that simply isn't in alignment with reality. A good counselor can help you work through that.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Mint_Imperials_88
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hmm i guess
it just doesnt really help when i see all these stick thin models or celbraties with gorgeously toned arms and stomachs and legs everywhere
:/
but thank you [Smile] x

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Heather
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Well, there are actually more people of average size everywhere we look if we're really looking.

So, one thing I can suggest is to do what you can to take control of that. For instance, do you read fashion magazines? If so, stop. When you're on the bus, do you look around at everyone on it? If not, start doing that: start looking just as much at normal people as you look at models.

Heck, you might even want to remember that those models often look that way because of photoediting. In person, some of them will look that way, but most won't. They'll have body shape variations and imperfections just liek you and me.

Seeing women who look "perfect" in mags and on TV doesn't have to be a barrier to good body image: after all, lots of us who have positive body image and look like normal people see the same stuff. The difference just tends to be a) how much stock we put in it, b) how much we immerse ourselves in it (or don't, rather), and c) how we think about those images when we see them.

Models and celebrities also get paid very well to make their appearance a full-time job, which also often includes having healthcare for when the things they do to themselves to look that way make them sick, as they will tend to often.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Kalex
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Hey,

I'm sorry to hear you have these weight worries. I just wanted to chip in that I have stretch marks too, and from what I understand a lot more girls get them than you might think. I'm 5'7 and 108 pounds, which is on the skinny side, but I still have them on my breasts and hips. They do become less noticable with time (I know that's not terribly reassurring), but it's gotten to the point where I hardly notice them anymore.

I think Heather has made some great suggestions, and talking to a counsellor sounds to me like something worth considering.

Since you mentioned celebs and people in magazines, I wanted to mention something. I lived in China for a while, and when I was about thirteen I did a little modeling for clothes catalogues. They love foreigners because of our white skin, so I didn't have to be a super good model to get a job. The amount of makeup and junk they put on you is a bit scary. Mascara, eyeshadow, blush, concealer, TWO kinds of foundation on my face, AND lipstick and liner. I'm very pale, and they wanted to make sure my legs looked perfect, so you know what? They smeared foundation all over my legs, too, so the veins wouldn't show through. Then they sprayed hairspray all over my hair until it was stiff, and changed my hairstyle every few shots. And I was nearly blind while shooting because they wouldn't let me wear my glasses.

It was a pretty weird experience. Some parts were fun, but this constant primping and fussing over everything from my dark circles to the shape of my lips was terrifying. I was just a kid, but suddenly I wasn't good enough. It actually put me completely off makeup for a few years. It's strange to remember the Chinese obsession with pale skin, then to come back here (where people's skin is naturally like that) to see all the self-tanning and bronzing junk.

And all this altering of reality with makeup doesn't include Photoshop, as Heather mentioned. I watched a short video about beauty in class the other day. It was made by Dove and I thought it was really well done. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uiYCWdzm404
I thought she was prettier before all the touch ups.

Take care.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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What great additions to the conversation, Kalex. Thanks!

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68215 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Kalex
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Member # 43486

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Thanks Heather. I wasn't sure if all that would be helpful or not, but it felt good to get it out there anyway.
Posts: 52 | From: Canada | Registered: Jul 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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