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Author Topic: me being anxious about life and hoping someone has some feedback
astrocyte
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The short version: Does anybody else look forward to events like going away on holiday, and then cease to do so as they get closer? Also, does anyone else not the holiday period very relaxing? I’m feeling like my planned trip away is going to be a waste of time because the weather is so unsettled (part of it is on a boat)/ it’s weird to have a forced chunk of time in which YOU MUST HAVE FUN! Even though I am the one who made this plan to go on holiday, I now feel like it's hardly worth the effort of packing. Also, I have wasted so much time feeling oike crap and lying around and sleeping this week and maybe I don't really need MORE relaxation. Every summer I feel sad and stressed at least part of the time. Usually it is about not knowing what to study and what to do with my life. I'm starting to feel that again now, even though I have decided on a degree that I am going to finish.

THe long version: This summer I have had the most enjoyable Christmas since I was little and still thought Father Christmas was real, and the most fun New Year's celebration I've ever had. I now have a large period of leave from my summer job. (It actually starts in two days' time, but due to the disorganisation of the man I work for, I do not have any shifts this week. I am not complaining about this because a) I feel dreadful and b) I am leaving the job for good in a few months.) I have just moved into a new flat, but am house-sitting my parents’ house with some friends at the moment. I’m a bit worried about money, but today is pay-day so my finances should work themselves out.

My problem is that from last Sunday, I have been feeling really sad/tired/flat/having small headaches all the time. Mon was my much-awaited day off after 6 days of work, I dragged my arse out of bed to go and watch a movie with my boyfriend and cousin. When we got back I prettymuch did nothing for the rest of the day. I often experience cumulative lethargy, so that the more I lie around, the harder it is to do something. I tried to go out for a run for about an hour, but at first couldn’t convince myself, then felt like I couldn’t make myself leave the house; I started to feel anxious/stressed. I sat on the floor in my Mum’s study and tried to cry or stand up. After 15 min I got up and got my boyfriend to go for a walk with me. I felt completely miserable.

I am meant to going on a 2-week long trip this Saturday, starting with spending 3 nights with my parents on a boat and then staying with some friends and family in another city. I have been looking forward to this trip until about two weeks ago, when I started to feel worried that I wouldn’t have a good time. I have tonnes of boring, small tasks to take care of, and maybe I should delay my holiday long enough to skip the time with my parents. This would also mean I don’t have to feel dependent on them or cry on them if I feel miserable or hang out on a boat pulling ropes, which I used to enjoy but currently am not in the mood for. I feel as though it is dumb to take all my relaxation in one big forced block, while staying at other people’s houses where I might not be able to get enough of my own space. After working all week and then hanging with my boyfriend and cousin quite a lot, I feel kind of people-exhausted already.

I'm not sure what I am looking for here. I know nobody can tell me what I should do. If anyone who reads this feels similiarly at holiday times then maybe they can tell me how they deal with it. I feel like such a problem. Thanks for reading.

Posts: 79 | From: the southern hemisphere | Registered: May 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
nixieGurl
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Hey there rosegeranium,

I'm thinking that this might be a good time for you to think about things as one day at a time. I know that seems very redundant, but it actually might help you to just enjoy the little things in your day without feeling like there is a huge expectation for you to have to have fun this summer, after all sometimes the best things happen when we don't expect anything to happen at all, right?

Maybe some alone time is what you need right now? Get out for walks, enjoy your time off, read, whatever makes you happy, little things. I know that (especially in New Zealand) the year drags on so long because all of the holidays and our summer come at the end of the year, we all try to make the most of them and I often feel very much like you do now, as though I should be enjoying this time of year a lot more than I do, before we sink back into the long winter once again.

Have you ever seen this site before: www.thelowdown.co.nz ? They have some good resources for dealing with low times like you are now, and it is a kiwi site which is helpful, might help to check them out too. [Smile]

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astrocyte
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Thanks nixieGurl. Yeah, I have seen that website. I guess I do actually know what things are a good idea to do when I feel like this anyway, I just find it hard to actually do them and also to not beat myself up heaps when I DON"T do them. I'm feeling a bit better, because I have decided when I'm leaving town and booked my flights. I am still feeling hugely anxious about small things, like going into work to pick up some stuff and whether or not to go to a sporting event tonight.

I keep wanting to be alone, but when I am I often end up just wasting a lot of time and feeling worse. I definitely want to go for some walks though! I also want to make sure I see a few friends before I go away.

Our summer is definitely a bit packed! I sometimes wish we celebrated Christmas in July. I hope your summer is going well.

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astrocyte
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Ugh, I just clicked "add reply" and it vanished my reply I think. Thanks for your reply. I have seen the website, I guess I know what things are a good idea to do but have problems actually doing them. Also, I don't think I should feel as bad as I do about NOT doing them.

I am feeling a bit better because I have made some decisions. I am still feeling really anxious about some small things, like going into work to pick up some stuff and whether or not I am going to watch some soccer tonight.

I often feel like being aloine at the moment but sometimes when I am I waste time and feel worse. I definitely want to have some walks and also see a few friend before I go away.

Our summer does tend to be pretty full. I wish our year started in Winter or maybe in September. And that Christmas was in July. I hope you are getting to enjoy some sun.
Cheers [Smile]

Posts: 79 | From: the southern hemisphere | Registered: May 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
astrocyte
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[ 01-08-2010, 09:00 PM: Message edited by: rosegeranium ]

Posts: 79 | From: the southern hemisphere | Registered: May 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
astrocyte
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[ 01-09-2010, 03:36 AM: Message edited by: rosegeranium ]

Posts: 79 | From: the southern hemisphere | Registered: May 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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