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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Bodies » Can't Sleep - Insomnia?

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Author Topic: Can't Sleep - Insomnia?
Alatariel
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I'm currently in an open relationship with an absolutely amazing guy. Most nights of the week, he stays with me, but sometimes he goes out and doesn't come over. I'm fine with sharing him with other girls (we're safe, he gets tested, and he doesn't sleep with total strangers) but I have one major problem.
When he's not sleeping with me (in the "laying next to each other, asleep" sense) I can't sleep. I lie in bed for hours, awake. I've tried warm milk, soothing music, relaxing teas, staying up later than usual, getting up and reading/watching tv/just sitting, wearing myself out during the day, I even bought some natural herbal sleep aid (Valerian Root). No matter what I do, on nights when he's not here I get about 2 hours of sleep, max.
He doesn't want monogamy, and I'm not going to ask him for something that he doesn't want to give, especially when I don't actually mind the "having sex with other girls" part. I just want to sleep. If anybody could give me some suggestions, that would be great. Thanks.

[ 02-27-2009, 09:59 PM: Message edited by: Alatariel ]

Posts: 128 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Feb 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
orca
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Hi Alatariel. What was your sleep like before you started dating him? How long have you been having this insomnia? Do you remember anything significant about that time when you began having insomnia?

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Alatariel
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I've had some issues with insomnia before, way back in fifth grade, and when I'm particularly anxious about things like new schools or major tests the next day. The not being able to sleep when he's not here started in about November, about 2 months after we started seeing each other. As for anything significant around this time... He stopped having a cell phone, so he couldn't text me about whether or not he was coming over, but he has a cell again now, so I don't think that's the problem.
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orca
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What about health issues? Did you have any health problems that cropped up around that same time? Also, when this insomnia started, was it a part of a pattern you made? That is, did you start staying up for him to see if he'd come over and throw your sleep schedule out of whack?

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Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.--Monty Python and the Holy Grail

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Alatariel
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I've actually been having some health problems, since last January. I'm seeing a doctor and am having all sorts of tests run, with no ideas as to the cause as of yet. The insomnia started long after the health problems, however, and without any changes in sleep schedule (save the changes caused by the insomnia). It only happens on nights when he's not here.
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Alatariel
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Does anybody have any suggestions on getting to sleep? I still haven't gotten any of those...
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perfectviolet
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have you tried sleeping with an eye mask on, one that you can fill with water? or a gel one?

[ 03-10-2009, 03:32 PM: Message edited by: perfectviolet ]

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Alatariel
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I have not. That will help me fall asleep?
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hunnybunny888
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hey! I have a lot of problems with insomnia as well. Two suggestions:

1) try some yoga or other breathing exercises right before bed

2) pick up some melatonin from your local drug store. 3mg should help you get to sleep

It might just be a comfort thing having someone else in the bed with you that might make you be more relaxed on those nights...

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Alatariel
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Thanks so much for the tips! It's definitely having someone with me that helps me fall asleep.
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