I have been going on this weird streak . . . I'm 19 yrs old, no sense of direction . . . up until I was left thinking in my room and came up with a new hobbie . . . Lately, I've been going out, hanging out, with many guys . . . Sometimes it gets hectic cus' I end up seeing like 4 guys in one day . . . Well, the thing that has had me concerned is that I go around giving blue balls to all the guys! I basically jump on them, make them think I'm ready for anything but in the end when they're taking their clothes off, I make up a stupid excuse and leave them all turned on. Everytime I do this, I get a kick out of it up until I sit and think to realize that it is wrong for me to be doing that. But I enjoy at the moment . . . Then I realize its wrong . . . So this dilemna has been going inside of my head for a while now . . . The last time I did this to a guy, was yesterday . . . This time it got to me cus' he made a remark like "why did you do that, I could get sick by getting blue balls you know!"
Nobody gets sick from blue balls but I think it's also unfair of you to be playing this power game with boys. I won't presume to know what drives you to mess with their heads (no pun intended) but you really need to find a new hobby. Fun at other people's expense is fun at other people's expense, no matter what form it takes.
Posts: 65 | From: Caribbean | Registered: Sep 2004
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I agree. Doing that is mean. You know exactly what you're doing and yet continue to do it. Also, it must be nice to have like 4 guys a day who want to have sex with you. Don't use that against them.
------------------ *The only need for a baseball bat besides hitting homeruns is for shattering the knee caps of every cheater in the world.
Posts: 123 | From: Wisconsin, United States | Registered: Aug 2002
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I can understand why you get a kick out of it. I'd probably get a kick out of doing that too. It sounds fun, but ultimately, its not very nice. I think the fact that you feel bad afterwards answers your question of whether it is wrong or not. Restrain yourself from getting the guys so close they end up taking their clothes off etc. Save this for a boyfriend. However, if you do enjoy hooking up with all these guys, try to limit yourself by not going so far or perhaps give them something else instead of sex so at least they gain something from the experience instead of being left feeling like they were played.
I dunno if I should be suggesting all this, but yes, it doesn't sound very nice to these guys who are getting the wrong idea. Maybe find something else as a hobby .
Beyond being knowingly cruel and manipulative, you're also really endangering yourself.
It would not be at all unusual at some point for somone you have done this to to get aggreesive in return and attack you phyiscally or sexually, kid. If this gets you beaten or raped, I assure you it won't be so funny anymore.
Moreover, let's put the shoe on the other-gendered foot: let's say a given guy makes a "hobby" out of randomly grabbing every women's breasts who passes him by. Know what that is? It's sexual harassment. Essentially, so is what you're doing, save that you're at a much greater risk by doing so.
This isn't a hobby. Nor is it consensual sex where you're making clear what your limits are in advance, and (validly) expecting partner to respect them: in fact, you are making a point to misrepresent your limits, keep them vague AND make a point of trying to get to a point where a given person wants more than you know, from the outset, you are willing not willing to go. It's a mean-spirited, emotionally manipulative and dangerous powerplay, and I suggest you knock it off, ASAP, and not only fnd something productve to do with your time, but work on gettng some real self-respect while you're at it AND some respect for others.
And kylie, I'm sorry to single you out, but the advice you just gave was truly horrid. No token gift or thing give is going to be compensation for being intentionally manipulated and toyed with because somone else is feeling bored and insecure, and advising a user to continue with this is any way is advising her to put herself in harm's way and treat other people like toys.
[This message has been edited by Miz Scarlet (edited 11-14-2004).]
I have a few questions you may consider food for thought to add to these other posts;
How would you respond if the victim refused your advances?
Why did the idea that your actions might physically harm your victims make you think more about this and not the ethics of your behavior?
Miz Scarlet has a valid point about harm, if you choose your victims poorly you may have very real risk to yourself, is the thrill worth that risk?
If that did happen (God forbid), how defendable will your be in court, especially considering that in most courts the woman victim of a violent sexual crime rarly gets a fair trial? Consider the alleged victim in the Koby B. trial for example. While laws are written to preclude admission of certain past behaviors from being admitted in court in cases of sexual assault, if I recall correctly in this case the young woman’s past behavior did get admitted. And I doubt she had a fair trial as a result of that at least in part.
Do not misunderstand me, NO ONE under any circumstances deserves to be sexually assaulted, and NO means just that, no matter when it is said. At the same time, no one deserves to be treated the way you are treating these boys either
Consider that there may be healthier ways to meet you needs than these risky activities.
If it is hard to avoid doing this with your dates, perhaps laying off dating for a while and talking about these needs to a counselor would be time well spent. Posts: 380 | From: Up North, Wisconsin | Registered: Sep 2004
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An another thing is, a lot of guys like to use blue balls to prompt you to continue. They roll up into a little ball and go "waah! GIVE ME AN ORGASM NOW! I have blue balls!" while they could simply go and whack it for a bob. You are putting yourself in danger from that aswell. Above all, you are a one cruel lady. In grade 9, someone I liked asked me out (weehay!) and when I said yes he said "just kidding". I promised myself that I would never do that to anyone, and that dude was a jerk anyway.
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