posted
Hey everyone this is a very sensitve subject for me so please don't judge me. I'm 5'5" and 105 pounds. I don't starve myself but I know if I were to gain weight I would. When I feel fat I hide my stomach and if anyone touches me I want to cry. My friends tease me and call me fat and that makes me feel aweful. When I get mad at my mom I punish her by not eating. When I get love sick I can't eat for weeks and I get so weak I can barely stand and so sad I can hardly breath. Is this normal? Also I'm so afraid of getting fat. I'm afraid that people won't notice me if I'm average weight. If I weren't skinny what would I have going for me? I've been really depressed lately and all I want to do is cry. Life sucks.
Posts: 6 | Registered: Jul 2001
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posted
Well, it certainly sounds like you have some body image issues and eating patterns that are associated with anorexia, but I don't think I can diagnose you over the net. What is clear to me is that you are having some problems that need to be addressed, and I'd suggest that you do two things.
Firstly, go to a doctor or dietician, and ask her for a sensible eating pattern for someone of your body frame, and stick to this pattern.
Secondly, find a counsellor. Since it's summer, I'd recommend finding a youth centre, which often offer counselling, or talking to your parents, saying that you think you have a problem that needs professional help. There's no shame in that and it could be a big help to you.
There is nothing wrong with being any of a range of body sizes. Here at Scarleteen we have gorgeous successful people of all sizes, from thin to fat and in between. What's important is that you like yourself- and you know, losing wieght won't make you like yourself more. When I was 14 I got into the whole "losing weight" thing, thinking that it would make me feel better about myself, but all that happened was I became obsessed with food. I was very lucky in that I realised what I was doing and put a stop to it before I developed any serious problems. But I understand what you're feeling and I know that it's your mental state that needs to change, not your body. I weigh heaps more than I did at my thinest, but I am far happier with my body and myself now.
posted
Thanks for the help but I don't think I can see a doctor or a counclor it's too embarrassing to talk about and too hard to talk about. I hate crying and I get emotional just thinking about it. I've talked about it with a friend and all he said was " If you become anorexic I can't be your friend anymore... I wouldn't be able to watch you kill yourself" I got mad at him and wouldn't talk to him for an hour. But my feelings for him is a whole nother topic.
Posts: 6 | Registered: Jul 2001
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posted
You won't get be able to get better if you keep fighting it. The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem ... to yourself and those you love. Next, you go for help. Asking for help when you need it is a sign of maturity. No one worthy of your time is going to make you feel embarassed about this and will more than likely want to help you out.
While your friends approach might not be all that helpful, i can see where he's coming from. People do live w/ this illness ... It is possible. You need to learn how to get better.
posted
Some people think that I'm just doing this for attention. I can't stand that but what if it's true? I can't go to the family doctor about this and I refuse to tell my mom so who else can I go to?
Posts: 6 | Registered: Jul 2001
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posted
There's only so much we can do for you here, and miracle solutions aren't among them. You have a difficult problem, and solving it will be difficult- it will involve telling people about it, even though you may not want to- as Smurf said, asking for help when you need it is a sign of maturity. You've come this far, so come on, go the next step. Once you've done it, it probably won't seem so hard anymore. This is something that is having a strong effect on you, and there's nothing wrong with crying, or becoming emotional as a result of talking about it. There's no shame.
But if you really think that you're not ready to talk about it, you can still go to your doctor- just say that you're worried about eating healthily, and you'd like her to recommend a diet to you that is suitable for your body type and age. And then do everything you can to stick to it and make sure you're eating enough food. And make a consious decision to stop doing silly things like not eating due to depression or to "get even" with your parents. Just say "right, I'm not going to do this to myself anymore," and mean it.
But please, try to seek professional help. You know you can do it.
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Once you've done it, it probably won't seem so hard anymore. This is something that is having a strong effect on you, and there's nothing wrong with crying, or becoming emotional as a result of talking about it. There's no shame.
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