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I'll Show You Mine: Kacey

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Submitted by Heather Corinna on Tue, 2011-08-30 07:47

This is our sixth installment of stories and photographs from I'll Show You Mine, a book by Wrenna Robertson and photographer Katie Huisman, and by all of the women featured in the book, collectively. To find out more about the book, Wrenna, and why we think this is such an important project, check out our interview with her here. Or, you can visit the website for the book to find out and more and get a copy for yourself.

If you'd like to ask the person whose body and words are featured in each entry any questions or have a conversation with her, most of the subjects have agreed to make themselves available here in the comments for discussions with our readers. As mentioned in Wrenna's interview, so many people never get the opportunity to talk about genitals in an honest, open and safe way with others, so we encourage you to avail yourselves of the opportunity, and are so grateful to the women involved for making this kind of conversation available to Scarleteen readers.

We're also happy to talk with you as Scarleteen staff or volunteers if you like. Depending on your feelings about your own genitals or those of others, and your experience (or lack of it) in seeing vulvas so realistically before, reading narratives or seeing images like these may stir up feelings for you which are uncomfortable. We're glad to talk you through any discomfort if you like should that happen for you. We're also happy to answer any questions this series may bring up for you about sexual or reproductive anatomy, either here in comments, on our message boards, or through our text service.

Reminder: This post includes a set of unaltered, unretouched and detailed photographs of the vulva for the purposes of awareness and education, not for sexual or other entertainment. If you do not wish to view photos like this, or are in a location where you do not feel comfortable viewing them, you may not want to read or scroll to the bottom of this page. We have left substantial space in between the words and the images so you may read all of the author's narrative without also viewing the images if you prefer.

This post also includes a first-person narrative reflective of the author and their own thoughts, feelings and language, which may or may not reflect the opinions or values of Scarleteen as an organization.

My name is Kacey.

In casual conversation, it is my vag, or va-goo if I'm in a silly mood. If I'm feeling particularly Feministy or Earth Mother Birthing Goddessy, it is my Yoni. I tell a lover I would love to lick her pussy. Whatever it is called, one thing is certain: it is pretty freaking amazing.

I am a doula, which means that I see on a regular basis the phenomenal things our vaginas can do. I have also birthed two children myself. My first child was a hefty 10 pounds. I gave birth on my hands and knees, stopped listening to the people shouting at me to push, and pushed when I felt like it. I did not tear.

The nurses were amazed with my vagina; I was amazed with myself.

While pregnant with my second, the topic at a party steered towards childbirth. A friend of mine emphatically stated that when she has children she would opt for a cesarean. Not for fear of pain but because she did not want to ruin her vagina. She told me flippantly that I must be loose.

Loose. Ruined.

I realize that sometimes in childbirth problems do occur that lead to major changes in women's vaginas, and I do not wish to discredit those experiences. However, I want to address the idea that childbirth, aging or having lots of sex leads to a RUINED vagina.

I took a look at the dictionary definition of "ruined." Total destruction or disintegration. To harm irreparably.

Many things may change the shape of our vagina and vulva, childbirth being one of them. But does having a different vagina mean it is ruined?

My vagina has accommodated the birth of two large infants, and returned more or less to its original shape. It has been penetrated by various body parts and sex toys and perhaps some things that were not meant as sex toys but were commandeered for that purpose. To this date I have enjoyed a vibrant sex life with a variety of partners. Is my vagina ruined? No! I want to stop hearing women worry that childbirth will RUIN their vagina, stop hearing about doctors putting in a "daddy stitch" when they repair a vaginal tear and get rid of terminology that defines women by their vaginas.

Women who sleep around are called "loose women." There is a problem with that.

My name in Kacey, I have birthed two large babies, slept with multiple partners and had a variety of interesting items in my hoo-ha. Despite this myriad of "vagina destroying" activities, my pussy remains the bastion of partner pleasing, baby birthing and self-exploratory awesomeness that it has always been. Woo!
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Previous posts in this series:

Want some information on vulvas and other sexual anatomy, gender and body image? Check these links out to get started:

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