Why Cory Loves Premature Ejaculation
This is a quickie. But it was so fantastic, and here at Scarleteen we have so many young men who are so freaked out and upset when they ejaculate sooner than they'd like, that I had to race over here and link to it ASAP.
From the piece, by the wonderful Cory Silverberg:
...the idea of premature ejaculation presupposes that there is a clear end goal, and that you’re getting there too soon. It also presupposes that extending sex is an obvious goal of sex. If you’re ejaculating before you want to, or before your partner wants to, the first thing you ought to do is ask yourself, what is it that I want to extend? Is the sex I’m having good enough to want to make it last longer? Am I coming quickly because really, there’s not much to wait around for? And do I want the goal I set for sex to be one that requires a stopwatch to evaluate?
What if all you wanted from a sexual encounter was to feel good? If ejaculating prematurely feels bad then you’ve got a good reason to learn to control ejaculation. If it doesn’t, then maybe what’s required is a conversation with your sexual partner about what they want, and how you can make sure you both get what you want, how you want it.
The second reason I love premature ejaculation is that it provides an interesting counter narrative to the traditional story we tell ourselves about male sexuality. Male sexuality is simple, we say. Guys are either on or off, and really, nudge-nudge-wink-wink, they’re always on. The penis is a obvious, visible organ, no where near as mysterious or complicated as the vulva, clitoris, vagina, or anus.
But if any of this were true, how come we can’t figure out definitively why men premature ejaculate?
Go and read it all. Right now. Seriously. Go.