Sexuality in Color: A Prayer for the New Year

In just under a week, it’ll be 2018. And while I usually don’t like to think about holidays, anniversaries, or time passing⁠ (passing: Being perceived as a member of a non-marginalized group when you’re a member of a marginalized group.) in general, I thought I’d share some of the wishes that I have for myself, for you, and for everyone in the new year.

In 2018, I want you to spend even more time masturbating. I want you to find the perfect vibrator⁠ (vibrator: A sex toy that, true to its name, provides stimulation by vibrating. They come in every imaginable shape, size, and color, and can be operated by regular batteries, electrical cords, or rechargeable batteries (like a cell phone.)) that hits all the right spots and the perfect fantasy that fills you with pleasure and delight. I want you to get to know even more about your body and what makes it tick than ever before. I want you to get to know every single nook and cranny of yourself intimately, whether or not you decide to share it with someone else. I want you to revel in your own somatic bliss, and embrace it wholeheartedly, without shame.

In 2018, I want you to be good to your body. To know that it’s doing its best with a whole lot out⁠ (out: Short for ‘out of the closet’. When someone’s LGBTQ+ identity is known to other people.) there working against it. I want you to look in the mirror and see a strange and beautiful organism that is a wonder to behold. I want you to be able to eat when you’re hungry, sleep when you’re tired, and give your body everything it needs and more, because that’s what you deserve. I want you to be able to move through the world feeling safe and comfortable, regardless of what your body’s abilities are relative to everyone else’s. I want your body to feel like a powerful living thing, growing and maturing into something even more lovely than it was the moment before.

In 2018, I want you to make decisions about your reproductive and/or sexual⁠ (sexual: About or relating in some way to sex or sexuality.) health that feel right for you. I want whatever contraceptives or barrier methods you need to keep yourself safe to be readily available and accessible, free from judgement or gatekeeping when you attempt to access them. If you’re able to become pregnant, I want you to directly decide if, when, and how you become pregnant, and whatever happens afterwards. I want HIV and STI testing and treatment to be free and accessible, and for everyone to feel comfortable seeking sexual healthcare without stigma.

In 2018, I want you to feel safe. I want you to walk down the street with nothing more concerning than the thought-provoking podcast you’re listening to. I want the length of your skirt to determine only how sexy you feel and how much the sunshine hits your skin. I want no to always mean no, and the absence of affirmative consent⁠ (consent: To freely and actively agree to do a specific thing with someone else with all the information about what that thing is, and the right to change your mind.) to be the absence of movement. I want home to be a place only of comfort, warmth, and groundedness. I want those who might hurt you or take advantage of you, whether out of malice or ignorance, to take a good look at themselves and decide to seek help. I want you to feel in control of what’s happening to you.

In 2018, I want the people around you to earn their places in your life. I want them to ask questions about what you like and don’t like, and listen to the answers. I want your stupid ex to realize that they were a jerk to you, and that they have a long road of self-reflection and therapy ahead of them before they even think of dating someone new. I want the people in your life who have hurt you to realize they need to do better. That you invite them to your party, and not the other way around. I want you to be able to communicate clearly with partner(s) of all kinds about your needs and wants, and to have them respected.

In 2018, I want you to become even more connected with family. Whether that family is biological, chosen, extended, nuclear, arbitrary, queer⁠ (queer: In the context of sexuality, a broad term for sexual orientation that can describe any number of orientations which are not heterosexual. People who identify as queer may be bisexual or pansexual, gay or lesbian, questioning, asexual or more.) , or like nothing I’ve ever seen, I want you to know who your people are, and to give and share love and encouragement with them. I want you to always have someone to turn to when things are tough, or to celebrate a moment of joy with. I want you to know that there are always folks out there who care about you and believe in you. I want you to know trust, support, and unconditional love.

In 2018, I want you to believe in yourself. I want you to know that everything is a process, and that the difficult things that you’re experiencing won’t have to feel like this forever. I want the trauma⁠ (trauma: A serious or critical physical and/or emotional injury or physically and/or emotionally painful experience.) that you’re carrying with you to feel less present. I want survivors of all kinds to be honored and respected, and for their voices to be listened to rather than invalidated or shouted over. I want you to be able to say what you want and need to say to speak your truth, because it’s important.

In the name of all that is radical, queer, conscious, kind, and just, I call on the powers and forces that be (named and unnamed, seen and unseen) to help bring these wishes for the new year into existence.

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