Happy New Year to you!

We hope your 2009 is happy, healthy, and downright fantastic. These may be hard times, but there’s still so much to be grateful for and glad about— plus, there’s no better time than now for you to take action and make a difference!

I’m sure you have a lot of positive things to look forward to –- friends, family, school, work, hobbies, and more. If you’re not feeling too hot about what’s to come, that’s a great reason to begin brainstorming ideas. You can start right here at Scarleteen: With over ten years of providing comprehensive, inclusive and original sex education to millions of young adults under its belt, you know you can turn to Scarleteen for new articles, new blog entries, new discussions, and more in 2009. (As always, your support is greatly appreciated-- you're what keeps us around!)

Something old, something new, something you

Let’s take a step back to review some of the oldies-but-goodies at the site. In this Spotlight on Scarleteen blog entry, we will be highlighting some of our all-time favorite articles!

Since founding Scarleteen in 1998, Director and Designer Heather Corinna has penned many a informative, interesting, and empowering article for the site. Since then, she has been joined by a number of staff, volunteer, user, and guest writers and still regularly produces new pieces. Here’s a list!

Speaking of which, you are welcome to write an article, too, for the In Your Own Words section. Check out the current offerings, on topics from A – age disparate relationships to Z – well, make it HSV, and then read up on How to Speak Up!

The envelope, please

What do you think were some of the biggest articles in 2008? Here’s a hint to help jog your memory: think of one Godzilla-inspired creature that’s to be loved, not feared (and we’re not talking purple dinosaurs here); a piece on tough guys standing up for what’s right (no pumping iron or bootcamp-style training regiments required!); another on giving lip (in a good way, of course!); and, finally, is that a protractor in your pocket or you just happy to see size put into perspective? Are you feeling lucky right now (or completely lost)?

That’s right, the most popular articles this past year include:

• Vagzilla! (Or, All Genitals Great and Small)
• How You Guys -- that's right, You GUYS -- Can Prevent Rape
• Give'em Some Lip: Labia That Clearly Ain't Minor
• Shown Actual Size: A Penis Shape & Size Lowdown

Staff and Volunteer ALL-TIME FAVORITE Scarleteen Articles

Recently, Scarleteen staff and volunteers were asked to name their all-time Scarleteen articles. There are so many great pieces from, but we were able to narrow it down to the following:

Abbie (USA): I love Be A Blabbermouth! The Whys, Whats and Hows of Talking About Sex With a Partner. The first few sexual encounters with a new partner can be so nerve wracking; I've read this article so many times, it's really pretty irreplaceable advice. Even those who've gotten comfortable with their partner can learn a thing or two!

Femke (USA): My personal favorite is 10 of the Best Things You Can Do for Your Sexual Self (at Any Age) by Heather Corinna. I love the upbeat tone and great suggestions that apply to literally everyone! I also am a big fan of No Big Deal: Sex and Disability by Clare Sainsbury, because it sheds light on a topic that may seem taboo to discuss yet truly applies to us all, regardless of (dis)abilities.

Jacob (UK): Very gritty for a "favourite", but in terms of something I appreciate more than enjoy I'd say Heather's Article on How Guys Can Prevent Rape is a hugely important article to me and to the conversations of gender as a whole; pointing to where prevention of rape and abuse really needs to come from. The Bi The Dozen Quiz mythbuster by Hanne Blank is fantastic. I've also read Malcolm Gin's article on sex, gender, intersex and Klinefelter's Syndrome a number of times, it's so brilliantly clear about topics around which I've struggled to summarize on my own..

Joey (EU): The article I find the best and most useful is the Sex Readiness Checklist. I really wish I'd had that around when I first became sexually active! :)

Lauren (FIN): I think I like the very best I Want IT NOW!, the baby article, because it is sensitive to the various needs girls in that situation have (wanting love/attention/validation of maturity) while telling them firmly but gently that it's extremely misplaced. It realizes that some girls do have genuine desires to have a kid, and doesn't talk down to them for having that choice, either.

I also love our volunteer Alice's piece, The Reality of New Mommyhood, because she is such a strong person and writer, and is brave enough to be real about her experiences parenting young without being yippy-skippy nor doom-and-gloom. I really think she gave a voice to moms who are to scared to tell anyone about their feelings when their kid has colic.

Maggie (CAN): It's difficult for me to pick only one Scarleteen article as a favorite because the truth is I like them all and find that each of them are really helpful and deals with different topics which are as important one another in my opinion. But here's 3 of my favorites that I'd like to share with you guys :

''Vagzilla ! (Or, All genitals great and small)'' because I find that this article makes me feel great about my body and helps me to accept it just the way it is with its own uniqueness.

''Ready or not ? The Sex Readiness Checklist'' because it really help you reconsider whether or not you are truly ready to start becoming sexually active. It can pretty easy sometimes to assume that we're ready for sex when in reality we're not and we're missing some important items on the checklist. Or, in other cases, it can be difficult for some people to determine whether or not they are really ready for sex and that article might therefore be of huge help since it's exactly for that.

I am also a fan of the article entitled ''From OW to WOW ! Demystifying painful intercourse'' because pain during intercourse is something that a lot of women will experience at least one in their life and a lot are worried about it and wondering what could be the possible culprits and this article just happens to list them all pretty clearly with some explanations.

I could list them all but I think I'll stop right here.

Stephanie (USA): I am personally a huge fan of "Be A Blabbermouth! The Whys, Whats and Hows of Talking About Sex With a Partner." It seems to me that everone can use a reminder about how important communication is, even the other volunteers and myself. One common theme in many of my responses is, "Communication is the key to any relationship, especially a sexual relationship."

Véro (CAN): Personally, I love the Birth Control Bingo article. It's just so informative and awesome. It's fun to go through it too. I've learned so much about all the different methods of birth control and it's helped me make decisions about what would suit my needs. I also think First Intercourse 101 is great. I remember reading it a few times before I became sexually active, and how it helped me have more realistic expectations. I think it's actually the first article I found on this site!

So, what do you think?

Already familiar with all the articles mentioned in the blog or did you pick up any title to add to your reading list?

Did they mention any of your favorites?

Please join in the discussion by listing your favorite article below and telling us why. We’d love to hear from you!

In the meantime, may all be well and fine in 2009 — we’ll see you around the site!

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What is Spotlight on Scarleteen? Find out more by clicking here.

This Spotlight on Scarleteen interview features the one and only Jacob! Also known as PenguinBoy on the message boards, Jacob is an engineering student living in Leeds, UK. A big influence on his identity, both at the site as well as in person, is his rejection of labels. (You’ll hear more about this soon!) At Scarleteen, Jacob puts his diverse background to use by offering an introspective take on topics such as sexual orientation and relationships, while also being one of the few male volunteers at the site.

Currently taking a break from his studies, Jacob is a Jack(ob)-of-all-trades who manages to fit volunteering into his busy schedule, which includes recently having worked in the neonatal ICU and maternity area of a hospital, regularly creating art work and graphic design commissions, teaching English to asylum seekers and refugees, writing poetry­ and hanging out with his beloved friends. (Of course, this is to be expected from someone who is such an open, welcoming friend himself– in person and on the boards!)

While Jacob is frank and transparent about many things, it is his unique perspective on the non-importance of labels that is extra special. He offers a truly refreshing take on an age-old dilemma faced by so many young people questioning their sexual orientation. Jacob’s article Living without Labels could be seen as icing on the cake in that it wraps up all those resources while adding a sprinkle of his personal experience. Human sexuality is so diverse. People are as different and unique as snowflakes, if even more so; no one label appropriately describes anyone. Many websites and resources may sponsor that message but few hit the nail on the head as well as Jacob does in his piece.

To use his own words:

But for any of you who have trouble with trying to work it out, who actually undergo stress to fathom what box you belong in or have an inkling that maybe you're over-squeezed to fit in a badly shaped one, I suggest to just think for a moment, that maybe you don’t need a box after all. Like I don’t have to ‘come-out’ and confess that something of myself is different to that which never needed to have been assumed in the first place.

Not long ago, Jacob did come out–- from behind his computer screen–- so we could get to know him better. Indeed, even without the convenience of labels, Jacob peals back the layers to reveal a lot of interesting and new information about himself. Here it is, “straight”-up! Please feel free to comment or ask Jacob any questions directly by leaving a message on this page or in the Staff Stuff area of the message boards.

Without any further ado, let’s get started with the interview!

Hello! Could you please share some basic information about yourself?
I'm Jacob, 20 years old, and currently living in Leeds UK.

What do you do at Scarleteen?
I help moderate the GLBT Relationships and the Relationships forums and have written an article called Living without Labels.

How did you get your username?
For some reason when I used to run at sports in school, people decided to tell me that I looked like a waddling penguin, and "penguin boy" was was what I got called. Then when I started using the internet and everyone on online communities had nicknames and aliases, I thought I'd reclaim my old taunt and started calling myself PenguinBoy. I don't use it so much anymore, now that the internet is so much more public than it used to be.

How long have you been active at Scarleteen? When did you start volunteering?
I've been a user since April 2006. It was about a year later when I remember getting an email from Heather asking if I wanted to be a volunteer... I was not expecting it and had looked up to the volunteers so much that it didn't seem possible to me that I could be one... I told everyone I could, I had been chosen!

What initially brought you to Scarleteen, and what’s kept you around?
Humorously, I first found Scarleteen when the front page of an erotic fiction website said "If your under 18 click here" which redirected me here for the first time... I found the guiltless accessible yet detailed content amazing. Sex was something that was always restricted in terms of who you could talk to about it, and what those people actually knew. As something taboo, I wanted to know everything. I wanted to add my opinions to discussions. I sometimes based my thoughts entirely on private theorising, and was corrected and actually was hugely influenced in my life by example of the volunteers. I read people's problems and wanted to offer advice. Giving people advice that makes them happy is incredibly elevating.

Do you have a favorite ST article, thread or feature?
Very gritty for a "favourite", but in terms of something I appreciate more than enjoy I'd say Heather's Article on How Guys Can Prevent Rape is a hugely important article to me and to the conversations of gender as a whole; pointing to where prevention of rape and abuse really needs to come from. The Bi The Dozen Quiz mythbuster by Hanne Blank is fantastic. I've also read Malcolm Gin's article on sex, gender, intersex and Klinefelter's Syndrome a number of times, it's so brilliantly clear about topics around which I've struggled to summarize on my own.

What’s been the best part of volunteering? What have been some of your most memorable moments here?
Recently I saw that my article had been recommended to a user. Most of my help given here feels immediate but to see that I could potentially have a lasting influence makes me incredibly proud... I take a lot of joy from whenever I hear of anyone who's been helped by Scarleteen. Volunteering is great because Scarleteen is something I believe in, so to actually be a tiny part of why it's actually here is wonderful... I'm sure that many of the users that have contributed feel the same, or should, whether volunteers or not.

If you are willing to talk about it, could you please share the biggest challenge you’d faced while volunteering at Scarleteen?
I'd say a feeling of responsibility gets to me, that I don't necessarily feel I'm doing as much as I want to... I have learning difficulties generally, so time management is a challenge.

Now that we have gotten to know more about your involvement behind-the-scenes at Scarleteen, let’s move to getting to know the person beyond-the-computer-screen.

Could you please tell us more about your life outside of Scarleteen. What do you do?
Well, I've done a year of a civil engineering degree, but didn't do well enough in my exams to progress to year 2... this year for me was supposed to be about experimentation in terms of work and expression... I've worked two jobs in a hospital; one was as a house keeper in a neonatal intensive care unit, and the other was as part of risk management for maternity... I'm currently doing commissions of graphic design and art work, in a spurt of work I've managed to secure in an urge to pay my next big rent payment. In January, I'm back to studying in a hope that I can pass some extra exams in June to give me the option of returning to my course.

How do you typically use the computer and internet? Are there any other sites you like to frequent or recommend? Do you have a blog or something else you’d like to share?
Where do I begin... I do most of what I do through the internet, facebook is a major means of communication for me and I used it as part of my latest job seek campaign to great success! I listen to music on last.fm where I've found a lot of good stuff, I keep a blog type thing which is mainly poetry at livejournal though I won't share the address just yet! I'm really quite into open source. That means software like ubuntu (an alternative to windows) which is designed and developed for free by the communities who benefit from them, I can only hope that more things in the world start to run like that!

Where are you coming from? Could you please share some of your roots with us?
Well... my dad's Armenian, my mum's English I grew up in the south of England. I think I probably got a lot of my inspiration in terms of a tendency to want to volunteer from her, she's a midwife and was intent about making sure I was clear about sex knowledge. Being mixed race made me an outsider in a number of situations, which, though it was uncomfortable, attributed greatly to the way I think now and the understanding I've learnt. As a child I was one of the ones who had a lot of tantrums. Apparently at 6 my teachers told my parents I'd end up in jail; a bit premature of them I'd say! I'm not in jail... yet!

I have a lot of 1 on 1 relationships that make up a friendship group in my mind, I like spending an entire day, when I have time, with certain people and having fun and talking.

Whom do you turn to for advice and support?
I've got a good number of people around me from whom a hug can mean everything. When things go horribly and I can't find anyone to talk to, I sometimes vent here which is incredibly appreciated. Also, in my big talks with old friends I tend to open up, and we talk things through.

What are some of your hobbies, interests, and passions?
Well, volunteering, as you can see, is a biggee. I also volunteer as the trans officer of my uni's LGBT society and as an English teacher/helper in free lessons for asylum seekers and refugees. I write poetry and give confusing performances at open mic nights in my city... I've DJed a few times this year, and write music with my guitar, and I also do life drawing which I quite enjoy... I generally like exploring which encompasses a lot of things. I like reading poetry, watching interesting (possibly weird) films which are largely non-english or low budget, and listening to music which gives me something I've never heard before.

There used to be a popular bumper sticker that said, “I’d rather be dancing.” What would you rather be doing?
Sometimes I think I'd rather be dancing too, I love dancing, thankfully I do actually get some time for that... I'm quite happy with everything I'm doing, I'd just like to do it better, which I hope will come with time.

Would you mind sharing your plans for the future or long-term goals?
In the long term I'd simply like to spend as much time with the people I like as possible, do more of what I'm doing and develop my relationships. If I ever needed to take on a parental role I know I'd really enjoy it... I also might like to foster or adopt children... and as a fantasy I'd love to be published, make an influential album or be artistically reputable in some way, that'd be very cool.

Now that we’ve heard about your involvement at Scarleteen as well as your personal life, could you please share how how your tenure at ST has affected your life offline and vice versa?
Well it's certainly given me a much clearer confidence in my own preferences, the idea of guilt surrounding sex is gone from my life. Being prepared to truly listen to people and consider new views is something that is a major influence on my communication with anyone. It's aided me tremendously in terms of how to work in teams and made a great difference to group work at uni, my input into other volunteering schemes and work. Also, Scarleteen has quite simply made me happier.

Is there anything that you’d like to share?
I don't know what we haven't covered... it's been thorough... actually, my flatmates are a great support to me now, including Murphy who's a gorgeous (nutty) kitten. I've had some fantastic teachers too, which is something I thought about with an earlier question... the influence of teachers who thought I was great in some sort of way was an incredible motivation. If the damnation from my early teacher who predicted my imprisonment had been continued and enacted by the few teachers who really inspired me, I don't know how I would have coped. While we're at it, Heather too, has been a great inspiration in having started the site and continually progressing and growing.

Thank you very much for taking the time to share and giving us the opportunity to get to know you better, Jacob. Good luck in all your future endeavors, and see you around Scarleteen!

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What is Spotlight on Scarleteen? Find out more by clicking here.

There doesn't seem to be a week that passes at Scarleteen where we're not helping a user who is in some kind of crisis -- and often a whopper -- with an older male partner: pressured sex or a sexual abuse, a pregnancy scare (usually due to the guy having any and every reason why other guys can use condoms, but he's the great exception to every rule), a newly-acquired STI (again with the condom refusals, sometimes paired with lies about testing and sexual history), an abusive relationship (and often combined with a pregnancy scare, pregnancy or STI), isolation from friends or family (often because said boyfriend is doing the isolating), or trouble doing things that enable life goals like getting through college or finishing an important project because Mr. Wonderful sabotages those efforts.

I'm aware -- including in my personal life, having been in more than one healthy age-disparate relationship with an older partner -- that not every older boyfriend is abusive, exploitive or a waste of breatheable air. Your older boyfriend may be someone who is a stand-up guy, who is aware that age does matter and treads lightly to avoid exploiting you in any way. He may be someone who does care deeply for you, has all the respect in the world for you, and demonstrates that clearly and consistently in your relationship.

By no means do I feel it is impossible for any man to be a good guy in relationships with an age gap. If I thought men were simply incapable of being decent human beings at any age, I'd probably be a lot less pissed off at the guys who aren't, because it wouldn't be a choice. But it is, and some make the choice to be much less than decent.

So unfortunately, I'm also all too aware -- as is every single reproductive health and teen advocacy group in the nation -- that the rule, rather than the exception, is that your older boyfriend is more likely to be bad news than good. And the younger you are, the more statistically likely it is that your older partner is going to spell major league disaster for you.

It's my responsibility to manage feelings I experience when doing my job. There are times when working in this field leaves me feeling sad, troubled, worried, irritated or steaming mad, and I do my best not to dump those feelings unto those who talk with me or vent them inappropriately. But I also think it's my responsibility to earnestly treat you like the mature person I think you are or can be, like the adult you are becoming. Sometimes that means, as we do with people we care for and respect, saying things I feel need to be said which might not be what you want to hear, and which also may arise out of some not-so-pretty feelings working as your advocate and ally can leave me with.

So, your older boyfriend who isn't the exception to the rule? Or the one you think is, but for some strange reason no one else seems to think so, and all the parts of your life he has his fingers in seem to keep running amok?

Yeah, that guy.

As of late, I have to admit that I am becoming seriously pissed off at that guy, for a whole lot of reasons I want to tell you all about.

I feel like he chose you because he thinks you can be convinced he's as good as you're going to get: when the truth is that you are the one who is as good as HE is going to get. I feel like dating someone as smart, gorgeous, fabulous and awesome as you are is something he does in part to make himself feel more important than he actually is. I feel like he thinks it's okay to use you to make others think better of him than he actually deserves. I feel like he chose you because he thinks "getting" you is an achievement all about him, not a partnership about both of you.

I feel like he chose you because he thinks that he can be held to lower standards by you than someone closer to his age would hold him to. I hear you when you tell me that you value his picking you, that someone older and wiser choosing to be with you makes you feel important, but I don't understand why when he doesn't act like someone older and wiser. I know he tells you how mature for your age you are, and how your maturity puts you "on the same level." The part he always seems to leave out is that if you are on a similar level of maturity, it's only because he is immature for his age.

I feel like he chose you because he thinks you're stupid. Which particularly sucks because you're not.

But why else would he tell you things like how different from other girls you are, like that he's sterile -- and isn't it wacky that so many guys who are apparently sterile are ALSO the guys who refuse to use condoms, or who don't want you to have any sexual boundaries? (Isn't it even wackier still how many of those apparently sterile guys wind up miraculously getting girls pregnant?)

Why else would he tell you you're the first girl he really liked when you aren't, or you're the first person he's done this or that sexual thing with when he's done it with others before? Why else would he tell you that your friends and family aren't thinking in your best interest when they point out crummy things to you about him which he knows are true? Why else would he tell you that guys your age can't do the things he does when many of them can... and then some? Why else would he tell you he's thisclose to getting a job, thisclose to getting his own place, thisclose to paying you back the money he owes you when he's not gotten off the couch and logged off World of Warcraft for days or given you five minutes of guilt-free time with your friends to even be within a 50-mile radius of those things?

Why would he tell you any of these things and earnestly expect you to believe them if he knew you were smart? And I feel like he doesn't care one whit when he lies to you, because it seems worth whatever it gets him.

I feel like he chose you because he thinks you'll never amount to much. Enough, perhaps, for him to enjoy the fruits of your efforts or labors, but not enough for him ever to feel like you're his equal or that you might surpass him in any way.

I feel like some of why he chose you is because you're isolated in some way, feel a bit like an outsider, or are without enough support in your life from others. I've watched him choose you because you belong to more than one oppressed group, and thus seem easier for him to lord over: because you are female, because you're of color, because you are poor, because you haven't completed your education, because you have an addiction, because abuse has been your norm, because you are an immigrant, because you are already a teen parent.

I feel like he chose you because he sees or senses something in you that makes you more vulnerable to his bullshit: like that your parents aren't around, seem to be clueless, or set their standards for themselves so low that they also have low standards for you. Like that you're already wounded in some way that makes it tougher for you to recognize danger when it's whispering sweet nothings in your ear. Like that you think you aren't thin enough, pretty enough, sexy enough or aren't enough of anything at all, not even enough for a jerk like him, so you feel lucky he chose you while he's busy making you unlucky as hell. Like that you're in one of those states of limbo we often find ourselves in in our teens where we get lost for a while and have trouble with school, family or our own goals and dreams. Like because he knows someone younger has limited life experience which makes it harder to see when something or someone is bad news.

I feel like he chose you because he thinks that the biggest rebellion you have in you isn't changing an unjust rule or law, fighting for the rights of people who need a voice, advocating for yourself when no one else will, winning something everyone said you couldn't, or telling the whole freaking world to piss off when that's what needs to be said, but... just dating some creep who will irritate off your parents.

I feel like he knows -- and enjoys -- that he has more power than you do right now due to his age or gender, and that rather than seeking to share it, or helping you nurture and own your own power, he wants to keep his power, and take yours from you to have it all for himself.

And I know that he knows that age matters, despite his telling you, or agreeing with you, that it doesn't.

He knows that because he's been your age before, and knows that things are different for him at the age he is now. When you're his age, you'll know that, too, but he also knows you don't know that yet.

Me, hopping mad.

One reason I get so deeply angry is that I am tired of watching your "mature" boyfriend turn you into a statistic, like one of these:

• Nearly one in five adolescent girls reports having sex with a partner three or more years older. These girls are at increased risk of acquiring a sexually transmitted disease because they are less likely to use a condom — possibly a result of unequal power dynamics in these relationships. This power imbalance might also increase their risk for violent victimization by older partners. (National Institute of Justice)

• Teenage girls with older partners are more likely to become pregnant than those with partners closer in age. (Planned Parenthood, 2004) Further, girls who get pregnant are more likely to have the baby rather than get an abortion if their partners are older (Alan Guttmacher Institute, 1994). A recent study found that 6.7 percent of women aged 15-17 have partners six or more years older. The pregnancy rate for this group is 3.7 times as high as the rate for those whose partners are no more than two years older (Planned Parenthood, 2004; Darroch et al., 1999). When the age separation of the male is at least six years older, the 15 to 17 year old female is almost three times as likely to be one of those who later became counted as a teen pregnancy (Family Planning Perspectives). Teens who date older partners have a lower likelihood of consistent contraceptive use. For each year a partner is older than the respondent, the likelihood of always using contraception decreases by 11 percent. (Child Trends, 2004)

• Younger and foreign-born teens, with lower parent education, with older friendship networks, and attending a school that spans multiple grades, had greater odds of having a first sexual experience with an older partner than with a similar-aged partner. Hispanics and premenarche females had lower odds of having an older sexual partner than of abstaining from sexual intercourse. In contrast... lower parent education, nonintact family structure, less connection to parents, substance use or having peers who used substances, and having older peers were associated with increased odds of having sex with an older partner, compared with not engaging in sexual intercourse. (Risk and protective factors associated with the transition to a first sexual relationship with an older partner, Journal of Adolescent Health, 40(2), 135 - 143)

• Ten percent of females and 2% of males has had early sex with an older partner. These females were more likely to acquire an STD as young adults than were those whose riskiest relationship was before age 16 with a similar-aged partner (odds ratio: 2.1) or at age 16 or later with a similar-aged or older partner (2.4 and 2.6, respectively). (Perspectives on Sexual and Reproductive Health, 2008, 40(1):17–26 )

• Data from a 1993-1994 survey of 150 black and Hispanic teenagers were used to examine differences in HIV risk-related behavior between young women who have a first sexual partner three or more years older than themselves and those whose first partner is their age. Compared with teenagers whose first partner had been roughly their age, the 35% of adolescents with an older partner had been younger at first intercourse (13.8 years vs. 14.6) and less likely to use a condom at first intercourse (63% vs. 82%). They also were less likely to report having used a condom at last intercourse (29% vs. 44%), having used condoms consistently over their lifetime (37% vs. 56%) or in the previous six months (44% vs. 66%). (Family Planning Perspectives, 1997, 29(5), 212-214) Nearly one-third of black female teens with older partners are more likely to report low rates of contraceptive use and high rates of pregnancy and childbirth.

• Women with older partners were more likely to have reported that they had been forced to have sex at some time in their lives and that they had first intercourse in more casual relationships rather than long-term relationships (e.g., going steady or engaged). The researchers also found that Hispanic women and women who dropped out of school were more likely to have older partners. (Darroch, Landry, & Oslak. (1999). Age differences between sexual partners in the United States. Family Planning Perspectives, 31(4), 160-167) Young women who had ever been forced to have sex were twice as likely as those who had not to have a partner who was 3-5 years older.

The reason I feel so angry, and dislike him so, so very much is that time after time after time, I watch him put all of you in the same textbook places. I tell you I see this stuff every day but his slick manipulations tend to carry more weight than the truth. I watch him give you a pile of excuses as to why he won't use a condom. I hear him explain away how having sex with you isn't his selfish pleasure (even though he usually gets off and you usually don't), but an expression of a love he isn't even capable of feeling. I talk you through the STI he gave you, after he told you he's had no risks (often because he's only "slept with virgins") or gets tested religiously (and often has never been tested even once). I observe him convincing you that, at 14 or 16 you should really have a baby with him even though he can't even parent himself yet and is not going to help you co-parent, no matter what he's telling you now. I see how he isolates you from other people who truly care about you. I hear him say he's all about making you feel great out one side of his mouth while the other side assures you feel lousy enough to stay with the likes of him. I try and support you when he has belittled or usurped your goals and dreams -- finishing school, going to college, pursuing your art -- and try and replace them with himself as your only dream.

I get so angry with him when I see what he puts you through: I feel so tired of the endless pregnancy scares due to unprotected sex and all the ways he convinces you to have it. I'm tired of watching you race to the doctor for birth control or infection treatments when he won't do the same. I'm tired of hearing you be the one worried that when he chooses to break the law by having sex with you, it's your responsibility to protect him somehow by keeping what he's been doing with you secret -- even when that puts you at risk of dangers -- rather than his responsibility to be the adult that he is and be responsible for himself and his own choices.

I am tired of listening to all the excuses you make for him and the ways you defend his behavior even though there is no excuse for what he does, and even though he'd be unlikely to defend you if you treated him the same way. I get angry with him when I see you do everything and anything to love him as best you can, when you make huge sacrifices for him, and all for someone who either can't or just won't do the same for you.

I get angry with him when you tell me the way he guilt-trips you into thinking he'll kill himself if you leave him (he won't), that despite being the one with more agency, he's unable to take care of himself without you (he's not), that all the crap he does is not because he's an rat, but because you don't do enough for him (you do too much by even giving him five minutes of your time). I get angry with him when, in those moments you have felt able to voice feeling lousy because of the things he does, or state you need a change, he says anything and everything he possibly can to convince you that it's you to blame for everything he chooses to do or not do (it isn't), and that you just need to lower your expectations to his level (you don't).

I get so angry with him because the way he treats you hurts you so much and leaves you feeling so bad.

I get so angry about him because I know you deserve so much better, and I know he's nothing close to as good as it gets for you: not in a partner, not in the sphere of the whole of your life, and all your life could offer you, especially when you're not held back by some jerk like him. I get so angry with him because I know that you're so much more than someone's status object, or something that can get a guy a high-five from his friends. I get so angry with him because I know you are deserving of, and entitled to, real love, not the empty platitudes he's convinced you love is.

I get so angry at him because I don't think you're stupid: I know you're not stupid at all. I get so angry because I hate seeing you lied to so that he can get what he wants, at your expense, and with you often paying the biggest price. I get so angry because I resent anyone using your love and need to be loved as a way to pull the wool over your eyes for their own personal gain. I get so angry with him because I am a person of maturity who recognizes that you are, too, and who is mad as hell that someone so utterly lacking in maturity targets your need to have that recognized and manipulates you with it.

I don't think you're a piece of crap. I don't think that you won't amount to much. I think you have a bigger, more powerful rebellious energy than just picking a guy to be with who is 24 and still lives in his parent's basement.

I get so angry with him because that he seems to think so very much less of you than I do. The reason I get so angry with him is that sometimes, I think he sees exactly the kind of potential in you I do, but rather nurturing it to help you thrive and grow, he wants to squelch it to convince you to put all that great energy into him and him alone, in part so that he doesn't have to do it for himself, and have to improve himself to be worthy of people like you.

The reason I get so angry with him is that I think he's idiotic for thinking your power, might and value is so small that he's the best you can do, and for keeping you, and the rest of the world, from all the amazing stuff that you've really got in you. The reason I get so angry with him is that I know you're going to be far more powerful than he is, and I also know you're going to use your power for incredible, wonderful things, not for manipulating people who allow themselves to be vulnerable with you.

The reason I might even feel angry with you is because, deep in my bones, I know, without doubt or question, that if you could just get the heck away from guys like him, you'd get to the place where everything I'm saying here is obvious and move on to the kind of life, and real partnership with people, that is worthy of you. I know that you can and will find the kind of big, real love that makes what this guy have to offer you look like the raw deal that it is.

Here's what I want to ask you.

Do you think he sees you like I see you? Not just now and then, not just when who you are fits with what he wants from you, but all the time? If he does, why on earth does he treat you like you're someone else entirely -- someone less powerful, less talented, less smart, less amazing, less worthy of respect and real love?

Do you think that if someone who thought and felt the way I do about you were to walk up to him and make him face up to some of these things he's done or is doing, and the crummy ways he thinks about and regards you, that he'd take responsibility and do everything in his power to make radical changes? Or would he make excuses or denials, try and be cute or perhaps even just toss you over for another young girl without someone to have her back, who's a lot less trouble because she's got less to lean on?

Months, years or even decades from now when you look back on this relationship, how do you think you're going to feel about it, especially if it left you with an unwanted pregnancy, an STI, an abiding sense of distrust, sex you didn't want, self-esteem you had to reconstruct, friends and family you had to try and repair relationships with, abuse or just a pack of lies and betrayals? If it -- as these tend to -- tossed one or more areas of your life into total disarray or put big things you wanted on hold, if it caused you to miss valuable opportunities, do you think you might wish then that you ditched this dupe earlier? Do you think that, at that point, were you able to reach back in time and talk to the you-of-now, you might not want to grip your shoulders and say "Wake the heck UP, girl!" as loud as you could?

I say some of these things because I feel you are my sister, in the capital-S way, and I care about you a whole lot, in the way a Sister does. Which begs this question: is this guy the kind of guy, is this the kind of relationship, you'd want for your sister? It's sure not what I want for mine.

All of this leaves me with the other thing, the bigger thing I want to ask you.

Do YOU see yourself like I see you...or do you see yourself like he sees you? Do you WANT to become the kind of person he sees you as, or the kind of person I see you as?

Would the kind of powerful person I see you as -- who you and I both know you really are, even at times when some fool manages to convince you you are not -- give a dude like this even two minutes of her time? For real? Which idea of you -- which reality of you -- do you think is going to result in your having an amazing life?

You're more powerful than you know, and it's time to find that out.

Age alone does not determine how much power or empowerment we do or don't have. For sure -- particularly because of the way the world is structured in terms of privileging older people with rights and agency not given to younger people -- someone older than you is usually going to have more power than you in that respect. But that alone doesn't leave that person with all the power and you with none, because you've got other powers, some of which he may also have, many of which he probably does not.

You have your power of reason, for instance. You have power you can derive through the people who love and care for you and have your back, unconditionally. The power of your goals and dreams, the power of knowing the you you were so looking forward to growing up to become when you were a little girl. The power of your own unique talents and your own unique beauty, inside and out. The power of your own self-esteem. The power of your intuition, the things you deeply know. The power of your own two feet, and how they can walk away, in firm steps, from things that are beneath you. Aw hell, the plain power of knowing -- and you know some part of you you have buried away does -- that this guy and this relationship are just plain crappy, and most of the efforts you put into him are leaving you with less of yourself, not more, and are making you less of the person you are and wanted to be before you had the misfortune of meeting him.

I'm writing all of this to you, rather than him, not because all of this is your responsibility or fault, but because I'm afraid there's just not a darn thing I can do to change your older boyfriend's mind. All the more since a hard truth is that, right now, there are too many other young girls out there just like you he can prey on, and he'll find them.

My lousy opinion of your older boyfriend isn't set in stone, or based on me or you. It's all about his behavior, his actions, the way he chooses to view and treat you. If your older boyfriend, say, just forgot to use a condom on accident once, or didn't realize that one time he was pushing for sex that he was being pushy, or has had such low self-esteem of his own that he hasn't able to see how that's playing out in his relationship to you, and when limits are set, the mistakes he's made stated and acknowledged, he accepts responsibility for them and does all he can to make a big change? I might feel very differently.

But you know what? He knows what he's doing: he's the older and wiser one, remember? And he probably won't change one bit, especially if there are folks available to him who'll put up with the craptastic louse he chooses to be.

Some of why he's choosing to be with someone who is not closer to his same age, nearer to his same place in life is so that he doesn't have to change. The way he acts and the things he does might hurt you, and your age difference and the dynamics being played out in all that may well be doing you real harm. But, the thing is, in order for him to change he'd have to want to do that work, and to want to do that work, he'd have to care at least as much about you as he cares about himself. And chances are good that he just plain doesn't. I know that hurts like hell, but I also know that so much of why it hurts is because you're still trying to get blood from a stone rather than kicking the empty rock that he is aside and saving your love for the care of someone who earnestly wants to care for it. They're out there, I promise: but they are not this guy. Changing this can't rest on him, because he's just not going to do it.

He may be older but he's not wiser, and he's not acting like a grownup. He doesn't want to grow up, which is part of why he's dating people he perceives as not grownup themselves. He also doesn't have the bad stuff that happens to you because of him happen to him to make him want to change: if he was in your shoes, he'd ditch him in a heartbeat.

This rests on you. Because so many of these guys are so irredeemable, changing what's going on all seems to boil down to cutting off their resources: in a word, you.

Changing this rests on you because it benefits him for things to stay exactly as they are. What benefits you is to make damn sure that they don't.

So, it's on you to be every bit of the kickass person you are and aim to be at your very best, so much that you dislike like your older boyfriend even more than I do. And the next time he sees you coming? He's not going to smile, wink, pat your head, try to soften you up with lines that feed all your insecurities, or see in you the opportunity to get everything while giving absolutely nothing. Instead, he's going to get one look at that powerful look in your powerful eyes that tells him you know better, you ARE better, and he's going to run like hell because he knows you see exactly what he is and knows that the few years he has on you isn't anything close to enough to overpower the power that you are.

On you to dump these chumps, and ideally, never get involved with them in the first place. On you to be the mother, the sister, the teacher, the ally, the best friend to some other girl and be able to look these guys straight in the eye and say, "Don't even THINK about it. I KNOW what you are, and I've got her back."

On you to get as deeply, righteously steaming mad at these guys as you need to in order to make it as obvious as the sun in the sky to them that they're just no match -- not at 19, not at 25, not at 50 -- for the likes of you.

Unfortunately -- albeit unsurprisingly -- President Bush, much in the way he entered the office, feels the need to leave it by spitting right in the face of women and our health.

This week, the Bush Administration put in place a new set of policies through the department of Health and Human Services. This set of policies was protested with 325,000 petition signatures filed in opposition, public comment and questions at the available platform for such through the HHS by over 200,000 individuals (including myself), and opposed by health, women's advocacy and civil rights groups including NARAL Pro-Choice America, the American Civil Liberties Union, the American Association of University Women, The National Partnership for Women and Families, the National Family Planning and Reproductive Health Association, the International Women's Health Coalition, the National Council of Jewish Women, the Religious Coalition for Reproductive Choice, the National Women's Law Center, the American Academy of Pediatrics, the American Nurses Association, the American Psychiatric Association, the Association of Women's Health, Obstetric and Neonatal Nurses, Physicians for Reproductive Choice and Health and the Society for Adolescent Medicine.

Marilyn Keefe of the National Partnership for Women & Families, via RH Reality Check, sums up some of what you need to know about what these new regulations could mean to you:

Like the proposed rules, today's regulations will make it easier for providers to refuse patients vital health services, and harder for patients to learn more about their health status and health options - precisely the wrong outcomes for our health care system. The regulations upend the notion of informed consent and go so far as to clarify that the onus is on women to somehow divine what information and services might be withheld by any given provider, and then shop around to find alternatives.

Moreover, the regulations will create confusion in crucial situations where the health and well-being of patients should be the top priority. Current law already allows providers and institutions to refuse to provide abortion or sterilization services if doing so clashes with their religious or moral beliefs. Yet, sticking to utterly unsubstantiated claims that a climate of religious intolerance is preventing qualified individuals from entering health care professions, HHS finalized a rule that dramatically expands the ability of health care workers and institutions to refuse health care services.

These final regulations continue to leave the term "abortion" undefined - thereby inviting providers to interpret the term to include birth control. Despite claims to the contrary, this goes far beyond current law, which already accommodates providers who do not want to offer reproductive health services because they have religious or moral objections. It opens the door for insurance plans, hospitals, doctors, nurses and even administrative staff to deny women access to contraception.

My feelings on this are I stated them in my own public comment, representing Scarleteen, and also speaking to the needs and agency of the clients I serve through the Feminist Women's Health Center,

My clients cannot exempt themselves from their healthcare needs: I can exempt myself from a job I do not wish to do, or set aside my own personal beliefs to honor those of someone in need of care who has every right to receive it. If I am in earnest about wanting to support reproductive health in my work, should I find myself unable to do the work or put needed care first, exempting myself from it would be the only sound recourse. I should say the same about the federal government and this proposal if it truly supports our health. At a time when more and more Americans are either uninsured or struggling with the soaring costs of health care, the federal government should be expanding access to important health services, not undermining existing protections or interfering in programs that have successfully provided services for years.

For certain, freedom of religion is an essential part of the foundation of this nation: however, separation of religion from public law and policy is the other vital half of that equation, and required for that very freedom. For all of our citizens to have the liberty our constitution assures, it is necessary that no one set of beliefs or values be privileged, nor exercised at the cost of another person's health.

Suffice it to say, these regulations are in no kind of alignment with President-elect Obama's platform (Obama stated he opposed the proposal when it first came up earlier this year), and Obama staffers reportedly are already looking at ways to undo the regulation. Here's hoping it -- and so much of what the Bush Administration have done to put women in harm's way -- can be dismantled as quickly as possible.

An FDA advisory panel unanimously approved the FC2 female condom. The FC2 is very similar to the current version of the female condom and is in fact intended to replace it. The primary difference is the FC2 is made of nitrile instead of polyurethane, making it cheaper to manufacture. As that one of the primary barriers preventing women from using female condoms is cost, this is excellent news.

Since male condoms are almost always cheaper why use a female condom at all if cost is an issue? Because the female condom allows women to take control of both birth control and STI prevention with one simple device. That can be huge for women who have partners who are reluctant to use condoms, get regular STI screening, or otherwise show respect for their health. The female condom also has the advantages of being latex-free, one size-fits-all, and can be inserted up to eight hours before intercourse.

Want to learn more about female condoms? We cover it right next to male condoms in our Birth Control Bingo: Condoms article. Avert also does a nice job explaining the pros and cons. Finally, if you have experiences with female condoms you'd like to share please do so at the message boards.

This week's Spotlight on Scarleteen interview will be with Abbie a.k.a. JamSessionVT. A self-proclaimed "recycled" hippie, Abbie embodies many of the characteristics commonly associated with her progressive, idyllic home state of Vermont: she’s open-minded, hardworking, supportive, and maple syrup loving. While that last part was stretching it, even she admits that the long, cold winters, as picturesque and perfect for skiing as they may be, sometimes leave her pining for warmer days. That said, Abbie has no plans to leave Vermont or Scarleteen for greener pastures– in fact, just as she considers the Green Mountain State her down-to-earth home, Abbie considers Scarleteen her warm and welcoming virtual home. This is great news for Scarleteen users and volunteers alike; in addition to dishing up great advice on the message boards with an upbeat tone, Abbie's glad to pitch in behind-the-scenes. She's more than willing to lend a hand to a fellow volunteer or fix broken links– the web equivalent of mucking out stalls– so we can focus on the prize ponies.

I always look forward to Abbie's blog entries, which are truly a refreshing mix of eloquence and profoundness. That may seem like a grand statement for some words on a page; however, I encourage you to read them here, here, and here to see for yourself. Time and time again, Abbie turns an everyday event– often an unpleasant or unfortunate occurrence– into a positive educational experience that really resounds with Scarleteen readers. Her blog entry on how an unexpected visitor opened the door to an important discussion with her boyfriend, "An Unfortunate Combination: Periods and Pants," was published a year ago but remains one of the most popular and commented on blog entries at Scarleteen. It has encouraged many unregistered users to sign up to leave comments, which have taken on an empowering, you-go-girl life of their own. Those positive words of support include the following, from "Thank goodness I found this blog… Finding this blog makes me appreciate womanhood and that ladies can be open to discuss this experience," to "These stories from each and every one of you have made me smile. The embarrassing moments happen to all of us." Step back Seventeen magazine's awkward Traumarama; step forward, Abbie, to take a bow for this positive piece!

A few days ago, Abbie was so kind as to sit down to give us the scoop (Ben and Jerry's, of course!) on her life on the boards and behind-the-computer screen. Here it is, straight from the horse-lover's mouth. Please feel free to comment or ask Abbie any questions directly by leaving a message on this page or in the Staff Stuff area of the message boards.

Hello and welcome to your Spotlight on Scarleteen interview, Abbie. Let's get started with the questions!

Could you please share some basic information about yourself?
Hi! I'm Abbie, and I'm a 21 year old college student from Vermont.

What do you do at Scarleteen?
On the boards, I moderate Gender Issues, Pregnancy & Parenting, Sex Basics & Sexual Health as well as Abuse & Abusive Relationships. My big thing on the main site is blogging; I'm a lot better at writing candid blogs about personal situations that I run into. Periods and Pants, Don’t Be a Bystander: Abuse in the Public Eye, and Don’t Let Someone Choose For You: Protecting Your Reproductive Rights. I do behind the scenes work as well, adding links, fixing broken ones, finding resources, linking to informative threads on the boards, etc.

How did you get your username?
Jam Session was what I changed my Thoroughbred's registered name to. His racing name was "Crohn Of My Own", which just sounds ridiculous. I do dressage with him, and the first freestyle-to-music test we did was to a jazz song, aptly named "Jam Session #1". It fit very well.

How long have you been active at Scarleteen? When did you start volunteering?
I've been hanging around Scarleteen since the spring of 2004...and to be honest I can't remember when I became a volunteer. I think it somewhere around fall of 2005, maybe early 2006.

What initially brought you to Scarleteen, and what's kept you around?
I found the site by accident, and it's so easy to get hooked because there are so, so few resources like us. To find an open, honest, and caring community of people who try their hardest to give out the most reliable information and advice possible is pretty tough, and to find such a group on the internet is even more amazing. So it doesn't take much to figure out why I've stuck around.

Do you have a favorite ST article, thread or other site feature?
I love Be A Blabbermouth! The Whys, Whats and Hows of Talking About Sex With a Partner. The first few sexual encounters with a new partner can be so nerve wracking; I've read this article so many times, it's really pretty irreplaceable advice. Even those who've gotten comfortable with their partner can learn a thing or two!

What's been the best part of volunteering? What have been some of your most memorable moments here?
We are lucky to have such an amazingly diverse group of users who come in. I'm constantly learning how best to interact with others, and how to tailor my advice so that it it benefits them as much as possible. It's humbling to be reminded that all of the staff, including myself, started out as regular users with questions of our own.

If you are willing to talk about it, could you please share the biggest challenge you'd faced while volunteering at Scarleteen?
It's been hard for me to come to terms with some of my own views, especially those that I'm constantly confronted with everyday, just being around the site. There are a lot of things you see on the boards that you just don't think about in everyday life. Like many of the staff, I am also a sexual abuse survivor, so it can sometimes be troubling to read through posts that remind me of my own situations. Seeing how courageous and strong some of the users are, however, encourages me as well.

Now that we have gotten to know more about your involvement behind-the-scenes at Scarleteen, let's move to getting to know the person beyond-the-computer-screen.

Could you please tell us more about your life outside of Scarleteen. What do you do?
I am a university student, though I'm a year behind because after I graduated high school, I decided to take a year off before college and travel. I felt pretty burnt out my senior year, and I wanted to take some time for myself. It was an incredible experience; I started in Ireland and Great Britain, and made my way through a bit of Spain, France and Italy. I met so many amazing people and took in so much, it's hard to believe I did it at all (and on a shoestring budget, too)! I now attend a state school in Vermont to get my BA in Equine Studies, with a minor in Sustainable Agriculture.

How do you typically use the computer and internet? Are there any other sites you like to frequent or recommend? Do you have a blog or something else you'd like to share?
I don't do my own blog anymore; I found I just didn't have the time, though I do journal in a notebook. The only blog I follow religiously is Fugly Horse of the Day!. It's a riot; the blog basically is a collection of posts about backyard horse breeders (and even some well-known ones) who continue to breed horses with poor conformation, genetic diseases, etc., and add to the already overgrown population of unwanted horses who end up going to slaughter. While it's very witty, the author has a real message under all the posts. I've been known to Facebook, but if I'm ever incredibly bored, I peruse sale horse ads on www.equisearch.com. I have one horse, an ancient Thoroughbred gelding named Ernie, who is the love of my life, but it's fun to pretend that you might someday be able to buy a $65,000 Grand-Prix dressage horse!

Where are you coming from? Could you please share some of your roots with us?
I'm a born and raised Vermonter, and we pride ourselves for being hardy, honest and hardworking people (though that doesn't mean I don't complain about the ridiculous cold or feel the need to be a lazy bum on occasion!). Family is important to me; I grew up living on a dairy farm, above my grandmother and directly next to my aunt and uncle, so I truly value how they've shaped me as a person. My grandmother would take care of me when my parents were at work, and her influence on me has been more than I could say. I grew up around a lot of men, which has made me tough, but the women in my family are all very strong, and it's given me a real sense of pride. I'm the first one to call myself a tomboy; pink and glitter is not my thing, and even now, you're more likely to find me outside or in the barn than almost anywhere else.

Whom do you turn to for advice and support?
My dad has been an amazing support line for me. I am truly his child in almost every respect, and his admiration of my spirit and vivaciousness has always made me feel comfortable in my own skin.

What are some of your hobbies, interests, and passions?
I'm very active; both my parents were trained weightlifters. My dad would have gone to train in Sweden for the Olympics had he not met my mom! Naturally, they got me into weightlifting as strength training for soccer, which I've played since I was 5 and continue to play in college. I love to run, go for walks, anything outdoors. If I'm not active, though, drawing and writing are my time-fillers. I love to write short stories and poems about the small experiences I have; it tends to remind me that everything adds up in your life, and documenting it seems like a good idea.

There used to be a popular bumper sticker that said, "I'd rather be dancing." What would you rather be doing?
If I had that bumper sticker, it'd say "I'd rather be at the barn". I've spent a lot of time just hanging out in barns, working, cleaning, riding, caring for horses, and even a few late-night emergency vet calls. When you've had to sleep on a make-shift bed of hay bales for two nights so you could wake up ever hour to check on your sick horse, you start to appreciate the place

Would you mind sharing your plans for the future or long-term goals?
I'd love to be at a place in my life, at some point, where I could start a rescue farm. I see horses as being the main part of my life for a long time, and after having owned a rescue horse myself, I know how far trust can go. Until that point, though, I will be looking to work with off-the-track Thoroughbreds. They are, by far, my favorite breed.

Now that we've heard about your involvement at Scarleteen as well as your personal life, could you please share how how your tenure at ST has affected your life offline and vice versa?
You learn so much here, it's hard to pinpoint on thing! I think my attitude has been affected the most. I remember coming to Scarleteen thinking I knew everything, and I can't help but look back on old posts I made when I first found the site and thinking "Jeez, I would have slapped myself for saying that now!"...I've done some serious introspective thinking since getting involved with this start, and it's still and ongoing process.

Thank you very much for taking the time to share and giving us the opportunity to get to know you better, Abbie. Good luck in all your future endeavors, and see you around Scarleteen!

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What is Spotlight on Scarleteen? Find out more by clicking here.

If you had to choose one thing you couldn’t live without, what would it be?

I’d be willing to bet most jump to an object or person: pets, family members, partners, homes or cars.

I’d also be willing to bet that reproductive rights wouldn’t be an immediate thought, or even something that ranks high on the list. “We’ll always have those rights,” you might say. “We’re guaranteed them as humans.”

No, and no.

In truth, reproductive rights are always in danger of being axed. In many states in the U.S and around the world, reproductive rights are limited and defined by the government, sometimes so severely that they barely exist at all. International law guarantees women the right to "the highest attainable standard of health", yet in so many places, the right to choose dangles by a thread.

I’m not saying that tomorrow we will wake up sans reproductive rights and the right to choose. I’m not saying it will happen next week, next month, or next year. But at some point, if we do not start fighting to keep these rights, we may find ourselves without them.

WHERE DOES IT START?
It all starts with you.

I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve taken the right to choose for granted. As a citizen of the state of Vermont, I have enjoyed my rights more than almost anyone else in United States. Ranked 8th in the nation, the Vermont legislature fully backs women’s reproductive rights, and the Vermont constitution provides more protection for women’s reproductive rights than the Federal Constitution. It is required by law that abortion services be made available to any woman seeking them, and the state will often provide a sliding scale cost for abortions, pills and exams for those with documented low income. In short, I’ve always thought I have nothing to be concerned about. As a college student and someone who is currently sexually active, I never have worried about my access to birth control or reproductive health care. My partner and I take ever measure we can to stay safe, but should an accident occur (and they do) I felt secure in saying I could get the help I needed.

Many women in the surrounding states are not nearly so lucky. As a student at a small state college, it’s pretty difficult to meet anyone from outside the state of Vermont, but I am fortunate enough to be friends with a transfer student from South Dakota. Ironically, South Dakota is on the opposite end of the reproductive health spectrum: 98% of S.D counties have no abortion providers whatsoever, and in October of this year, the state was put to a vote to ban abortions all together: the vote was split equally, with 44% in favor and 44% against. “It’s incredible,” she explained to me, “the narrow-mindedness of people. Because they don’t want the right, they don’t think anyone else should want or need it either.” We chatted about reproductive rights over lunch one day. As I explained to her Vermont’s stance on a woman’s right to choose, she laughed and said, “maybe I should move here. Obviously someone did something right.”

And that’s what got me thinking, how long will I have these rights?

WHAT CAN YOU DO?
Nothing is ever guaranteed. But there are certainly things you can do to help the cause, and it all starts with:

INFORMING YOURSELF: nothing can happen unless you understand the issue. Read up on your state or country’s policies on abortion, birth control access and reproductive rights. What’s the current situation right now? Look for new legislation, laws, federal backing, etc.

TELL A FRIEND: seriously, the more involved, the stronger the cause. Talk to your girlfriends, boyfriends, moms, dad, relatives, siblings, teachers and community members and encourage them to support unlimited access to birth control, abortion services and reproductive health care in your area.

JOIN A GROUP: it can be intimidating and overwhelming taking on an entire cause by yourself, so join a group fighting for the same thing. Check out http://myfreewillpower.com/, a petition started to protect the future of pro-choice America by NARAL, a pro-choice American foundation. Check out their website, http://www.prochoiceamerica.org/, for a look at how your state ranks up against the nation in its entirety.

And hey, if you can’t join one, why not start one? Get a support group going in your school. Hold an “Information Day”, and invite guest speakers and community members to talk on the subject. Have students sign a petition and send it to your governor or head of state. Hold a bake sale or other fundraiser for the cause and send the profits to a group like NARAL.

KEEP UPDATED: watch the news and headlines for changes in policies, and keep tabs on specifics that interest you. See if your work is making a difference.

STAY POSITIVE: even if things look like they’re going downhill, things can always change. Don’t get discouraged; put your emotions to good use and continue to fight for what you believe in.

If you do nothing else, check out this video, put together by the founders of free.will.power:

http://action.prochoiceamerica.org/site/PageNavigator/freewillpower_s

A lot of power rests in our hands. What are YOU going to do with it?

Our first Spotlight on Scarleteen interview will be with Joey, whom you may also know as September from the message boards. Joey is an incredibly multi-faceted and multi-talented individual who has been active at Scarleteen since 2005.

You probably wouldn't notice it based on reading her flawless English, but multilingual Joey's mother tongue is German, although her educational background has been international and multi-faceted. She's not just knowledgeable about sex ed, but has many unique interests and experiences, from modeling to being a huge Buffy fan. At Scarleteen and in person, Joey is not one to shy aware from challenging issues that might intimidate less confident people; in fact, she candidly discusses these things warmly and with grace. I've had the great fortune of meeting her in person, and can say that Joey’s even more awesome in person.

Without further ado, the transcript to our recent interview follows. Please feel free to comment or ask Joey any questions directly by leaving a message on this page or in the Staff Stuff area of the message boards.

Hello and welcome to your Spotlight on Scarleteen interview, Joey. Let's get started with the questions! Could you please share some basic information about yourself?
Hi! My name is Joey, I am 24 years old and I divide my time between the quaint little town in south-east Germany where I attend University, northern Italy where my parents live, and the American Midwest, where my partner lives.

What do you do at Scarleteen?
Here at Scarleteen, I moderate the forums Gender Issues and Ethics & Politics and also pay special attention the posts in Support Groups and Abuse & Abusive Relationships. Additionally, I've authored an article (Going the Distance: A Few Thoughts on Long Distance Relationships) and co-authored the Mythbusters serieswith fellow Volunteer Stephanie_1. [More truths will be revealed in new Misconception Mayhem articles coming soon!] I am also the author of the In Your Own Words piece entitled From Victim to Survivor. [Joey also is the writer of the forthcoming German translation of the Scarleteen staple, the Sex Readiness Checklist by site founder Heather Corinna.]

How long have you been active at Scarleteen? When did you start volunteering?
I first started posting at Scarleteen in the spring of 2005 and became a Volunteer in February of 2007.

What initially brought you to Scarleteen, and what's kept you around?
I started posting on Scarleteen after another message board community I'd been a part of had started to disintegrate. I missed the sense of community and exchange of ideas, then remembered having heard about Scarleteen and decided to take a look around. I stuck with ST because I enjoyed (and still do!) the refreshingly open and uncomplicated views on sex and sexuality and the over-all positive and friendly vibe of the site.

Do you have a favorite ST article, thread or other site feature?
The article I find the best and most useful is the Sex Readiness Checklist. I really wish I'd had that around when I first became sexually active! :)

What's been the best part of volunteering? What have been some of your most memorable moments here?
I really enjoy being able to interact with all sorts of different people and getting an insight into all of the various viewpoints and opinions and cultures and experiences. It's incredibly enriching and eye-opening, and I've learned a lot from our users. And, of course, I'm always glad to see a user coming back to share how they've applied what they learned at ST to their life and relationship, and how their situation has improved thanks to that. Nothing like a “thank you” to brighten my day!

If you are willing to talk about it, could you please share the biggest challenge you'd faced while volunteering at Scarleteen?
As a survivor of abuse, I sometimes find certain topics difficult to deal with and have to take some time away or ask someone else to reply to them. Over my time here, I've learned to be more aware of my boundaries, so thankfully it's not a problem I have to deal with very often anymore.

Now that we have gotten to know more about your involvement behind-the-scenes at Scarleteen, let's move to getting to know the person beyond-the-computer-screen.

Could you please tell us more about your life outside of Scarleteen. What do you do?
I'm a University student (I hold a BA in English and am working on my MA) and I am a research assistant to one of the professors in the English department. I also volunteer at a counseling center for rape and abuse victims and occasionally do prevention and awareness work at elementary schools. During semester breaks, I tend to make some extra money by working as a tutor. Aside from that, I'm a voracious reader, and when I'm not otherwise engaged, I like to curl up with a good book.

Where are you coming from? Could you please share some of your roots with us?
Though I live in the city now, I'm actually a country girl through and through. :) I grew up in a small village in Germany that, just the generation before mine, had still relied solely on farming. So until I was 13, I spent my time playing in the mud, climbing on haystacks, wading through rivers, and bringing all sorts of animals home to 'take care of them' (most memorably, a duck that we rescued from an frozen lake where it had gotten caught in fishing line). Then I moved to the US with my family and entered high school where my interests shifted to the drama club, my involvement in the school's GSA, and American literature (a love affair that lasts to this day – see my degree). After yet another move, I finished off my school years in Italy, where I started modeling and became interested in politics. After the daughter-parent wars that seem to be obligatory during the teenage years, I finally started to grow closer to my parents after my graduation and subsequent move to college, and we now have a very close relationship. Another important figure of my childhood was my paternal grandfather, who was a writer himself and encouraged my interest in reading and writing, and was often the first to read my stories.

What are some of your hobbies, interests, and passions?
I have a bit of a one-tracked mind when it comes to this: my biggest hobby, passion and interest is literature. I can read a book a day when I have the time, and I also write poetry and short stories of my own. Every November, I participate in National Novel Writing Month. I not only read fiction, but often go off on independent research kicks and just let my interests and references lead me from one topic and one author to another.

There used to be a popular bumper sticker that said, "I'd rather be dancing." What would you rather be doing?
Thanks to my heavy class load this semester, my answer to this would often be “I'd rather be sleeping”. I can't seem to get enough sleep lately. :P The more heartfelt answer is “I'd rather be with my partner”, as we unfortunately get to see very little of each other due to our long-distance relationship.

Would you mind sharing your plans for the future or long-term goals?
I feel quite at home in the academic world, and plan to get my PhD at some point and work as a professor of American Literature. I also plan to return to the US to finish my degree. Beyond that, I don't want to make too many plans, and just wait and see where life leads me instead. Most of my plans I've made since graduating high school have gone bust at one point or another, so I've decided to just take it one step at a time.

Now that we've heard about your involvement at Scarleteen as well as your personal life, could you please share how how your tenure at ST has affected your life offline and vice versa?
To be completely honest, Scarleteen has changed my life in a quite significant way. For one thing, it's given me a venue to explore my feminism after I first became acquainted with the concept through a class in my freshman year of college. I don't think I'd be the proud feminist I am today if it hadn't been for Scarleteen. For another, the counseling we often wind up doing for and with our users has shown me that I really enjoy working with people one-on-one and giving them advice and helping them make sense of their feelings and situations. I've considered doing my Master's in the general area of social work and actually make a career of it, but my love for literature won out in the end. For now, I do counseling on a volunteer basis at a center in town, and I plan to continue to pursue this type of work.

Thank you very much for taking the time to share and giving us the opportunity to get to know you better, Joey. Good luck in all your future endeavors, and see you around Scarleteen!

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What is Spotlight on Scarleteen? Find out more by clicking here.

December 1st 2008 was World AIDS day. It marked the 20th anniversary of World AIDS day, which was established in 1988. More than forty million people around the world are currently living with HIV/AIDS and another five million people contract this disease each year.

At Scarleteen, our main focus is on young people. Young adults are a group who sometimes feel that issues such as HIV/AIDS don’t affect them. But actually, this affects all of us. 40% of all new HIV infections occur among young people aged 15-24 years old.

Perhaps you’re a young woman like me. Did you know that adolescent women are the fastest growing group contracting HIV/AIDS around the world? In sub-Saharan Africa, there are 3.2 million young people are living with HIV and three young women are infected for every young man. There are similar proportions in North Africa and South East Asia. Do you feel outraged by this? I do!

I’d like to echo the words of Kofi Annan, the former Secretary General of the United Nations, who stated in 2002: “Young people are the key in the fight against AIDS. By giving them the support they need, we can empower them to protect themselves against the virus. By giving them honest and straightforward information, we can break the circle of silence across all society. By creating effective campaigns for education and prevention, we can turn young people’s enthusiasm, drive, and dreams for the future into powerful tools for attacking the epidemic.”

So, in that spirit of empowerment, support and knowledge seeking, I leave you these links:
Positively Informed: An HIV/AIDS Roundup
Global Youth Coalition on HIV/AIDS
UNIFEM on HIV/AIDS
UNAIDS
AVERT: World AIDS Day

Going the Distance: A Few Thoughts on Long-Distance Relationships by Joey

Do you know that Cake song that goes, “He’s going the distance… he’s going for speed… she’s all alone (all alone!) in a time of need…”? If you also listened to a lot of alternative rock in the mid-nineties or just love clever trumpet-y tunes, the chorus to Cake’s “The Distance” may pop into your head upon reading this Scarleteen Take Two! article’s title. I’m not sure if author Joey had that song in mind when penning her piece, but “going the distance” to make long-distance relationships work is something she knows firsthand. In her article, “Going the Distance: A Few Thoughts on Long-Distance Relationships,” Joey shares personal experience as well as great general advice for people in or considering long-distance relationships.

Joey is an international Scarleteen volunteer who is no stranger to moving, be it across the street or around the globe. She’s lived in several countries growing up, among them Germany, the US, and Italy. Currently considering where to continue her graduate studies, her Wanderlust has lasted into adulthood. Joey and her romantic partner have been together for many years; however, while there have been many visits and regular contact thanks to modern technology, they are yet to reside in the same place for an extended period of time. How do they make it work? Joey learned the ropes of LDRs by improvising as she’s gone along and would now like to share some advice, general guidelines, and other things to keep in mind while in or entering a long-distance relationship.

Distance can present new challenges to old relationships. Regardless of age and location, each long-distance move comes with new friends, new challenges, and new beginnings; leaving means keeping old friends in your heart and mind while leaving them behind physically. Add a romantic or sexual relationship to the mix and things get even more complicated. Alternatively, some new relationships start and blossom without its members having lived in the same place.

In her article, Joey starts by describing potential LDR scenarios and what to keep in mind if and when you and your partner/s are considering one. She mentions some ground rules (the key being open and honest communication!), as well as answers some common questions that arise. For example, one person asks: “But won't my partner be more likely to cheat if we're never together?” and another admits, “So what if I like the distance?” To find out her answers to this and more, I highly recommend checking out Joey’s ”Going the Distance: A Few Thoughts on Long-Distance Relationships.” And after you’re done reading, please let her know what you think by leaving a note here or share your own personal experience with LDRs on the message boards.

What is Spotlight on Scarleteen? Find out more by clicking here.