Okay. So, I'm comfortable moving forward then, so long as you and I can have an agreement where you assure me if you DO think you are at all a danger to yourself or others, you'll tend to that ASAP, and ask for help finding that care if you need it. Okay?
There's some of this that is simply outside the sphere of what we do and can do here at Scarleteen. But one thing we can certainly do is talk about, and challenge, gender stereotyping or struggles with gender and concepts of gender.
I feel like it might help to start by just transcribing what was going on in my head when I read one of your posts. Just so you can get a tangible idea of what that sounds like to someone who has experienced and felt about gender in this regard differently than you do.
It kind of went like this:
You: "Being a virgin at my age is a huge traumatic cross I bare. Women just can't understand how awful it feels. And then those same women that blame you for being a virgin, also shame you if you are not a virgin. It's like women want you to be something that just doesn't exist. So its an unsolvable problem in my head that I cant get past. "
My head: "Huh. Who are these women he's talking about, and where is he meeting people with such crummy ideas about sexual history? Funny though, sounds like, per usual, virginity constructs are crummy for everyone."
You: "When I think of women well might as well say it, I think of suicide."
My head: "Again, who are these women that have treated you so poorly so you have the idea women make life no longer worth living? And, incidentally, how's it going to go trying to talk to a woman here when you feel that way about all of us?"
You: "I get so tired of trying to talk to them and being nervous and it just seems the bar is so very high. i know life is not fair but why do i have to do everything? Have to impress them, have to be funny, have to buy stuff, have to make first move, have to be this and that, and women just sit there."
My head: "Huh? What? Who told you you have to do these things? Who has asked you to and said they want all that? And who is asking you to do all that and then just sitting there? These sound like very strange people."
You: "What do they do? They are born with good looks and get everything handed to them."
My head: "Now all women look the same? And get everything handed to us? How did I miss my big handouts? Where is the line for that? Oh, and can we at least maybe get, then, while folks are just giving us everything, gender equity around the globe finally? "
You: "And really what do I get in return?"
My head: "In return for what? For the the "everything" just handed out to women? Is it YOU giving all that great stuff out? I want my handouts now, please!
"
You: "Why is it the mans job to do everything then get bitched at because its never right or good enough."
My head: "Is that YOUR job? So, women have never been criticized or taken for granted, only men? The world must have mistaken a lot of us for men, then."
You: "Why cant women be nice to me once in a while?"
My head: "None ever are? None? Not even, you know, right now while one of us is trying to help you out? No? Huh. Also, with this stuff in your head, chances are some women can sniff it out a mile away, and are keeping their distance because the way you're thinking about them is pretty scary."
You: "And why is it such a guessing game?"
My head: "Umm, because women are people, and just like with men, we have to get to know them as people to figure out what they want from other people? Just throwing that out there."
You: "Women act like sex is bad and will not talk about it, yet they post all these sex pictures on dating sites and shame you for giving them a compliment. Women say they dont know what they want, but know what they dont want and I have to guess that?"
My head: "Still not knowing who all these women are. WHO ARE THESE STRANGE WOMEN?!? But rerun: no, you don't have to guess that. You have to get to know someone to learn what they want, man, woman, child or fuzzy small animal."
By all means, some of my thoughts there are a little caustic, but I wanted to share a pretty honest reaction with you to some of this, in the hopes that you can see that someone like me is just as mystified by what you are thinking as you are.
But the thing is, I'm mystified by the THOUGHTS, not by the group of 3+ billion people in the world who make up the group we call "women." I mean, people are a mystery, for sure, but no one giant group of people more than any other. And while I figure you'd say you're mystified by women, I actually think it's these thoughts -- and your behaving and thinking as if they were factual and sound, when, in fact, they are so very not -- that have you so mystified, too.
Like I said earlier, if you swap "women" in things you have said here for "man," I think it'd be pretty clear to you that these frameworks and ideas just aren't sensible or sound for any group made of billions who are massively diverse, and whose gender is only one of many parts of who they are, you know?